After Valentine's Day

I don't think you will find many men who get excited about Valentine's Day. Count me in that loop. That might explain the numerous men buying flowers in the grocery store on Valentine's Day. Yes, I have been one of them. But as I have become older & hopefully wiser I have learn to listen when my wife, Julie tells me it is a special day for her. She remembers the many Valentines she spent alone or in an unhappy marriage. Thankfully, God blessed me with a low maintenance woman who did not care to go out in the masses of people dining out for Valentine's Day. She hinted rather strongly that her favorite flower-white tulips were at Harris Teeter & on sale. She also asked if I would grill steaks.

Last year at this time, we heard a fantastic message on relationships by our Pastor, Jeff Kapusta at Lifepoint Church.  He covered it all. Those dating, those not dating, & those of us that are married. I sure learned some things. He talked about those things we do in the beginning that we cease doing in time. Jeff still opens the car door for his wife 99% of the time after nineteen years of marriage.  

Jeff talked about standards & he had a list of things that were really right on target. One of my favorite things he said that I have said countless times. Listen to your friends. The word friend is sacred to me. There is a huge difference between a friend & an acquaintance. A real friend is not only there for you at three a.m. but they want you to be happy. They are not petty or envious of your success. They are empathetic with you in your failures. If they are not these things you need new friends.

So when they tell  you that you are in an unhealthy relationship....Listen. I don't care if you are in love or not. Don't be that fool like me that thinks you see something inside of them that your friends can't see. 

I've been there when my friends told me to bail. I wish I would have been wise enough to have listened sooner. On the other hand, my friends love Julie. My best friend Jack, who is not given to a lot of emotion could scarcely speak at our wedding when it was time for him to offer a toast. Thankfully, he has a great wife too, Kelly, that helped him along with his speech.

Another aspect is, don't settle out of loneliness. It made me think of the worse kind of loneliness. It is not when you are alone for the Holidays. It is not when you are alone at a certain age. The worst loneliness is being lonely in a bad marriage. Trust me.

The fear of loneliness can drive people to one bad decision after another. I bet we all know people who simply can't be alone. They close one relationship out with another. I am no counselor but common sense should tell you that is not going to work. 

Julie & I were both lonely but we both were in a position where we meant it when we said, "God if you are not in it we would rather be alone." Julie realized this much sooner than I. Of course she did should be the chorus line right now. I kept doing that thing that most people do. Let me get what I think I should have & God I will get around to you on the back end of my decision. Is it any wonder the divorce rate is 50%? I tell you why I did it my way. I did not trust God because if I did I would have wanted Him in it from the very beginning. But placing Him in it from the beginning would mean doing it His way. We want to do our way.


Julie & I did not do everything right but I will tell you one thing we did that I suggest everyone do. We were up front from the beginning. We kept throwing our cards on the table. I use the word deal breaker often. I wanted to know early if we were not on a path that would turn out differently than our history.

Think about it. You meet someone. You are falling for them & then you become hesitant because what if I share this about myself & they think it is too much? We didn't do that. I think within the first two to three weeks we had shared all the things we were afraid or even a little ashamed to share. 

Julie did something early on that I can't even explain how much it meant. I shared one of my possible deal breakers & she looked at me with those kind, unwavering eyes & said, "You keep saying these things like that is going to be the one thing that causes me to walk out the door. I am not going anywhere." She meant it. She still does.


I thought about Jeff's list yesterday. I use to have one & it was before I turned the wheel of this life over to God.

1. Great Passion.

2. Great Communication. 

3. Common Interests.  (Now this does not mean that you have to love all the same  things but you better have a few things that  you enjoy doing together because if one of you gives in to what the other wants to do all the time there will be resentment that comes to play.)

4. Common Values.

I still think it is a pretty good list but here is the one I did not have back then. It should be the first one. Place God first. Trust Him to know what is best for  you.

If you are single trust God. If you are married keep growing together. Don't allow today's minor problem to become tomorrow's major obstacle. Communicate with each other. Listen. No silent treatment.

I was confident that we would have a good marriage-even a great one because of two main things. We both wanted to put God first & we knew He was on board with our path. The second was we would both know not to take our life with each other for granted.

It had nothing to do with Valentine's Day last week when I looked at her & said, "Thank you for loving me at my worst." I have had the other love.It is not worth it.

We have made each other better. We are good for each other. Don't waste time in a relationship where you are not good for each other. 


One last thing that Julie & I both do well. We walk in the other room & say, "I am sorry. I blew it." And it is over. No lingering drama. No carryover.

You know there is scarcely a day that goes by that I don't thank God for Julie. She is better than I deserved. A gift from God & no other woman has or could ever measure up. I pray that for all of you.

But Pastor Jeff, I do need to get that door thing back in the regular rotation.

Marriage Should Be Work?

I never cared for the relationship advice about how you had to work at it. Don't get me wrong. I understand the premise, but it always made it sound more like a job to me. Relationships while none are perfect should be fun & enjoyable..If not, I am not sure what the point is.

As Julie was backing out the drive this morning & both of us giggling about my silly antics. I thought about all the laughter we share with each other. How we are grateful for new opportunities that will allow us to spend more time together.

It is no secret that I have been around the block a few times but once I let go of what I thought I needed, God provided me with more than I could ever dream of with Julie. And Julie was & is His child. A child He loves dearly.

I think it is safe to say we have all charged down paths we knew not to be good for us with the thinking that we will invite God in on the back end of our deal. This above tweet from Christine Caine I found to be very succinct & powerful. 

God is not obligated to sustain what He did not orchestrate.

I lived like this most of my life. Charging ahead from one adventure to another & always leaving God on the outside of what I desired. I fully intended to bring Him in on the back end after I got everything I wanted.

Big shocker here. It was an epic fail. 

But I reached a point when everything I had tried failed. It is like all the years I spent coaching kids in the great sport of basketball. One of our favorite things that my assistant coach, Richard Mears & I said to kids so frequently that I am sure they rolled their eyes at us. "Good habits breed good habits & bad habits breed bad habits." For example, you have a kid who has repeated a bad habit so often that it feels natural to him. You try to convince him to change because he lacks proper form. His complaint would be it does not feel right. My response was, "But your way is not working. What do you have to lose?"

That was me. I reached a point where I had to come to grips that my way was not working. I trusted my thinking of what was right for me more than I trusted God. 

"God, I do not wish to be alone forever but if You are not in it I would rather remain alone for the rest of my life because it will fail like all the rest." That was the place I finally reached.

I don't know that anyone that knew Julie & I before we begin to date that would have said, "Now they would make a great match." But yet looking back I have no doubts that God was preparing both of us for our eventual meeting. 

I have been very blessed on occasion to have witnessed the Supernatural works of the Holy Spirit. Times when I knew without question it was as the wonderful Christian Author, Mark Batterson wrote, "Sometimes God shows up. Sometimes God shows off."

Two months before I met Julie I was in the shower. Don't you love how God does not stand on pretense? He wants to come in it & does not matter what you might be doing. 

As clear as someone in the room speaking to me I heard. "Get your house in order." What? What does that mean? I thought about it for several days and then I kind of forgot about it.

Fast forward a few months & Julie & I are on our third date & it is the first time she was in my house. She was seated at the kitchen table and I went in the back for something & I felt that tug & reminder of what I heard in the shower that day. 

I sat down next to her & shared the story. Her eyes glazed over & she made me repeat it again. "Say that again. Just like you said it the first time."

I did. She shook her head. "I heard that same thing recently. In fact, I heard it multiple times. I asked God what it meant and He said, The man I have for you is coming and he is coming quickly." She had been alone for ten years waiting on her Boaz. 

I don't remember anymore of our conversation that day. What we both took away was that God made it clear that if our two paths merged to one-He would be on board. He would bless us. We still had to sort through things because we both had our share of scars. We are not robots. We did not rush right out & get married because God showed us something.  

There was an age difference that I was not comfortable with but you know it was more than that. I knew Julie to be the far better Christian than me. That is still true today. I was not sure I deserved her. I was not certain I was a good enough man for her. There is not a week that goes by that I don't say, "God, I do not deserve my wife but I am not returning the gift that You gave me." 

That is what Julie is to me. A gift from our Father.

Last night as I sat on the porch waiting for Julie to come home I felt a sadness & I drifted to questioning myself, which I am apt to do. I have always been my own worse critic. I found encouragement as I sorted through my thoughts when I came to a simple fact. 

God trusted me with his precious child that He loves dearly. He thought I was the right man for Julie. Me. He thought I was good enough for her. He did not think it. He is God and He knows it.

It encouraged me because if He thought I was good enough for Julie-why should I question that? Question Him?

I still wrestle at times like many of us that say in our mind we know God loves us but it does not always make the journey to our heart. Why is it I can see Julie as someone that God loves dearly & not so much myself? Just because I may view Julie as more deserving of God's love does not mean that is how it is. 

I was given a gift by my Father. Wow! I am closing in on a pretty big number. I will be sixty years old in another year. We have been married now for over two years & we have been together almost three years. Our first date. The seven hour coffee as it is referred to now is just around the corner. Next Monday, October 26.Hopefully, when people see us together they say, "Wow. If that is not God I don't know what it could be."

Gifts are suppose to be fun, right? So are relationships.

My gift, Julie. I love you Baby.
Happy 3 years (almost) 

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Bless the Broken Road

As I pray about the next steps in this writing journey and trusting God, I am at peace with however the road turns out. I have older works and if they get published eventually that is good and if not that is good as well. My main proof reader has read one of those & believes it is better than The River Hideaway. If other works get published I won't be able to say that. The River Hideaway, will always be my baby that I wrote long ago, reworked it several times and then finally was published by a small press.

Being a published writer was a long time dream that only occurred when I stopped placing my dream in front of God. It is hard to release what we want so badly or what we think defines us. We can want something so much that we convince ourselves that God is fueling the dream when it may well be our own desires. Those desires may not be anything bad but if I place them before God it will not be what I hope it to be even if it comes to fruition.

Right now for the first time in nine years I am writing something new. Their are parts that I think are funny if Julie's laughter is any indication. Some of it carries some sadness and though fictional there are elements of true feelings mixed in. There are times like right now when I have to break from it because it derives from too deep a place.

I don't know that I will ever have another fresh idea to write a novel, or I may have twenty more. I did not plan to write, The River Hideaway. It was just an idea that emerged while watching a movie. The other manuscripts I have came to me in similar fashion. I observed something and an idea floated out and once there never left.

I was writing something earlier in this story about the man's wife. This time it was personal and I was seeing Julie. She would love this part. She is on horseback. The man thinks back to their wedding day and the song that they slow-danced too. For us it was Storm, by Lifehouse. That is our song but my song to Julie will always be, Bless the Broken Road, by Rascal Flatts. 

There have been many broken roads in my life and most were because I made poor choices. I had to have what I thought I needed. I asked God for help in situations that deep down I knew He would say no. It was hard to believe through much of the heartache that he had something far better in mind for me than I could ever dream of. He had Julie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a47fEuB9vo

God bless the broken road that led me straight to you.

http://www.amazon.com/River-Hideaway-Billy-Beasley/dp/1610091361/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429223900&sr=1-1&keywords=the+river+hideaway

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-river-hideaway-billy-beasley/1119573858?ean=9781610091367

One Young Man at a Book Signing

This past Saturday, I had a book signing for my novel, The River Hideaway. It was a very good day. There were so many highlights in that first hectic two hours, that if I list them I will surely leave people out.

I signed many copies & in some cases below my name, I also signed them as, 'Coach.' Parents, and in one case a sister, bought my book for a Christmas present for men who I once coached in basketball, when they were boys, aged ten to twelve. One of my favorite players, Stephen Wolff, came in with his girl friend. He shared stories with my wife about what he recalls playing ball for me.

There was a lady that my family holds dear in our hearts, for all the love & care she gave to my mom in those last years consumed with dementia. Tiffany, you are an angel and you hold our families deepest thanks always.


My PR angels, Sharon & Wylene, for continually pushing this little story to everyone you can reach. Robbie, for showing up once again & taking pictures of the event as only you can.

My old friend, Gary Barbee, who came from Pinehurst. Thanks for providing the comedic relief. 

A teacher came that taught me typing in the ninth grade. The ninth grade was the first year I was bused to another school to achieve real integration. Several of my classmates of that time came by Saturday.

More times than not the books were purchased by people for Christmas presents. How do I value that? To be a part of Christmas in homes across the region.

I saw people I had not seen in nearly forty years. But there was one sale that day that resonates the deepest. A young man approached  the table & asked me very directly, "Why did you write this book?"

I shared with him my reasons...my inspirations.

He nodded and said, "I will buy one."

As I was preparing to sign it for him he offered, "I was in the parking lot & I heard two people talking about your book and I just felt like the Lord wanted me to come in here and see you."

He was looking at me eye to eye as he said this. I got goosebumps or as some of us refer to them, God-bumps. We talked a little while longer and I told him that the book has a spiritual theme in it & that it begins with an elderly man having a vision from God.

I thanked him for the encouragement he offered to a no name author, with a small press, struggling to get the word out for this story. I know God is with Julie and I, wherever this goes. But at times I also doubt, worry, & struggle with the things I can't control.

Maybe that is why God reminded me what he could do with one person.

The Foundation & Getting it Right

I am in my mid fifties and I have been married for a little over one year. Like many of us I had a string of failed relationships behind me. I had spent quite a bit of time alone in the past few years and I reached a place where I told God, "I don't want to be alone the rest of my life but if it is not something you are on board with I don't want any part of it because it will fail like all the others." I actually meant that when I said it. Because, let's be honest, don't we often charge down the path of our choosing and then ask God to bless it after the fact? I'm not saying he can't or won't, but it took me a long time to realize it is much wiser to bring him in earlier rather than later.

My wife, Julie, and I met at church where I jokingly say she barged across the front of the church and introduced herself and life was never the same. We had that wonderful initial mutual attraction where your emotions run wild and you miss that person the moment they depart. We even had a supernatural moment where we knew that God was on board if we chose to go forward. It was still our choice. We could have chosen to hang on to past hurts and future fears.

We prayed a lot together. We also shared unpleasant things about our past, about ourselves. That is hard isn't it? You are falling for this person and you don't want to give them pause. I often said to her. "Let's put all our chips on the table. Let's find out early if there is a deal breaker."

So that was our foundation. Honesty, not just about the good stuff we like to share, but the stuff we still have scars from. The things that we are still uncertain about.  By choosing to do this something almost as wonderful as falling in love with each other occurred.  By sharing those difficult things we found a safe place with each other and we helped heal each other of past hurts.

I am no one to counsel anyone. But even I know honesty is the only good way to build anything worthwhile. Push through that fear of hiding things, of ignoring that little voice in your spirit that keeps you from having peace.

I have written about a foundation, a beginning, so maybe many of you might think that this could not apply to you. I beg to differ, because I believe in a God of second chances. I believe you can choose to start over and not with someone else. You can choose to build the foundation fresh, even if it means first taking a sledgehammer to the previous foundation.

You have to be honest. You have to be able to handle truth. And the best advice I can give is when it feels like it is going astray, get down on your knees together and pray. God bless all of you.

 http://www.amazon.com/dp/1610091361

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorBillyBeasley

Billy Beasley resides in Carolina Beach, NC with his wife Julie, and one spoiled rotten black Chihuahua mix, Sydny. He has lived in this area of southeastern North Carolina his entire life and many years ago was among the very first students to be bused to another school to achieve real integration.

He shares two simple beliefs with his favorite character in this novel. Faith in God and a conviction that ‘hearts have no color’.

The River Hideaway is his first published work of fiction.

Sydny & Devotion

This morning I woke before Julie and enjoyed the quiet time before the day began calling. Coffee in hand, Sydny & I huddled near the gas logs, reading from the gospel of Matthew. Well, I was the one reading as Sydny is not quite that advanced yet. But give the old boy time. He has learned a lot of new tricks since he moved in here full time a little over a year ago.

Later as I was preparing for the morning workout I was listening to Joyce Meyer and she said, "We should not be thinking how much can I get away with & still make it to Heaven."

I lived that way for most of my life. Many of us have. And what is the reason for that? I can answer only for me. I trusted what I wanted with my life way more than I trusted God. To follow God completely would be zero fun right? It would mean giving up my dreams. 

Yesterday I had a meeting with our Senior Pastor Steve Mattis. It was a wonderful hour spent sharing the good news as it applies to our lives. The meeting was scheduled to discuss my upcoming novel The River Hideaway, which will be released April 20, and we did chat about it, however, we spent more time talking about letting go of the wheel and really turning it over to our Father.

I did just that about two years ago for really the first time in my life. Oh, I was Born Again when I was 19 in dramatic fashion but I was always hesitant to really let our loving Father decide the path best suited. I believed but I charged ahead in my own steam. Later when I felt that God had failed me and did not really love me I rejected anything he may have wanted for my life.

So two years ago and fresh from hearing his voice clearly again but not trusting myself to surrender, certain that I would fail again. Do you sense a pattern here? Me, me, me.

Yesterday I shared personal insights with Pastor Steve about this calling by God. I have had two great callings in my life. I had one dramatic encounter when I was 19 and the second when I was an angry man in my 50's a more gentle calling of the Holy Spirit.  

But even as I shared what has happened  in my life since I turned the wheel over in January of 2012 to recap it still seems surreal. It would be way more than a blog to attempt to explain it fully so I will hit the highlights.

Regardless of whether I was going my own way or walking the path with my Father as I am now I had two great desires of my heart.

I wanted that one exciting relationship with a woman that would love me, enjoy me, protect me, and could  handle the depths of my heart. A love that would not grow stale. Many times I ventured down ill fated roads in search of this woman. It reached a point where the ride was not worth the fall. I told God one day I did not want to be alone forever but if it was not a spiritual woman and a relationship that he not only approved of but would bless it then close all the doors. I would be better off alone.

The day I said that I just have this image of God surrounded by his angels and saints. He says, "Okay everyone, I have his attention. Let's go to work."

The second great desire of my heart was that I wanted to be a published writer. Not for glory or fame, but simply to be walking down the beach one day and see someone reading and enjoying a book that I wrote.

April 6, 2013 Julie Morgan and I were married on the strand at Carolina Beach. I lack words to describe all she is to me. She certainly does love me. We enjoy each other and laughter often spills out for no apparent reason. My friend Todd mentioned just this week about how he loves Julie and how he sees not only how much she loves me but how protective she is over me. She does indeed handle this big complex heart of mine. Last night I had a dream that I don't recall in detail but the sence of it was that I was going through a breakup and strangely the person in the dream was no one I had ever seen. I woke a little out of sorts and then I reached over and touched my wife and smiled. She will not only love me and be there for the good times. I have had that many times in my life. Julie means it when she says she is standing right there with me for the challenging times as well. She is a loving beautiful woman and she is a rock for God and for me.

September 5, 2013  I received the following email.


Now that we've had the opportunity to review your novel, The River Hideaway, and get a sense of your marketing perspectives, we would like to offer you a publishing agreement. 

One day short of five months and both desires of my heart granted.

visit me on Facebook at Billy Beasley-Author 

16 Months

On April 6 I was united in marriage before God with Julie on Carolina Beach. It was an incredible day. My son Micah served as best man and gave a best man toast that had nearly all the small gathering in tears. As for me it was beyond tears. I sobbed on my son's shoulder as I clung to him, refusing to let go. It seemed for one small moment in time our roles had reversed. I was not holding a small boy and comforting him but it was a man holding his father and drying his tears on his shirt.

Often I had railed at God for not granting me what I wanted and for being so slow. Today looking back over sixteen months I can't believe how much life has changed. My sister Kay said recently that she had prayed for the right woman to be in my life and that she felt she was not getting God's attention. My reply was, "No, Kay I finally gave God my attention." I let go of the wheel of my life. 

Sixteen months and yet it seems that it must have been longer because of the events that changed me and continually change me. December 30, 2011 at a small informal worship gathering I hear as clear as day. "I will make you young again."

Three days later I am at Passion 2012. There were 45,000 people present and most of them college students. It dawned on me one night as I looked at the joyful faces that I was not where they were and I did not know what was holding me back.   Despondent I walked alone to the hotel room and went to bed exhausted in every core of my being. The following morning as worship music played I poured my heart out to God.. I told him I did not even know what I was clinging too any longer but I was so tired, so weary of doing it my way, and that whatever was holding me back to break it from me. The tears began to flow and somewhere deep inside me the pain of this life began breaking away and I was truly in my Father's embrace.

It was later that spring that while taking a shower I hear that unmistakable voice. "Get your house in order." What? I don't understand. What does that mean? After new living room furniture, window treatments repaired, and a new truck I still did not know what those words meant. I forgot them for a time.

July 1, this pretty, warm, genuine woman introduces herself to me after church. I did not know she had noticed me before and the first place was while I was waiting to get gas at Costco. Somewhere during that time she felt God whispering to her to return to church at Myrtle Grove. She obeyed.

Each time we bumped into each other we would chat as if no one else was in the room. I mentioned coffee and she readily agreed but I held back. She was younger than me. I was not believing fully what God whispered to me. Eventually we met for coffee that led to a seven hour first date. We both had been alone a long time and yet we both wanted only the partner God approved of. I am not saying by any means that I believe God is playing match maker for everyone. I do believe He knows if the mate we choose is a good fit for us.

We were on our third date when I felt the nudge to share with her what I heard in the shower. We sat at my kitchen table and I told her. Her eyes glossed over strangely and it seem she left the room. She looked back at me and said, "Say it again. Exactly the way you just told me." I repeated what I heard that morning.

She looked befuddled. I ask her gently if that meant something to her. She nodded and said, "I heard the same thing a few weeks ago. I heard it multiple times. I asked God what it meant." He replied, "The man I have for you is coming and he is coming quickly."

What I want to be clear is that we took from that gave us great comfort in knowing that God would smile on our path if the two paths became one. Still, it was up to us to be honest with each other. We could have clung to past hurts and future fears and allowed this to crumble. God is not forcing anything on us. We have free will. Julie and I chose to hold nothing back even if it meant it would break the love that was already growing between us.We found that not only did our love grow but we helped each other heal old wounds. Some of the most precious moments in that time was the times we shared and cried with each other.

Passion 2012 changed me forever. Each time I hear someone mention Passion it warms me. Maybe it would have happened somewhere else in time but I do know this. God wanted me at Passion. I was invited after church the day before Passion began. I had to decide in a few short  hours if I was going to meet the group at church the following morning and travel to Atlanta. I went because I believed that God wanted me to go. He wanted me to get out of my comfort zone and do something radical. The theme of Passion 2012 was about being interrupted. I allowed  my life to be interrupted.

I believe it was on the trip home when I said, "If I would have known about this two weeks in advance I would have never attended. I would have talked myself out of it."

My friend Jim softly responded, "Billy, God really does know what he is doing."

Yes he does Jim. Indeed he does!

What Is Holding You Back Dad?

My son, Micah has an amazing recall of the events of his childhood. Truthfully, considering the mistakes I made I sometimes wish this were not true. Often he says, "Dad remember when..." and I would think no way this happened. He keeps providing details and eventually I would recall the event. Many times I would joke with him that if he continually held on to every thought, every event, that his head would run out of room and a mass explosion might occur.

It was early 2002 and I was mired in a deep black hole. Often I have referred to depression as the devil's own disease. Those of you who have suffered with it know the hell I speak of. This particular bout was brought on by emotional exhaustion. During a six month stretch the previous year I had watched a Father I battled with all of my life slowly die. I had surgery on each knee within four months. Between the surgeries according to the doctor I either had a strange bacterial infection in my sinuses or a chemical reaction. I lost fourteen pounds in two weeks. I was sicker than I have ever been in my life. I had a whirlwind relationship that began at the time of my father's death and came to a crashing finality on my son's birthday. The sight of my son with dark welts under his eyes on his fourteenth birthday because of my breakup with a woman he loved brought guilt to me that I could not forgive myself for.

I was hurting, lost, lonely, and could not find a moment of peace. Remember Lt. Dan in Forrest Gump in the storm cursing at God? I did that daily but I was far angrier than Lt. Dan. I begged God to take me from this world. Each morning I was angry to find I was still alive.

It was Saturday night and Micah and I attended a church service. The theme of the minister's message was  "What is it that you hold on to that is keeping you from fullness with the Father?" At one point my son turned and looked at me and with clarity and a weariness in his voice and said, "What's holding you back, Dad?" The boy that remembers everything has no memory of this event. He takes comfort in the fact that he knows I have had supernatural moments with God. I tell him that he has experienced this as well. I thought it a strange thing for him to say that night and as time went by I realized God was speaking through Micah but I was to angry and to set on what I thought I needed in my life to listen.


Fast forward a few years later at Passion 2012 where I asked God to break off whatever else I was holding on to that kept me from intimacy with him. Moments later I was weeping, exhausted, and broken. A few days after that I recall driving down the road and saying "Father, I have made a mess out of doing it my way. I am so tired. You take the wheel. I will go where you say." He knew I meant it. Life has not been the same. The things I thought I needed I don't. What he has granted me has exceeded my dreams.

Why is it we insist on doing it our way? The results at least in my case were not good. Still, we cling to old habits, our achievements, and what we think we need to be happy.Is it a certain relationship we think we need? Is it financial security? Pride? Religious behavior, a certain lifestyle? Do we really trust God to give us what we  need? That was a big stumbling block for me. I did not trust.

He is a jealous God and he will not accept the idols we place in front of him. But he is the consummate gentleman and it will always be our choice.



What's keeping you?