The Choice of Baptism Now

My first act of rebellion was to leave the Baptist Church my family attended, at age twelve & run down the street to join the Methodist Church. They had the younger, cooler minister, Al Morris. I was sprinkled in the church & what I recall most all these years later is my body was shaking uncontrollably during the baptism. It was not fear. My thoughts now are God knew that very soon I would depart down about every bad road a young boy/man could venture. It was as if He were shaking me with His presence & at the same time telling me that my hand is upon you & you will return to me.


At age nineteen as I walked down a lonely dark road one night-A life wrought with heartache. A life where the parties began early & often only ended early the next morning as I would crawl into bed as the sunrise came.  No drug untouched. No opportunity for searching for fun in all the wrong places. I am not going to tell you I did not have a good time. There is pleasure in sin for a season but I was always a searcher & at times the life grew weary & I knew there had to be more.

That night, God showed up. He spoke & it all changed. It was such a life transformation that it would have been better for society & me if I could have been sent away to some secluded quiet place for two years while maybe I could learn to live with the truth of the Gospel.

As it is I made many bad choices. One in particular that years later would result in divorce when my son was two years old. The battles in court. The pain of not having your child with you each night. The long drive home after dropping him off at his Mom's. As time passed I became angry with this God who had such power that He showed up one night on a dark road but would not grant fairness in my life.

I went back to the party life. Never to the degree that I lived in my youth. But soon life became about clubbing, searching for that certain woman. This life grew old as well & I began to stay home alone with my anger at God.

Later in my life I was in my mid fifties & I began to attend church but I still held on to what I wanted more than what God wanted. Being a Christian can be a pretty generic term. I always sensed that for me- to really be a Christian was when I cared more about what God wanted for my life than what I wanted. Through it all, even the Born Again Damascus Road experience I never really did that.

It was January of 2012. I was driving down the road when I said, "God, I have made a mess of everything I have touched. You take the wheel. I will place what you want in my life above my own desires, even if it is not what I want. Where You say go. I will go. " That was my moment that led to yesterday. To be baptized with more  understanding. More understanding that I can't live a mixture of law & grace as was often preached in my earlier days. It is His grace. Period.

It has been on my heart to be baptized since last year about this time. I wanted to be baptized in my sanctuary-the ocean. Lifepoint has an annual baptism each summer in August. I was recovering from ankle surgery & could not participate last summer.

One day this spring, I met with Jack Teachey at Lifepoint about serving. I mentioned about my desire to be baptized. He responded with, "If this is on your heart you don't need to wait till August. I will meet you wherever you want me too." He completely got me about wanting it to take place on the beach.

Wow! I did not even know that was an option. So yesterday, my wife, Julie, Kim Williamson, my small group leader, Randy Dallos, who I began serving with at the First Time Guests booth, & Jack met at my adopted family's home on Carolina Beach.


Some highlights.

I was able to be baptized right where Julie & I were married a little over three years ago.


It was raining pretty hard mid afternoon & I heard thunder in the distance. But when our time to meet at the beach came it was beautiful. The sun came out. Beautiful cloud formations & God decided to favor His child with a rainbow. As someone commented on Facebook last night that they didn't know that was my rainbow they saw. Yes, it was.

One last thing that I did not think about until I was home. I noticed no one on the beach but us. It was our private time. Anyone that spends time on the beach knows late in the day there are walkers, joggers, people taking their dogs for a stroll. I saw none of that.

This was a step that I felt God, for whatever reasons, wanted me to take before He takes us to the next step.

I can hardly wait. 

Lesson About Images

Even after that moment when as I drove down the road & said, "God, I  have messed up everything I have touched. You take the wheel. I will go where you say go even if it is not what I desire." I continued to not give much thought to the Movies I watched. Now, I am not talking about Pornography but I would watch a movie that I hoped would have a good story & I overlooked certain scenes as part of the movie. Please before I go any further don't mistake this for any judgments or me parading as a choir boy. Those that know me know that is far from true.

Much of my movie collection has left the premises since Julie became my wife just over three years ago. My son, Micah & I teased her about how we could have no more fun movies. Yes,  I would rather watch movies & not hear cursing & I never wanted to watch stuff with abuse in it. And I hate gore. I know it is fake but can't we just shoot the bad guy & not show me his insides?

Julie would warn me that you are taking that stuff in whether you believe it or not. I dismissed her.I still thought well if it is a DVD I can just skip through the bad part but sometimes you are not quick enough.

I grew up during the times of Westerns be it the many movies made or the television shows. I absolutely love Westerns & I get excited now when the rare new one comes out. My favorite movie, not just favorite Western is Tombstone.  Val Kilmer in his greatest role ever. Kurt Russell playing Wyatt Earp. I have probably viewed it twenty times over the years.

So I saw the previews to The Hateful Eight and Kurt Russell stars in it & while I knew it was rated R I didn't do my research. I ignored what I did read because it was a Western! Did I mention I love Westerns?  One day with no thought I stopped at the Redbox around the corner & rented it.

Over one hour into it & enduring the multiple cursing.GD said so many times & yet that was tame for what was to come. There is a scene so horrific, brutal, disgusting, obscene, that it has taken some serious prayer to remove those images from this house-from our minds. I don't know if I froze with the remote or that I thought surely they would not show what I feared was coming.

The sad thing is I can't even say it was a good Western minus the horrible part. It was lame at best. Quentin Tarantino's attempts at humor fell woefully short.

I could have done more research. I could have read what this Christian wrote. http://christiananswers.net/spotlight/movies/2015/hatefuleight2015.html

One thing I did come away with is Quentin Tarantino is in dire need of prayer as are the people that participated in this movie. Something is horribly lacking in Quentin's life & I think I know what it is.

It must be difficult to be an actor in Hollywood & be a believer. Can you do non-Christian movies? Sure, & since I watch non-Christian movies I would be a hypocrite to say other wise. But I would never choose to be part of a movie like this.

Many people have told me that The River Hideaway would make a good moive. Sure that would be exciting but suppose they turned it into graphic scenes, brutality- that is not part of the book? I don't want that & I don't care about the money involved. I do not want to gain the entire or part of the world & lose my soul in the process.

Don't make the mistake I did. Don't rent The Hateful Eight.  Don't bring that garbage in your home. A  home that I am suppose to be the leader in. I fell woefully short.

Trust me you are not missing anything.  I guess some of you will say it is only a film. I understand. I would have said that too but not any more.

It won't happen again. Julie was right. I should have listened.

March Madness

This is definitely a different type blog for me to write. Sports fan or not most of us are aware of March Madness. I am going to probably lose many of you with the following admission. I am a Duke Basketball fan & have been so since I was seven years old. There is one thing only those that know me best realize & that is that I value fairness/honesty above being a fan.

If you hate a player who plays for your rival would you love that same player if he wore the jersey of your team? Can you answer that honestly? That call you thought went against your team that you are certain was a charge. Would it still be that if your team got the call? Do you take partial accounts of stories & run with them if they support your dislike of another team?

I accept that the word fan is short for fanatic & we can all be that at times. Even though I will not go on social media & taunt when my team wins or whine when they lose doesn't mean I don't behave like a fool at times. Ask my wife. Wait... maybe don't do that.

I was involved in sports for much of my life. Playing as a kid & as a young man, though certainly not on any level near March Madness. The most meaningful thing I did was coach young boys in the sport of basketball for twenty years. No one wanted to win more than I did. I actually believe sports competition for kids is a good thing but that is not a story for today.

As a coach I failed miserably at times, both as a winner & loser. I tried not to rub victory in the other team's face because if you are a part of sports you know what it is like to lose & losing hurts. Still, there are times when we won championship nail biter games that I wish I would have been more calm. Celebrated less. One incident in particular, comes to mind. We had an injury bug the week of the tournament & somehow still won by two points. I forgot this for many years until someone reminded me I sank to the floor & screamed, "Yes," repeatedly. Many years later I saw it on video. I was embarrassed. I still am. I know it was the sheer relief of the week but there was a coach, who I thought a lot of who was waiting to shake my hand. I don't think he thought badly of me. We were rivals but respectful rivals. Not the I hate you because your jersey is a different kind of color.

Today, I would never do that. I will not argue sports or much of anything else. Duke won it all last year & I was thrilled but I never rubbed it in the face of my friends who love a different shade of blue. I wonder sometimes if we don't hate our rival more than we love our team. I have had to think about that one for sure.

Grayson Allen, who plays for Duke, did a bonehead thing & tripped two opponents in games earlier this year. Now he is a villain. People are just looking for the next thing he does & when you look for things with such zeal you will find them whether they are true or not. It reminds me of people who look for the devil behind every bush.

These incidents will follow him thanks to our age of social media, which is both a blessing & a curse. I did similar things in games on a far less stage. Thankfully, there are no videos of it looping on social media.

So today, I can say I would not do those things but here is a big difference. I am almost sixty. Grayson Allen is twenty years old. How many stupid things did you & I do at age twenty? We need to think about those things before we become so judgmental. I make no excuses for his behavior. He was wrong. I just am not comfortable labeling him a bad person now for the rest of his life because of poor decisions that came out during competition. Those that never cared about sports you may not get this but those of you that have participated I think that you will, because I doubt any of you have always behaved in an exemplary fashion, especially when we care so much about winning and losing.

Sure you can say I would have a different opinion if he played for another team. But what you wouldn't know is when P.J. Hairston, who played for the other shade of blue,  kept making bad decisions in life I took no comfort in that. I prayed for him. He is a young man who has made mistakes but that doesn't mean he always will.

Making a bad choice does not make someone a bad person. If that were true there would be no hope for any of us.

Fortunately, God does not keep playing a loop of our mistakes. His grace is far better than that. Maybe some will share negative comments about this because of their allegiance to a sports team. So be it. There are people who seem to live for that sort of thing. I read a nice article online this week about a young player & the comments turned ugly quickly. People going back & forth calling each other names in the comments section. That is not a life for me.

I surely do not want to be judged for the times I acted or reacted poorly during a sports contest. We that believe in God have pretty much all heard in one message or another on Sunday, that we are not our mistakes.

Couldn't we apply that same grace to athletes? Coaches? Each other?

After Valentine's Day

I don't think you will find many men who get excited about Valentine's Day. Count me in that loop. That might explain the numerous men buying flowers in the grocery store on Valentine's Day. Yes, I have been one of them. But as I have become older & hopefully wiser I have learn to listen when my wife, Julie tells me it is a special day for her. She remembers the many Valentines she spent alone or in an unhappy marriage. Thankfully, God blessed me with a low maintenance woman who did not care to go out in the masses of people dining out for Valentine's Day. She hinted rather strongly that her favorite flower-white tulips were at Harris Teeter & on sale. She also asked if I would grill steaks.

Last year at this time, we heard a fantastic message on relationships by our Pastor, Jeff Kapusta at Lifepoint Church.  He covered it all. Those dating, those not dating, & those of us that are married. I sure learned some things. He talked about those things we do in the beginning that we cease doing in time. Jeff still opens the car door for his wife 99% of the time after nineteen years of marriage.  

Jeff talked about standards & he had a list of things that were really right on target. One of my favorite things he said that I have said countless times. Listen to your friends. The word friend is sacred to me. There is a huge difference between a friend & an acquaintance. A real friend is not only there for you at three a.m. but they want you to be happy. They are not petty or envious of your success. They are empathetic with you in your failures. If they are not these things you need new friends.

So when they tell  you that you are in an unhealthy relationship....Listen. I don't care if you are in love or not. Don't be that fool like me that thinks you see something inside of them that your friends can't see. 

I've been there when my friends told me to bail. I wish I would have been wise enough to have listened sooner. On the other hand, my friends love Julie. My best friend Jack, who is not given to a lot of emotion could scarcely speak at our wedding when it was time for him to offer a toast. Thankfully, he has a great wife too, Kelly, that helped him along with his speech.

Another aspect is, don't settle out of loneliness. It made me think of the worse kind of loneliness. It is not when you are alone for the Holidays. It is not when you are alone at a certain age. The worst loneliness is being lonely in a bad marriage. Trust me.

The fear of loneliness can drive people to one bad decision after another. I bet we all know people who simply can't be alone. They close one relationship out with another. I am no counselor but common sense should tell you that is not going to work. 

Julie & I were both lonely but we both were in a position where we meant it when we said, "God if you are not in it we would rather be alone." Julie realized this much sooner than I. Of course she did should be the chorus line right now. I kept doing that thing that most people do. Let me get what I think I should have & God I will get around to you on the back end of my decision. Is it any wonder the divorce rate is 50%? I tell you why I did it my way. I did not trust God because if I did I would have wanted Him in it from the very beginning. But placing Him in it from the beginning would mean doing it His way. We want to do our way.


Julie & I did not do everything right but I will tell you one thing we did that I suggest everyone do. We were up front from the beginning. We kept throwing our cards on the table. I use the word deal breaker often. I wanted to know early if we were not on a path that would turn out differently than our history.

Think about it. You meet someone. You are falling for them & then you become hesitant because what if I share this about myself & they think it is too much? We didn't do that. I think within the first two to three weeks we had shared all the things we were afraid or even a little ashamed to share. 

Julie did something early on that I can't even explain how much it meant. I shared one of my possible deal breakers & she looked at me with those kind, unwavering eyes & said, "You keep saying these things like that is going to be the one thing that causes me to walk out the door. I am not going anywhere." She meant it. She still does.


I thought about Jeff's list yesterday. I use to have one & it was before I turned the wheel of this life over to God.

1. Great Passion.

2. Great Communication. 

3. Common Interests.  (Now this does not mean that you have to love all the same  things but you better have a few things that  you enjoy doing together because if one of you gives in to what the other wants to do all the time there will be resentment that comes to play.)

4. Common Values.

I still think it is a pretty good list but here is the one I did not have back then. It should be the first one. Place God first. Trust Him to know what is best for  you.

If you are single trust God. If you are married keep growing together. Don't allow today's minor problem to become tomorrow's major obstacle. Communicate with each other. Listen. No silent treatment.

I was confident that we would have a good marriage-even a great one because of two main things. We both wanted to put God first & we knew He was on board with our path. The second was we would both know not to take our life with each other for granted.

It had nothing to do with Valentine's Day last week when I looked at her & said, "Thank you for loving me at my worst." I have had the other love.It is not worth it.

We have made each other better. We are good for each other. Don't waste time in a relationship where you are not good for each other. 


One last thing that Julie & I both do well. We walk in the other room & say, "I am sorry. I blew it." And it is over. No lingering drama. No carryover.

You know there is scarcely a day that goes by that I don't thank God for Julie. She is better than I deserved. A gift from God & no other woman has or could ever measure up. I pray that for all of you.

But Pastor Jeff, I do need to get that door thing back in the regular rotation.

Hearts Have No Color

"Hearts have no color Daddy.  You taught me that when I was a little girl.”

This is maybe my favorite line in the The River Hideaway. I won't give away too much for those of you who have not read the book yet & if you haven't what in the world are you waiting on? :) 

What I love about this line is that it has taken on a life of its own with many of the readers. I  have had- Hearts have no color- repeated back to me by various readers. My friend, Richard Busby, suggested at a book signing in Raleigh to sign the books with that caption. I don't know why I did not think of it sooner. 

There are a few reasons why this line means so much to me. The lesson was taught by my favorite character in The River Hideaway, Clarence Wilkins, a black man, refuses to allow the prejudice he endures in his life to change his way of belief that- "Hearts have no color." He teaches this lesson to his son & daughter. But there comes a part in the story when his daughter ventures down a road that he does not approve of & he does not live out the words that he has taught. She turns his words back to him. What will he do?

The River Hideaway is fictional-unlike our lives, though at times I sure wish I could write some of my decisions off to fiction. I love the line in my book because I believe it with all my heart. I believe it because I believe in God- a Father that loves His children. Do you think for one moment that our loving Father considers the color of our skin? I don't. 

I have shared often about growing up in a church where racism flourished. Even as a little boy during the racial conflict that was a big part of Wilmington during that time as well as in much of the country I recall sitting in church thinking isn't this where we should all come together? But our doors were closed to anyone of color. I never shared my thoughts with anyone & I forgot about the thoughts a little boy once had for most of my life. But don't you think God knew that a little boy would one day grow up & write a story about racially charged times? I suspect even then He was planting the seed for the type man I would grow up to be. 

Recently, I heard a message from a black minister who felt the Lord wanted him to integrate the church that he was Shepherd at. It was met with resistance by some of the congregation but he pressed on because that was his directive from God.  The church is now diversified.

I wish I could tell you that I never was prejudice as I grew up in the south or that I had no problem when our schools begin to integrate, or when we were bused to what was previously an all black school I said, "Great. Sign me up." No, sadly I gave into the silly stereotypes of that time. 

But on the night when God showed up to a lost young man, walking down a black street & I experienced first hand how real our God is I knew without anyone telling me that God looked on the heart. The color of our skin matters not. Not in any circumstance. 

1 Samuel 16:7
The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

I coached basketball for twenty years. I was asked often. How many black kids do you have on  your team. What a question. No one ever asked me how many white kids I had on my team. My answer was always the same. "I don't know."
That was the truth. Oh, I could have sat down & thought about it or looked at the team photograph but it was not information I stored in my head. I would hope my boys would say coach just wanted us to play hard, play smart, be a good teammate. He didn't care if we were purple if we just did that.

    

Remember when the disciples asked Jesus about Heaven & He said you don't even understand earthly things. 

I am pretty sure of a few things about Heaven. There will be no us & them. There will be no racial division. No prejudice. No stereotypes. Maybe just one heart all tied into our Father.

  

Hearts have no color.  

I believe that is more than a line in a fictional story. 

Saying Good-Bye to "That One Person."

This week I was granted one of the greatest honors of my life. I was asked to say a few words about "That One Person," my Coach, Ed Wilson. I was also asked to say the closing prayer at graveside & to read Psalm 23 to those that attended this great man's funeral.


The irony of reading Psalm 23 is that it was the second consecutive Monday that I spoke Psalm 23 in regards to Coach.  The first time was the previous Monday when I visited him at the care facility he lived in. He was not having a good day & that makes me all the more grateful today that I did have one last really good visit with him before Christmas. He told me that day he sure was glad I had come to visit him. Despite his declining health he was always polite & the staff at Trinity loved him.

This last visit he tried to tell me he couldn't talk. He was confused & I told him it was okay. He didn't have to try to talk. I began to pray silently over him. Now, I am not as bold in my faith as say my wife is, who will pray over someone in the grocery store out loud & not care who is around.

You can choose to believe this next part or not. Truthfully until some events occurred later I was not so sure myself. But as I was praying silently I heard very clearly in my spirit, "Pray out Loud."

I chose to ignore it. Again clearly.  "Pray out Loud." I think I shook my head at what I was hearing. Again it comes-  "Pray out Loud."

I began to pray out loud over Coach. Thanking God for all this man had meant to me. At some point I began praying Psalm 23.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

   He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

 You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Before I heard those words to pray out loud, Coach was not just shivering, his entire body was shaking. I can't tell you the exact moment this happened but after reciting Psalm 23 to the best of my memory I noticed he was no longer trembling.

So one week later, here I was this time saying it out loud for the people who attended Coach's celebration. Truth is stranger than fiction and God's truth more real than anything you will find in this world. 

I hope those that know me well know that I try to be as honest a man as I can be. Sometimes it makes people uncomfortable when I don't hide the many wrong turns that I took in my life. Yesterday when I spoke about Coach during the service I told the people that attended that I don't want to even think where I might be if not for that one moment-that crossroad- when I asked Coach for help & then coached baseball under him for the next four years before moving on to coach the same age boys in basketball.

Coach diverted me from continuing down a bad path-not right away mind you, but he gave me something good in a time when I had nothing positive. I was not in school. I was not employed. God chose to use an old baseball coach as my angel of mercy.

I have told my new wife, Julie many times that without Coach I would never have had the honor of being her husband. I would not have a pension-that while not big, allows me time to write and not work a full time job. Surely, I would not have coached the same age boys in the sport of basketball for twenty years. 

Ironically, on the evening that I received the news of his passing I had enjoyed lunch that day with Jeff Neher and Kevin Keen who played basketball for me over thirty years ago. I told Kevin after I received the news about Coach that I would have never been his coach without Ed Wilson. He replied quickly, "I know. I have heard you say many times the impact he had on you."

Yesterday was sad in some ways but there was laughter mixed with our tears. I laughed today as I recalled we were carrying the casket to the grave site and we were talking quietly & chuckling. From behind us we heard, "You boys hashaminute!" from one of his former players. That got us more tickled because that was something Coach said when he really wanted your attention.

Charlie Rivenbark told a story about a rival coach. One day the man asked Coach why he was better-won more than he did. The man added, "I have just as good a talent. I know just as much baseball as you do."

I love Coach's response.

"That's because you are coaching baseball. I am coaching boys."

Charlie's brother, Bill also played and coached for Mr. Wilson. He shared this story yesterday. He was ten years old. It was a tie game in the last inning. Bill had been pitching great the entire game and a big hitter, Jeff came up to bat that he had already struck out twice. He was feeling good and Mr.Wilson called for a curve ball. Bill had a good one but this one hung and was hit out of the ball park. Game over. The next part brings tears to my eyes because not only can I envision it, but it spoke to the heart of Coach.

These are Bill's words.

I crumbled on the mound. Before Jeff reached second base Mr Wilson came to the mound and put his arms around me and told me that it was his fault. He said we had fooled him all night and should not have thrown the curve. 

I never knew that in 1967-1969 that as a young boy that not only would I be Coach's boy then but would remain so for the next fifty years. He wrote job reference letters. He visited me when I got into trouble for selling marijuana. A lot of it.

I am not given to hyperbole when I say "without Coach...". That day at the fence, when it all changed, that without him there are so many good things that would have never occurred. It was 1-2 years later after I left that lifestyle that I heard the news of two of my former "business" associates. They were arrested on a ship with tons of marijuana. In all likelihood, I would have been on that ship. The state would have put me away for many years. I doubt my life would have ever recovered. I am not sure I would even be here.

My last words when I spoke at his funeral were as true as anything I could ever speak.

Jesus Christ saved me but only after Ed Wilson rescued me off of the scrap heap of this life.

I am glad my last words to him were- "I love you, Coach."

I picture baseballs flying around Heaven, Coach. Doc probably had a mitt & ball waiting on you.

http://billybeasley.blogspot.com/2013/03/that-one-person.html

The Publishing World

Venturing into the publishing world can be a daunting task. I am no expert and if that is what you are looking for it is probably best you stop here. What I can and will do is share what I have learned along the way and what I am still learning.

Several weeks ago I decided to try my hand at substitute teaching and bring a few extra dollars of needed income into our home. I will not dazzle you with my experiences but if I was not as aware of the challenges teachers face before I now have a somewhat clearer perspective.

Some of the classes I have subbed for were English classes and some of those students were in the process of writing stories. I love to ask a simple question to these classes.

How many copies does the average book sell?

The hands shoot up and you can count on that first answer being at least one million. Finally, some astute kid after I shake my head to all the previous answers decides it is far less. But even then it is not as low as two hundred copies, which is what I was told by a publishing team I have become friends with. That is counting traditional, self, and hybrid publishing.

It is easy to view writers such as John Grisham, J.K. Rowling etc. but there are a vast number of authors with virtually no name recognition such as myself.  

As an author of my first book, The River Hideaway, it goes to show that I would not be subbing if the answers of one million copies sold was anywhere near true. It would be nice if it were so.

Anyone that has a desire to write basically has one dream in common. They want to see their book in print. The first day my books arrived-to see that cover with the title and my name on it..It was a humbling, fulfilling experience. Even better was to hide a copy in the wine cabinet already signed for my wife. I suggested she retrieve a bottle of wine for us. She should have known something was up as I am not much of a wine drinker. The sheer excitement when she so excitedly grabbed the book. That is a moment for which there is no price tag.

I wrote the bulk of The River Hideaway in 1997. The second publisher I sent it too was John F. Blair. I still have the letter from Anne Waters, who read and loved my book. She could not persuade the board to choose my book for their one fictional title for the year. Still, she gave me a list of five publishing contacts that she knew personally and she vowed to buy a copy when it was on the shelf. Slam dunk from here right?

Three of the five immediately responded-no new fiction and no new authors. They would not even agree to read it. One of the publishers had decided to publish only children's stories and the other moved to open another publishing company. I finally found him and when I began to explain what it was about-he cut me off. Anne had already spoken on my behalf and he was excited to read The River Hideaway. Here is where it really got frustrating. He never read it. He was busy with running a new company and he passed it off to his acquisitions editor. They kept it for two years. I even came home to a phone call one day of how much they liked it. Ultimately, they passed. 

I knew getting traditionally published was difficult. Here is what I did not know. I had no clue how difficult it would be to even persuade them to read your novel in its entirety. Many will ask for a one page query letter and that is all. Some will ask for three chapters or the first fifty pages after that. It is an accomplishment to persuade a publisher to read your entire story.

Currently, I have another manuscript in front of a publisher. Here is an example of what you may deal with in getting published. The publisher has decided they will commit to one more title for next year. They have narrowed it down to two books. The other is nonfiction and the author has a built-in speaking circuit. I write fiction and have no such platform. I take it as a positive that they have not already said no.I have been on the fence with them for months.

People suggested often over the years that I self publish. That is certainly an option for writers. Often it is the best way to go, especially if you have a profession or an expertise that has you traveling and speaking to groups.

Maybe I just craved the approval that someone would read my book and say we want to publish your book. I think the traditional publishing rejection rate is 98-99 percent. That is frustrating and can be so demoralizing that some choose not to even try. Self publishing is 100 percent successful because you are footing all the bills. Of course if your book takes off you are also going to gain the large percentage of the profits.

I received no advance for The River Hideaway & I make less than $2 per book. But the important part of my contract for me is that I would not be asked for any money. I could buy my books at a discount, which I have for private signings but there was no stipulation requiring me to buy a certain amount.

Would I sign the same contract today? No. But do I regret signing the one I did? No, as well. I have seen my dream in print. It is off my bucket list to be traditionally published.

Since I have not self-published I certainly am no expert but I will share what I do know. Remember we all have that dream of seeing our books in print. Publishers know this as well and there are many self-publishing companies you would do well to steer clear of. Don't let your dream for being published get in the way of your business sense. Read the contract carefully. Hire an attorney to read it. That may not be cost wise for many of us. At least find a good business person you know and have them read it. I did.

Beware of package deals of self-publishing. I don't know how many people have said they said my package was going to cost $3,000 and it wound up being much more.

We have a huge advantage with the Internet. I was contacted one day by someone who had heard I got published. They said their friend had been offered a publishing contract by a major publishing company and they wanted my advice about the contract. Later, I talked with the friend and they mentioned how they did not want to have to take a loan out for the contract. I researched the publisher and read countless reviews of how they scammed people. I am not making fun of anyone. But when you have such a huge dream you can rule out your good common sense that God hopefully gave us all. It is not a major contract for you if you are carrying all the costs. I did this as delicately as I could. I suggested that anytime before entering into a contract with any type of publisher or agent that you simply type the name added by the word "review" or "scam". You may find one, maybe two scathing rebukes by a disgruntled writer. I don't think that is much too be concerned about. But if there is a pattern of hundreds, I would be wary.

The sad thing is that the publisher mentioned in the above paragraph scammed countless people while parading their company as a Christian establishment that published Christian writers. So if you view yourself as a Christian writer, don't give your trust and your money to a company thinking because they say they are Christian that they will be honest and fair. I think that these type companies, in all walks of business, have gotten so bad that when someone puts a fish symbol on their work vehicle I begin to be more suspicious than trusting. Now, before anyone shoots me an ugly message, I know this is not the case with all businesses and there are many with their fish symbol on the work vehicle who are loyal, honest, and live their faith even when it comes to money.


All self-publishing is not bad. I know a local author who has always self-published her fiction. She has a certain niche that buys her every book & she is comfortable with that. She also found a very good self-publisher. The publisher has been very honest with her and even chose not to charge her for certain items when she reordered. I know another inspirational writer who wrote a wonderful book that I read. He has a speaking circuit and he really did his homework about publishing his book. He also had a mentor to guide him who has written and had several books published traditionally. The key is he researched his options. His book has been successful and most of the profits are his.

My encouragement is that you do your homework.  The same is to be said for hybrid publishing. Read the contract many times and have someone you trust read it as well. My guess is that as more publishers have financial concerns, the growth of hybrid publishing will grow exponentially.

I know many people prefer self or hybrid publishing so their stories do not get altered dramatically. I went with a small press and fortunately, they only edited & at the end asked me to shave a few thousand words to keep the cost of the book down. My story stayed intact.

They were also open to my book cover ideas and ultimately they chose the one I pushed for the most. I can't tell you how many compliments I have received for the book cover of The River Hideaway. My friend, Robbie Johnson, gave me his photograph and the only payment he received is my great appreciation that he shared his art.

Please, regardless of who you seek to publish your book check out their current book covers. Do they look professional? Do they draw your attention? Also, do not be shy about speaking with their authors to see if they are happy with the publisher.

I know it is easier said than done but don't throw away your business sense or your money because your desire is so great to see your book in print. I understand. I pursued getting published on and off for fifteen years before a publisher said yes. It was my dream and I received plenty of discouragement along the way. I had not sent anything out in years when my new wife demanded I try again. I sent it to one publisher and they offered a contract several months later.

Let's say you get published traditionally. Please harbor no illusions that your publisher is going to spend a lot of time & money promoting your book. The promotion is on you. I was able to get my book on the shelf at Barnes and Noble. Was it easy? No. I talked to them and the manager at the time said, "We will order six books and if they are not sold in two weeks they get returned. They sold quickly and they placed another order that sold quickly and then they invited me for a book signing.

I tried to tell them how hard we were networking but they said I would be lucky to sell a dozen books. That is not a bad figure. I have had other signings in other places where I sold less than that. They had thirty books on hand and they were gone inside of forty five minutes. Fortunately, I had two boxes in the truck. There were over two hours left in the signing and I knew more people were coming. I was not going to have people take their time from their busy schedules and make a trip for nothing. We sold another thirty books before the day was done & a few months later they had me back two weeks before Christmas & we sold over fifty books & nearly sold out again. It also led to Barnes & Noble offering me signings in Jacksonville and Raleigh, NC. The one in Raleigh came within a few books of selling out as well.

I have often joked that if I would have made $100,000 on The River Hideaway that it would amount to about minimum wage. One day, I broke the calculator out & began estimating my time spent writing, rewriting, promotion, etc.. Guess what? I don't think that the minimum wage statement is far off.

As much as I pray that one day I might be successfully financially being an author-of even more importance I have had many poignant moments derived from this little story. A man I greatly respected was being read this story the last week of his life. I have had several people say to me that they hated for the story to end. (My favorite compliment) I have had good Christians say that it made them think about their relationship with the Lord. Some said that it made them think-did they see truly beyond race & as my favorite character, Clarence said- Hearts have no color. People were drawn to characters derived from my heart & mind.

I got to see two dreams come true. That someone would be reading my book on the beach and enjoying it. I also know it was given many times as a Christmas gift. What value can be placed on being part of someone's Christmas?

So for all the disappointments along the way. The many times I gave up. Would I do it all over again?

You bet I would.

The journey continues. Remember writers write. Don't waste your time talking about writing. Write.