Point A to Point B

 January Column for Pandora's Box Gazette

https://www.pandorasboxjt.com/single-post/2018/01/14/Sunday-Inspiration-Point-A-to-Point-B

FREEDOM CONFERENCE (Past, Present, Petty)

Many years ago, my director was new in her job & it was also her first stint as a manager. She would go away to seminars & return like the next Tony Robbins. Upon her return an immediate staff meeting was called & she would be gushing about all she learned & what changes we were making. None of the changes that I recall made it to the end of the work week & truthfully by Friday she was on to the next thing. Maybe booking her next conference. It reached a point where one day I pleaded with her. "Please don't go away to any more of those motivational conferences & return to make all these changes that won't last two days." Believe it or not she laughed.

One of her first moves as a young director was to take a veteran staff & put them through one of those team building classes. Full confession. I hate those things. I am pretty certain she was the only one excited about it. It sure didn't improve morale as we had more issues in a dysfunctional work environment than a Ropes course was going to repair.

Don't we as Christians do this as well? We go to the next big teaching & everything is going to change for us. Sometimes months later I can't even remember the name of the conference/teaching I attended.

This spring I attended a 13 week work shop at our church, Lifepoint. It was the Freedom Conference offered through the Church of the Highlands. I heard terms like what a game changer it would be. Full disclosure I hear that term & I immediately think about all the times I have heard that before in church & it turned out not to be true. It is like when someone views a new movie & goes on & on about how great it is. By the time you see it you might walk away thinking it was really good but it had been built up so big that in essence the movie is a let down.

I won't say that about Freedom Conference. The first twelve weeks were good, not earth shattering but the final day was the culmination of it all & that day did not fall short. In fact, it met the conference build up for me. No small task.

I attended the last day with the attitude of I have come this far. I might as well take the final step even if it means all day on a Saturday when the beach weather was great for the first time in days. But my attitude as I arrived that morning was if this is suppose to be a big purge of my soul with a bunch of strangers they can forget me participating. Hold that thought.

Someone like my group leader Randy could explain just what Freedom entails far better than I. It has been hard to put into words when I have been asked. My attempt to explain here is probably lacking terribly but I will give it a try.

Empty your spirit of any past things that may still be hindering you. At the end ask for a filling of the Holy Spirit to replace what God has removed completely. Walk away that day ready to make the Word of God more prevalent in your life as you encounter situations.

As I went through the steps that day my attitude shifted. My heart was open. There were things in my past that while not  bragged about they were spoken about with my wife, Julie. She has lived a good Christian life for all of her life. I have done anything but that. My past far more checkered. I probably did more bad in one day than all her days combined. That is not meant to be an overstatement. It has not been a real problem for us but it has been joked about, especially in regards to my sexual history.

By the time we reached that step. Remember this is the guy that went there to reveal little. I approached one of the prayer leaders & with tears streaming down my face I said, "I really want all this gone. I want to feel as if I belong to Julie & her alone in this lifetime. I want my past gone."

We had been encouraged to write down names of our past before the prayer. Where as I once would have wrote down those names in a bragging way. This was anything but. (Disclaimer- no one looks at what you write. It is between God & you what you reveal & what you don't.) After the prayer we were to tear them into little pieces & leave that part of our past scattered on the floor. I went one step more. I walked to the Cross in the room & tore it up at the foot of it.

I came home exhausted. Collapsing in my bed. I found out the next day I was not alone in that act. I told Julie there were to be no more jokes about my past in that regard. It was in the past & we were going to live in the present. I belonged with her, to her, & to her alone.

As I moved forward I wrote three things on the chalkboard we have mounted on the wall by the front door. Past, Present, Petty.

We were allowing ourselves to get way too bogged down in the pettiness of this life. It is easy to do & I am pretty sure we all do it. The word petty means- of little importance; trivial.

If we believe in our God to be so colossal isn't much of what troubles us-petty? I am not discounting real struggles by any means. At this moment when I pray there are four people I know in a battle with cancer. But what about the other stuff? Unexpected car repairs. How about driving? How about that driver that in a traffic jam can't clear the intersection drives forward anyway because the light is green? They sit in the middle of the intersection unable to move & the light changes to red & then the other people can't drive because the intersection is blocked. That probably should be a capital offense. But regardless of how strongly I feel about it, isn't it a minor thing in our day? Even a petty thing to get upset about?

So I came out of Freedom, shared all this with Julie, & we have just been so above being petty now for weeks. Yeah, right. I knew as soon as I made that declaration we were going to be tested & boy have we been. Right away there was a situation with Julie where we felt like one set of rules had been applied to her & a different set for a newcomer. I can take being slighted, well I try anyway but don't slight my wife. The gloves come off then. But we recognized it as a test & we pointed out all the valid reasons why her situation was handled differently.

As I look back we have allowed many petty items to return. I don't like it. I want to always remember that one word, petty, that I came out of Freedom with.

I have been traditionally published once for my novel, The River Hideaway.   There were countless rejections along the way. I have other stories written & I remember long ago an author I read saying that they were disillusioned by the thinking that once they were published one time it would get easier.I guess there was a reason that has stuck with me all these years.

A few weeks ago a writing friend told me of a publisher in North Carolina that might be a good fit. I followed directions. I shared of the successful book signings at Barnes & Noble & how I had an open door to return to their stores. I shared of the magazine article that was published nationally last year. I tried not to but I got my hopes up. They asked for the first twenty pages. The rejection letter came this week & I was not in the area they are interested in. This one hit harder. Maybe I am losing hope. Maybe I am beginning to think no matter how much my heart's desire is to be a writer it may not be God's plan for me. Is the writing a big deal to all of us that write? Yes it is. But my reaction of going into a funk was petty. Julie knew when she came  home what was wrong even though I share little of my writing world with her. I don't want to disappoint her so if I ever land another book deal she will be the first to know but only after it is a done deal. Contracts signed.

Today at Lifepoint as I was listening to Pastor Jeff the story of Mary & Martha came to me.

⁴⁰ But Martha was very busy and distracted with all of her serving responsibilities; and she approached Him and said, “Lord, is it of no concern to You that my sister has left me to do the serving alone? Tell her to help me and do her part.” ⁴¹ But the Lord replied to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered and anxious about so many things; ⁴² but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part [that which is to her advantage], which will not be taken away from her.”

Couldn't Jesus just as easily be saying, "Billy, Billy, you are worried & anxious about many things? Or insert your name into the scripture. Maybe we should do that more. Insert our name into the passage. 

A wonderful friend in our small group, Dennis has shared his story about coming to Jesus. The preacher was quoting, "Lazareth come forth," as he sat in church. That is not what he heard. He heard clearly, "Dennis, come forth."

This morning I was reading Mark Batterson's book, Play the Man. There was one line that jumped out at me & reminded me of how petty I can be. 

One of the dragon's most insidious lies is that God is holding out on you.

That will probably leave a mark. I could easily say, "Well great for you to write that. You have the writing break you desired." Truthfully, I have thought that about others but never in jealousy. What someone else has is of little concern of mine & it will add nothing to my statue by resenting their success. It cost me nothing to be happy for them & I am particularly glad that Mark received  his break because I have read almost every book he has written. He is my favorite Christian writer.

Believe it or not my one deal being traditionally published & all the money I made :( (maybe $1500.00) brought out jealousy in other writers that never have been able to be traditionally published. Some would hint to Julie & to me. "Now did Billy pay the publisher anything?" It reached a point where I thought about producing my contract which stated I would never be asked for $$$$. But then my pettiness might match theirs. Let people think what they want. There is a short list of people I need approval from & as long as I keep God at the top of that list everything else will fall into place. 

I do not know if I will ever be published again & it is my heart's desire. That is nothing small for any of us. But the way I react is. I can take it in stride & believe God has other plans for me or I can act petty. The choice is mine. I can continue to seek & follow God's path or go my own way as I have most of my life-telling God just how He should use my gifts along the way. 

During a particularly frustrating time, I exclaimed, "Rather a thousand copies with You God than a million without You." It shocked me that I meant that. I still do. In fact, I will add, "Rather no publishing contract ever with You, than a million without You." I have learned things gained without His hand will never be what I desire them to be.


I think it is time for those three words to go back on the chalkboard as a reminder. Our God is bigger than any words to describe.

Past- Leave it there. Don't bring it back up.
Present- Each day is a new day with our Lord. Let's treat it that way & not get too far ahead. (I am guilty of that one as well.)
Petty- Keep the small stuff small. Don't let it interrupt our walk with our God. 

Update- One month later I signed a publishing contract for The Preacher's Letter.

A Letter to my Son

It is hard to believe that my son, Micah, will turn 30 next month. Last week I had a long ago memory visit of my one goal as a parent that I often said when he was a child. It was not that he would be rich, educated, a ballplayer. I had one very simple goal that I don't think I ever shared with him until I wrote it in a card for him this week.

As an adult, will he when faced with a troublesome issue think I can talk to my Dad & he will listen? He will help me sort this out. My thinking was that if he did that than I had done okay as his Dad.

I knew even when he was little I would not be that parent with a desire to control my adult child's life. That kind of defeats the purpose. You raise a child & then you let them go, or at least that is my philosophy. You will always be their parent. Always be there for them but it is their life. Will they fail at times & make wrong choices? You bet they will but didn't we as well?

I wrote my son this week, not asking for a pat on the back but an honest answer. Did I meet my one goal? Do you think that my Dad can help with this problem? Do I listen thoroughly to you or do I start dispensing advice before you finish?

Lots of parents routinely do that with their adult children. Some are even a big part of failed marriages because their children are not wise enough to live out all of Genesis 2:24..

² For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

I always loved the part of the two becoming one...the intimacy. But after one particular failed relationship I realized the importance of the first part of this scripture.  There comes a time to leave your parents & forge your own way. A husband & a wife need to run their own race as a couple. Seek advice from your parents-yes. Allow them a voice in your marriage-no.

I wrote to my son that if I am failing in this regard both now & in the future, tell me. I will correct it. Life is to short & often the things allowed to remain unchallenged in a family become the very matters that construct walls that imprison families. It is difficult to break habits & often hard to see our own bad habits in how we interact with our family. Some find it easier to fashion the Norman Rockwell painting that they know did not ever exist. I never could buy into that. It is only with dealing with the truth in any relationship that we can break down the barriers & reach a better place. Pretending things are better than they are is like putting a band-aid on a deep wound.

There is another thing I wrote in that card. I want Micah to learn not only from the good things I have taught him but I want him to learn from the things I did wrong. There are many important life long lessons I have taken to heart from my Dad that were anything but positive. The things he did I knew were wrong & even as a child I swore I would not be that way with my own child when that day came. 

My Dad was a good man but he was like a lot of men in that era. They left the parenting to the Mother. But I still learned because they were still failures on his part. He could not apologize & admit to being wrong. Never once to me in my entire life. But I learned. Maybe in reverse but I learned & I am grateful. Grateful that I often said to my son, "I am sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me." 

Micah also never went to bed at night without hearing I love you. Even to this day. Every phone call, visit,  ends often in multiple I love you's exchanged. Again I learned this in reverse from my Father & Micah it is okay that you learn in reverse from me. I failed often. I realize that. I own it.

As I have written before that my idea for The River Hideaway came from watching one of my favorite movies. A Time to Kill.

There is a wonderful exchange between the young attorney, played by Matthew McConaughey & his mentor, Donald Sutherland.

Jake Tyler Brigance: I can't be you, Lucian.

Lucien Wilbanks: Don't be me, Jake. Be better than me.

I  have thought of that line often in regards to Micah. Don't be me. Be better than me.

I love you son.

My adult son. My best man on Julie & my wedding day. 

My Regrets

Have you ever met someone that stated boldly that they have no regrets? It sounds good to say that but do you believe it? I don't. Oh, I get the thing about experiences shaping us & how we learn from our mistakes. All of that is true. But I made some ill fated choices that hurt people. Am I forgiven by them, by God? Yes. Do I regret the pain I inflicted? Yes!

Turning 60 has brought so much to light. Don't get me wrong. I believe my best days with God are in front of me. I hope one day to look back 20 years from now & say, "Wow, God. What a journey. The final chapter of my life was the greatest." My prayer is that I will be a living example of the scripture. Corinthians 1:27.

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;

My regret today is that I hung on to what I wanted-what I thought I needed & despite a dramatic Born Again experience at the age of 19 I never really let go of the wheel of this life & placed God above all else. I was always holding on to something. My hopes, my dreams...for many years even holding on to my anger toward Him. My disappointment in Him. 

I marvel at people at Lifepoint Church who are decades younger than me. They are so sold out for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. A young couple we know scrapping it all to go into the mission field in a far away country. Leaving behind all the comforts of home. A young man who has befriended a homeless man & devotes his time to helping him be clean, offering him encouragement...hope..friendship.  So many examples. They humble me.

First above all. Not a relationship you cling too that you know you need to let go of. Not religious practices that grant temporary comfort but not real relationship. Not money, things. If only I had this or that. First let me get this. I was the poster child for that line of thinking. No...First....surrender...

I only wish I would have started sooner.  

https://billybeasley.blogspot.com/2013/02/what-is-holding-you-back-dad.html

Fishhook, Teke & Was it a Miracle from God?

Teke, our Australian Cattle Dog, turned five months old yesterday. We have had her since she was two days shy of eight weeks. It has been an eventful three months to say the least. It had been decades since my wife Julie & I had dealt with having a puppy. I forgot the joys of it. ;)

We have been over protective & I have been a chronic worrier over her safety. It has been just shy of two years ago that we lost Sydney-Julie's rescue Chihuahua mix that I fell deeply in love with when he came to live with me. It was a two way street. I can't seem to escape the worry that came from Sydny dying hours after surgery to remove a pit that lodged in his intestine.

There was the day that I was walking Teke in our neighborhood on her leash when a large dog-maybe 100 pounds charged Teke with intent to maim. I had no time to think-only to react & spin her away from his charge into my arms. Fortunately the negligent owners of the aggressive dog got there in time to prevent a second charge. I had bad images for a long time over what could have been. The part that got to me the most & that I choked up about when I told Julie later that night was when I was still holding Teke long after the incident & discovered my shirt was wet with my then 14 pound puppy's urine.

The fish hook incident I will leave for you to decide. Miracle, luck that either can or can't be explained. I am all ears. For the record, I don't go around claiming everything is a miracle or the devil is hiding behind every bush.

It was several weeks ago & Julie had taken Teke to Carolina Beach State Park & allowed her off lead near the river. No big deal I had done the same thing the week before. Teke found a dead fish in the marsh & you know how a little puppy will eat about anything. She ate a big chunk of the fish before Julie could catch her. Julie came home & washed Teke & herself to remove the rancid smell. Julie called the Vet & they said to keep an eye on her & if she started to vomiting or got diarrhea to bring her in.

Fast forward about 14 hours later to the next morning at sunrise. We wake up to the sound of Teke throwing up. Julie reaches her first & ask me to take her outside to see if she has finished. She had. Julie cleaned the kennel.

As Teke & I reentered the house I hear Julie sobbing loudly in the bedroom. I rush to her & this was the following conversation.

Me: What is wrong?
Julie: She swallowed a fish hook.
Me: What? I am pretty sure there was a head shake of disbelief at one point. Is it all there?
Julie is holding a pillow from the kennel & presses it toward me. Yes. Look.

Was it my prayer over Teke the previous afternoon that she would not be sick or injured from the fish? Could it be traced back to the day we picked her up at Sleepy Hollow Cattle Dogs where my son, Micah drove to meet us? Before we left the farm & Micah was to return to Raleigh & Julie & I to Carolina Beach-I retrieved the bottle of anointing oil I had placed in the side door of my truck & prayed over her protection. I even reminded God that the last time I did this over a dog that it was Sydny & he died. Why one prayer granted & the other not I have no clue. That is why He is God & I am not. His ways far higher than mine- even if I don't always care for the result. And I don't always care for the result. 

Julie called the Vet with the update. They asked the same question many of you have. She swallowed the entire fish hook & it all came back up in tact? Yes & yes. They even called twice the next week to check on Teke. I think they had a hard time understanding.

Later as we had time to process & this is the part that makes me believe it was a miracle from God & not ridiculous luck. I ask Julie who has a good medical background. "Did you check her tongue, gums, cheeks, throat-basically everything you can see?"

She had as I knew she would & what she found was not one scratch. Not one drop of blood. That is so much like God because when He does something He does it completely. Perfectly. I probably would have still believed it was a miracle-if say she got a nasty cut on her tongue in the process but for there not to be one mark. Not a moment after throwing that entire fish  hook back up that had been inside of her for approximately 14 hours did she show the first sign of anything other than complete wholeness.

You take from this what you will. I know what I believe & in case you have to ask she is not allowed off lead near the river any longer.

The Choice of Baptism Now

My first act of rebellion was to leave the Baptist Church my family attended, at age twelve & run down the street to join the Methodist Church. They had the younger, cooler minister, Al Morris. I was sprinkled in the church & what I recall most all these years later is my body was shaking uncontrollably during the baptism. It was not fear. My thoughts now are God knew that very soon I would depart down about every bad road a young boy/man could venture. It was as if He were shaking me with His presence & at the same time telling me that my hand is upon you & you will return to me.


At age nineteen as I walked down a lonely dark road one night-A life wrought with heartache. A life where the parties began early & often only ended early the next morning as I would crawl into bed as the sunrise came.  No drug untouched. No opportunity for searching for fun in all the wrong places. I am not going to tell you I did not have a good time. There is pleasure in sin for a season but I was always a searcher & at times the life grew weary & I knew there had to be more.

That night, God showed up. He spoke & it all changed. It was such a life transformation that it would have been better for society & me if I could have been sent away to some secluded quiet place for two years while maybe I could learn to live with the truth of the Gospel.

As it is I made many bad choices. One in particular that years later would result in divorce when my son was two years old. The battles in court. The pain of not having your child with you each night. The long drive home after dropping him off at his Mom's. As time passed I became angry with this God who had such power that He showed up one night on a dark road but would not grant fairness in my life.

I went back to the party life. Never to the degree that I lived in my youth. But soon life became about clubbing, searching for that certain woman. This life grew old as well & I began to stay home alone with my anger at God.

Later in my life I was in my mid fifties & I began to attend church but I still held on to what I wanted more than what God wanted. Being a Christian can be a pretty generic term. I always sensed that for me- to really be a Christian was when I cared more about what God wanted for my life than what I wanted. Through it all, even the Born Again Damascus Road experience I never really did that.

It was January of 2012. I was driving down the road when I said, "God, I have made a mess of everything I have touched. You take the wheel. I will place what you want in my life above my own desires, even if it is not what I want. Where You say go. I will go. " That was my moment that led to yesterday. To be baptized with more  understanding. More understanding that I can't live a mixture of law & grace as was often preached in my earlier days. It is His grace. Period.

It has been on my heart to be baptized since last year about this time. I wanted to be baptized in my sanctuary-the ocean. Lifepoint has an annual baptism each summer in August. I was recovering from ankle surgery & could not participate last summer.

One day this spring, I met with Jack Teachey at Lifepoint about serving. I mentioned about my desire to be baptized. He responded with, "If this is on your heart you don't need to wait till August. I will meet you wherever you want me too." He completely got me about wanting it to take place on the beach.

Wow! I did not even know that was an option. So yesterday, my wife, Julie, Kim Williamson, my small group leader, Randy Dallos, who I began serving with at the First Time Guests booth, & Jack met at my adopted family's home on Carolina Beach.


Some highlights.

I was able to be baptized right where Julie & I were married a little over three years ago.


It was raining pretty hard mid afternoon & I heard thunder in the distance. But when our time to meet at the beach came it was beautiful. The sun came out. Beautiful cloud formations & God decided to favor His child with a rainbow. As someone commented on Facebook last night that they didn't know that was my rainbow they saw. Yes, it was.

One last thing that I did not think about until I was home. I noticed no one on the beach but us. It was our private time. Anyone that spends time on the beach knows late in the day there are walkers, joggers, people taking their dogs for a stroll. I saw none of that.

This was a step that I felt God, for whatever reasons, wanted me to take before He takes us to the next step.

I can hardly wait. 

Lesson About Images

Even after that moment when as I drove down the road & said, "God, I  have messed up everything I have touched. You take the wheel. I will go where you say go even if it is not what I desire." I continued to not give much thought to the Movies I watched. Now, I am not talking about Pornography but I would watch a movie that I hoped would have a good story & I overlooked certain scenes as part of the movie. Please before I go any further don't mistake this for any judgments or me parading as a choir boy. Those that know me know that is far from true.

Much of my movie collection has left the premises since Julie became my wife just over three years ago. My son, Micah & I teased her about how we could have no more fun movies. Yes,  I would rather watch movies & not hear cursing & I never wanted to watch stuff with abuse in it. And I hate gore. I know it is fake but can't we just shoot the bad guy & not show me his insides?

Julie would warn me that you are taking that stuff in whether you believe it or not. I dismissed her.I still thought well if it is a DVD I can just skip through the bad part but sometimes you are not quick enough.

I grew up during the times of Westerns be it the many movies made or the television shows. I absolutely love Westerns & I get excited now when the rare new one comes out. My favorite movie, not just favorite Western is Tombstone.  Val Kilmer in his greatest role ever. Kurt Russell playing Wyatt Earp. I have probably viewed it twenty times over the years.

So I saw the previews to The Hateful Eight and Kurt Russell stars in it & while I knew it was rated R I didn't do my research. I ignored what I did read because it was a Western! Did I mention I love Westerns?  One day with no thought I stopped at the Redbox around the corner & rented it.

Over one hour into it & enduring the multiple cursing.GD said so many times & yet that was tame for what was to come. There is a scene so horrific, brutal, disgusting, obscene, that it has taken some serious prayer to remove those images from this house-from our minds. I don't know if I froze with the remote or that I thought surely they would not show what I feared was coming.

The sad thing is I can't even say it was a good Western minus the horrible part. It was lame at best. Quentin Tarantino's attempts at humor fell woefully short.

I could have done more research. I could have read what this Christian wrote. http://christiananswers.net/spotlight/movies/2015/hatefuleight2015.html

One thing I did come away with is Quentin Tarantino is in dire need of prayer as are the people that participated in this movie. Something is horribly lacking in Quentin's life & I think I know what it is.

It must be difficult to be an actor in Hollywood & be a believer. Can you do non-Christian movies? Sure, & since I watch non-Christian movies I would be a hypocrite to say other wise. But I would never choose to be part of a movie like this.

Many people have told me that The River Hideaway would make a good moive. Sure that would be exciting but suppose they turned it into graphic scenes, brutality- that is not part of the book? I don't want that & I don't care about the money involved. I do not want to gain the entire or part of the world & lose my soul in the process.

Don't make the mistake I did. Don't rent The Hateful Eight.  Don't bring that garbage in your home. A  home that I am suppose to be the leader in. I fell woefully short.

Trust me you are not missing anything.  I guess some of you will say it is only a film. I understand. I would have said that too but not any more.

It won't happen again. Julie was right. I should have listened.

March Madness

This is definitely a different type blog for me to write. Sports fan or not most of us are aware of March Madness. I am going to probably lose many of you with the following admission. I am a Duke Basketball fan & have been so since I was seven years old. There is one thing only those that know me best realize & that is that I value fairness/honesty above being a fan.

If you hate a player who plays for your rival would you love that same player if he wore the jersey of your team? Can you answer that honestly? That call you thought went against your team that you are certain was a charge. Would it still be that if your team got the call? Do you take partial accounts of stories & run with them if they support your dislike of another team?

I accept that the word fan is short for fanatic & we can all be that at times. Even though I will not go on social media & taunt when my team wins or whine when they lose doesn't mean I don't behave like a fool at times. Ask my wife. Wait... maybe don't do that.

I was involved in sports for much of my life. Playing as a kid & as a young man, though certainly not on any level near March Madness. The most meaningful thing I did was coach young boys in the sport of basketball for twenty years. No one wanted to win more than I did. I actually believe sports competition for kids is a good thing but that is not a story for today.

As a coach I failed miserably at times, both as a winner & loser. I tried not to rub victory in the other team's face because if you are a part of sports you know what it is like to lose & losing hurts. Still, there are times when we won championship nail biter games that I wish I would have been more calm. Celebrated less. One incident in particular, comes to mind. We had an injury bug the week of the tournament & somehow still won by two points. I forgot this for many years until someone reminded me I sank to the floor & screamed, "Yes," repeatedly. Many years later I saw it on video. I was embarrassed. I still am. I know it was the sheer relief of the week but there was a coach, who I thought a lot of who was waiting to shake my hand. I don't think he thought badly of me. We were rivals but respectful rivals. Not the I hate you because your jersey is a different kind of color.

Today, I would never do that. I will not argue sports or much of anything else. Duke won it all last year & I was thrilled but I never rubbed it in the face of my friends who love a different shade of blue. I wonder sometimes if we don't hate our rival more than we love our team. I have had to think about that one for sure.

Grayson Allen, who plays for Duke, did a bonehead thing & tripped two opponents in games earlier this year. Now he is a villain. People are just looking for the next thing he does & when you look for things with such zeal you will find them whether they are true or not. It reminds me of people who look for the devil behind every bush.

These incidents will follow him thanks to our age of social media, which is both a blessing & a curse. I did similar things in games on a far less stage. Thankfully, there are no videos of it looping on social media.

So today, I can say I would not do those things but here is a big difference. I am almost sixty. Grayson Allen is twenty years old. How many stupid things did you & I do at age twenty? We need to think about those things before we become so judgmental. I make no excuses for his behavior. He was wrong. I just am not comfortable labeling him a bad person now for the rest of his life because of poor decisions that came out during competition. Those that never cared about sports you may not get this but those of you that have participated I think that you will, because I doubt any of you have always behaved in an exemplary fashion, especially when we care so much about winning and losing.

Sure you can say I would have a different opinion if he played for another team. But what you wouldn't know is when P.J. Hairston, who played for the other shade of blue,  kept making bad decisions in life I took no comfort in that. I prayed for him. He is a young man who has made mistakes but that doesn't mean he always will.

Making a bad choice does not make someone a bad person. If that were true there would be no hope for any of us.

Fortunately, God does not keep playing a loop of our mistakes. His grace is far better than that. Maybe some will share negative comments about this because of their allegiance to a sports team. So be it. There are people who seem to live for that sort of thing. I read a nice article online this week about a young player & the comments turned ugly quickly. People going back & forth calling each other names in the comments section. That is not a life for me.

I surely do not want to be judged for the times I acted or reacted poorly during a sports contest. We that believe in God have pretty much all heard in one message or another on Sunday, that we are not our mistakes.

Couldn't we apply that same grace to athletes? Coaches? Each other?

After Valentine's Day

I don't think you will find many men who get excited about Valentine's Day. Count me in that loop. That might explain the numerous men buying flowers in the grocery store on Valentine's Day. Yes, I have been one of them. But as I have become older & hopefully wiser I have learn to listen when my wife, Julie tells me it is a special day for her. She remembers the many Valentines she spent alone or in an unhappy marriage. Thankfully, God blessed me with a low maintenance woman who did not care to go out in the masses of people dining out for Valentine's Day. She hinted rather strongly that her favorite flower-white tulips were at Harris Teeter & on sale. She also asked if I would grill steaks.

Last year at this time, we heard a fantastic message on relationships by our Pastor, Jeff Kapusta at Lifepoint Church.  He covered it all. Those dating, those not dating, & those of us that are married. I sure learned some things. He talked about those things we do in the beginning that we cease doing in time. Jeff still opens the car door for his wife 99% of the time after nineteen years of marriage.  

Jeff talked about standards & he had a list of things that were really right on target. One of my favorite things he said that I have said countless times. Listen to your friends. The word friend is sacred to me. There is a huge difference between a friend & an acquaintance. A real friend is not only there for you at three a.m. but they want you to be happy. They are not petty or envious of your success. They are empathetic with you in your failures. If they are not these things you need new friends.

So when they tell  you that you are in an unhealthy relationship....Listen. I don't care if you are in love or not. Don't be that fool like me that thinks you see something inside of them that your friends can't see. 

I've been there when my friends told me to bail. I wish I would have been wise enough to have listened sooner. On the other hand, my friends love Julie. My best friend Jack, who is not given to a lot of emotion could scarcely speak at our wedding when it was time for him to offer a toast. Thankfully, he has a great wife too, Kelly, that helped him along with his speech.

Another aspect is, don't settle out of loneliness. It made me think of the worse kind of loneliness. It is not when you are alone for the Holidays. It is not when you are alone at a certain age. The worst loneliness is being lonely in a bad marriage. Trust me.

The fear of loneliness can drive people to one bad decision after another. I bet we all know people who simply can't be alone. They close one relationship out with another. I am no counselor but common sense should tell you that is not going to work. 

Julie & I were both lonely but we both were in a position where we meant it when we said, "God if you are not in it we would rather be alone." Julie realized this much sooner than I. Of course she did should be the chorus line right now. I kept doing that thing that most people do. Let me get what I think I should have & God I will get around to you on the back end of my decision. Is it any wonder the divorce rate is 50%? I tell you why I did it my way. I did not trust God because if I did I would have wanted Him in it from the very beginning. But placing Him in it from the beginning would mean doing it His way. We want to do our way.


Julie & I did not do everything right but I will tell you one thing we did that I suggest everyone do. We were up front from the beginning. We kept throwing our cards on the table. I use the word deal breaker often. I wanted to know early if we were not on a path that would turn out differently than our history.

Think about it. You meet someone. You are falling for them & then you become hesitant because what if I share this about myself & they think it is too much? We didn't do that. I think within the first two to three weeks we had shared all the things we were afraid or even a little ashamed to share. 

Julie did something early on that I can't even explain how much it meant. I shared one of my possible deal breakers & she looked at me with those kind, unwavering eyes & said, "You keep saying these things like that is going to be the one thing that causes me to walk out the door. I am not going anywhere." She meant it. She still does.


I thought about Jeff's list yesterday. I use to have one & it was before I turned the wheel of this life over to God.

1. Great Passion.

2. Great Communication. 

3. Common Interests.  (Now this does not mean that you have to love all the same  things but you better have a few things that  you enjoy doing together because if one of you gives in to what the other wants to do all the time there will be resentment that comes to play.)

4. Common Values.

I still think it is a pretty good list but here is the one I did not have back then. It should be the first one. Place God first. Trust Him to know what is best for  you.

If you are single trust God. If you are married keep growing together. Don't allow today's minor problem to become tomorrow's major obstacle. Communicate with each other. Listen. No silent treatment.

I was confident that we would have a good marriage-even a great one because of two main things. We both wanted to put God first & we knew He was on board with our path. The second was we would both know not to take our life with each other for granted.

It had nothing to do with Valentine's Day last week when I looked at her & said, "Thank you for loving me at my worst." I have had the other love.It is not worth it.

We have made each other better. We are good for each other. Don't waste time in a relationship where you are not good for each other. 


One last thing that Julie & I both do well. We walk in the other room & say, "I am sorry. I blew it." And it is over. No lingering drama. No carryover.

You know there is scarcely a day that goes by that I don't thank God for Julie. She is better than I deserved. A gift from God & no other woman has or could ever measure up. I pray that for all of you.

But Pastor Jeff, I do need to get that door thing back in the regular rotation.

Hearts Have No Color

"Hearts have no color Daddy.  You taught me that when I was a little girl.”

This is maybe my favorite line in the The River Hideaway. I won't give away too much for those of you who have not read the book yet & if you haven't what in the world are you waiting on? :) 

What I love about this line is that it has taken on a life of its own with many of the readers. I  have had- Hearts have no color- repeated back to me by various readers. My friend, Richard Busby, suggested at a book signing in Raleigh to sign the books with that caption. I don't know why I did not think of it sooner. 

There are a few reasons why this line means so much to me. The lesson was taught by my favorite character in The River Hideaway, Clarence Wilkins, a black man, refuses to allow the prejudice he endures in his life to change his way of belief that- "Hearts have no color." He teaches this lesson to his son & daughter. But there comes a part in the story when his daughter ventures down a road that he does not approve of & he does not live out the words that he has taught. She turns his words back to him. What will he do?

The River Hideaway is fictional-unlike our lives, though at times I sure wish I could write some of my decisions off to fiction. I love the line in my book because I believe it with all my heart. I believe it because I believe in God- a Father that loves His children. Do you think for one moment that our loving Father considers the color of our skin? I don't. 

I have shared often about growing up in a church where racism flourished. Even as a little boy during the racial conflict that was a big part of Wilmington during that time as well as in much of the country I recall sitting in church thinking isn't this where we should all come together? But our doors were closed to anyone of color. I never shared my thoughts with anyone & I forgot about the thoughts a little boy once had for most of my life. But don't you think God knew that a little boy would one day grow up & write a story about racially charged times? I suspect even then He was planting the seed for the type man I would grow up to be. 

Recently, I heard a message from a black minister who felt the Lord wanted him to integrate the church that he was Shepherd at. It was met with resistance by some of the congregation but he pressed on because that was his directive from God.  The church is now diversified.

I wish I could tell you that I never was prejudice as I grew up in the south or that I had no problem when our schools begin to integrate, or when we were bused to what was previously an all black school I said, "Great. Sign me up." No, sadly I gave into the silly stereotypes of that time. 

But on the night when God showed up to a lost young man, walking down a black street & I experienced first hand how real our God is I knew without anyone telling me that God looked on the heart. The color of our skin matters not. Not in any circumstance. 

1 Samuel 16:7
The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

I coached basketball for twenty years. I was asked often. How many black kids do you have on  your team. What a question. No one ever asked me how many white kids I had on my team. My answer was always the same. "I don't know."
That was the truth. Oh, I could have sat down & thought about it or looked at the team photograph but it was not information I stored in my head. I would hope my boys would say coach just wanted us to play hard, play smart, be a good teammate. He didn't care if we were purple if we just did that.

    

Remember when the disciples asked Jesus about Heaven & He said you don't even understand earthly things. 

I am pretty sure of a few things about Heaven. There will be no us & them. There will be no racial division. No prejudice. No stereotypes. Maybe just one heart all tied into our Father.

  

Hearts have no color.  

I believe that is more than a line in a fictional story. 

Do our changes sometimes shock us?

Micah 6:8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Maybe it is because I fell so far from my Born Again experience that I embrace this scripture wholeheartedly. In fact, it has become my second favorite scripture. 

Isn't it encouraging to experience those moments that reveal the change in us? I call those the it's okay to pat myself on the back moments. Joyce Meyer often says in her messages, "I may not be who I need to be but thank God I am not who I use to be."


Do you ever have a moment where you truly realize how much you have changed, or even more to the point how much you have allowed the Spirit of God residing in you to reshape you? 

For so many years I dreamed, pursued a traditional publishing contract for something I had written. I would have given anything to have this dream come true. I use to say often, "God, if you are not going to help than at least get out of my way & allow me to have this." I came close so often that I felt that He was keeping his foot on my dream coming true. I have no idea if he was interfering in what I desired so intently in my heart or not. I do know that The River Hideaway changed, at least in my opinion to a better story when I let go of the wheel of this life & I wrote it again-increasing the spiritual aspect of the story that began with the character Louie.

One day, with little thought as I debated about the ways to get the word about The River Hideaway out, I said out loud. "God, I would rather sell a thousand copies with You than a million without You."

It really did not dawn on me immediately the magnitude of what I had just said. I said  it casually with no room for debate. That is how much I had changed in what was most important. 

Matthew 6:33 
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

It is one of those times when this scripture is alive. Now, don't get me wrong. If you think I live this scripture to the fullest every day than you are granting me far too much credit. It is human nature to do it our way & I fall prey to that but when I do I return to the basic value of my life.

God, regardless of how much I desire something, or the rewards involved-if you are not in it I want no part of it. 

I love this tweet by Christine Caine. It says it far better than I ever could. 

I want to be part of what He orchestrates.

Have a great day everyone & I pray a wonderful Thanksgiving for each of you.

Marriage Should Be Work?

I never cared for the relationship advice about how you had to work at it. Don't get me wrong. I understand the premise, but it always made it sound more like a job to me. Relationships while none are perfect should be fun & enjoyable..If not, I am not sure what the point is.

As Julie was backing out the drive this morning & both of us giggling about my silly antics. I thought about all the laughter we share with each other. How we are grateful for new opportunities that will allow us to spend more time together.

It is no secret that I have been around the block a few times but once I let go of what I thought I needed, God provided me with more than I could ever dream of with Julie. And Julie was & is His child. A child He loves dearly.

I think it is safe to say we have all charged down paths we knew not to be good for us with the thinking that we will invite God in on the back end of our deal. This above tweet from Christine Caine I found to be very succinct & powerful. 

God is not obligated to sustain what He did not orchestrate.

I lived like this most of my life. Charging ahead from one adventure to another & always leaving God on the outside of what I desired. I fully intended to bring Him in on the back end after I got everything I wanted.

Big shocker here. It was an epic fail. 

But I reached a point when everything I had tried failed. It is like all the years I spent coaching kids in the great sport of basketball. One of our favorite things that my assistant coach, Richard Mears & I said to kids so frequently that I am sure they rolled their eyes at us. "Good habits breed good habits & bad habits breed bad habits." For example, you have a kid who has repeated a bad habit so often that it feels natural to him. You try to convince him to change because he lacks proper form. His complaint would be it does not feel right. My response was, "But your way is not working. What do you have to lose?"

That was me. I reached a point where I had to come to grips that my way was not working. I trusted my thinking of what was right for me more than I trusted God. 

"God, I do not wish to be alone forever but if You are not in it I would rather remain alone for the rest of my life because it will fail like all the rest." That was the place I finally reached.

I don't know that anyone that knew Julie & I before we begin to date that would have said, "Now they would make a great match." But yet looking back I have no doubts that God was preparing both of us for our eventual meeting. 

I have been very blessed on occasion to have witnessed the Supernatural works of the Holy Spirit. Times when I knew without question it was as the wonderful Christian Author, Mark Batterson wrote, "Sometimes God shows up. Sometimes God shows off."

Two months before I met Julie I was in the shower. Don't you love how God does not stand on pretense? He wants to come in it & does not matter what you might be doing. 

As clear as someone in the room speaking to me I heard. "Get your house in order." What? What does that mean? I thought about it for several days and then I kind of forgot about it.

Fast forward a few months & Julie & I are on our third date & it is the first time she was in my house. She was seated at the kitchen table and I went in the back for something & I felt that tug & reminder of what I heard in the shower that day. 

I sat down next to her & shared the story. Her eyes glazed over & she made me repeat it again. "Say that again. Just like you said it the first time."

I did. She shook her head. "I heard that same thing recently. In fact, I heard it multiple times. I asked God what it meant and He said, The man I have for you is coming and he is coming quickly." She had been alone for ten years waiting on her Boaz. 

I don't remember anymore of our conversation that day. What we both took away was that God made it clear that if our two paths merged to one-He would be on board. He would bless us. We still had to sort through things because we both had our share of scars. We are not robots. We did not rush right out & get married because God showed us something.  

There was an age difference that I was not comfortable with but you know it was more than that. I knew Julie to be the far better Christian than me. That is still true today. I was not sure I deserved her. I was not certain I was a good enough man for her. There is not a week that goes by that I don't say, "God, I do not deserve my wife but I am not returning the gift that You gave me." 

That is what Julie is to me. A gift from our Father.

Last night as I sat on the porch waiting for Julie to come home I felt a sadness & I drifted to questioning myself, which I am apt to do. I have always been my own worse critic. I found encouragement as I sorted through my thoughts when I came to a simple fact. 

God trusted me with his precious child that He loves dearly. He thought I was the right man for Julie. Me. He thought I was good enough for her. He did not think it. He is God and He knows it.

It encouraged me because if He thought I was good enough for Julie-why should I question that? Question Him?

I still wrestle at times like many of us that say in our mind we know God loves us but it does not always make the journey to our heart. Why is it I can see Julie as someone that God loves dearly & not so much myself? Just because I may view Julie as more deserving of God's love does not mean that is how it is. 

I was given a gift by my Father. Wow! I am closing in on a pretty big number. I will be sixty years old in another year. We have been married now for over two years & we have been together almost three years. Our first date. The seven hour coffee as it is referred to now is just around the corner. Next Monday, October 26.Hopefully, when people see us together they say, "Wow. If that is not God I don't know what it could be."

Gifts are suppose to be fun, right? So are relationships.

My gift, Julie. I love you Baby.
Happy 3 years (almost) 

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