Monday, December 9, 2013

So This Is Christmas

The disappointments of life never seem so magnified as they are at Christmas. There were so many where I was angry, hurt, and though surrounded by people I felt as if I were living on a one man island.

Each year hoping the next one I would have the right things in my life to be happy. You know that picture of the perfect Christmas we want. It would actually be a Christmas where I did not want to just throw a bag in the car and drive to a place of isolation.

I must have emerged from Mom's womb angry at God for daring to include me in what I perceived as His great mistake of creation. As a kid I created an imaginary world to escape too. During my teen age years I turned to drugs and lived the party life full tilt. I could have easily died several times and some of those from that time did. 

Through it all I knew there was a God and nearly every night I spoke to Him and more times than not in anger.

The king of darkness aided my fury and prohibited me from seeing a loving Father. I have had two great callings on my life. The urging of the spirit. The details of which I can only see in hindsight.

My blinding Damascus Road when I was 19 and a more gentle, but just as powerful calling in my 50's. I began to realize my anger was dissipating. I don't know if it is this way for everyone but deep down I knew that for me He was waiting for me to seek Him first and would settle for nothing less.

It was this time two years ago that I felt compelled to write "The Journey." It was a paper about the changes in my life. This was before a blog was even an idea. 

I believe that God wanted me to document where I had been just before He took me on this great ride that began December 30, 2011. Standing in the fellowship hall listening to Peter Mattis and his friends play music. "I will make you young again." The voice so clear that I looked around to see if someone near me had said it.

 Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Now those are pretty words aren't they? But I lived my life seeking what I wanted first. And there are many days now where I fall back to the same pattern. But my Father knows it to be truth when I say, "I want to walk hand in hand with you on the path and any door regardless of how much I desire it please close it if we are not walking through it together."

So this is Christmas and I am humbled by my God. I am a writer so I can really dream. My wife, Julie exceeds any dream I ever had in a wife... lover... friend. And next year maybe my book is under someones Christmas tree. Wow.

There are many people all around us that will feel about Christmas the way I did for so long. Let's remember them and show kindness. I have shared many of past Holidays with the Olivolo family who God placed in my life. They never let me be alone and I could not feel closer to them if they were my own flesh and blood. I was the baby with three older sisters and now I have a younger brother and two little sisters. Tell me God does not have a magnificent sense of humor..


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