Finding Hope in the Darkness

https://www.pandorasboxjt.com/single-post/2018/09/09/Sunday-Inspiration-Finding-Hope-in-the-Darkness

A Tale of Two Pastors

My monthly column for Pandora's Box Gazette Magazine

https://www.pandorasboxjt.com/single-post/2018/03/11/Sunday-Inspiration-A-Tale-of-Two-Pastors

Sunday Inspiration-Stretched

This is my first column for Pandora's Box Magazine. Click the link below.


Sunday Inspiration-Stretched

Lesson About Images

Even after that moment when as I drove down the road & said, "God, I  have messed up everything I have touched. You take the wheel. I will go where you say go even if it is not what I desire." I continued to not give much thought to the Movies I watched. Now, I am not talking about Pornography but I would watch a movie that I hoped would have a good story & I overlooked certain scenes as part of the movie. Please before I go any further don't mistake this for any judgments or me parading as a choir boy. Those that know me know that is far from true.

Much of my movie collection has left the premises since Julie became my wife just over three years ago. My son, Micah & I teased her about how we could have no more fun movies. Yes,  I would rather watch movies & not hear cursing & I never wanted to watch stuff with abuse in it. And I hate gore. I know it is fake but can't we just shoot the bad guy & not show me his insides?

Julie would warn me that you are taking that stuff in whether you believe it or not. I dismissed her.I still thought well if it is a DVD I can just skip through the bad part but sometimes you are not quick enough.

I grew up during the times of Westerns be it the many movies made or the television shows. I absolutely love Westerns & I get excited now when the rare new one comes out. My favorite movie, not just favorite Western is Tombstone.  Val Kilmer in his greatest role ever. Kurt Russell playing Wyatt Earp. I have probably viewed it twenty times over the years.

So I saw the previews to The Hateful Eight and Kurt Russell stars in it & while I knew it was rated R I didn't do my research. I ignored what I did read because it was a Western! Did I mention I love Westerns?  One day with no thought I stopped at the Redbox around the corner & rented it.

Over one hour into it & enduring the multiple cursing.GD said so many times & yet that was tame for what was to come. There is a scene so horrific, brutal, disgusting, obscene, that it has taken some serious prayer to remove those images from this house-from our minds. I don't know if I froze with the remote or that I thought surely they would not show what I feared was coming.

The sad thing is I can't even say it was a good Western minus the horrible part. It was lame at best. Quentin Tarantino's attempts at humor fell woefully short.

I could have done more research. I could have read what this Christian wrote. http://christiananswers.net/spotlight/movies/2015/hatefuleight2015.html

One thing I did come away with is Quentin Tarantino is in dire need of prayer as are the people that participated in this movie. Something is horribly lacking in Quentin's life & I think I know what it is.

It must be difficult to be an actor in Hollywood & be a believer. Can you do non-Christian movies? Sure, & since I watch non-Christian movies I would be a hypocrite to say other wise. But I would never choose to be part of a movie like this.

Many people have told me that The River Hideaway would make a good moive. Sure that would be exciting but suppose they turned it into graphic scenes, brutality- that is not part of the book? I don't want that & I don't care about the money involved. I do not want to gain the entire or part of the world & lose my soul in the process.

Don't make the mistake I did. Don't rent The Hateful Eight.  Don't bring that garbage in your home. A  home that I am suppose to be the leader in. I fell woefully short.

Trust me you are not missing anything.  I guess some of you will say it is only a film. I understand. I would have said that too but not any more.

It won't happen again. Julie was right. I should have listened.

The Simple Things

Many years ago, I shared with someone that if God came down from the Heavens & preached a fifteen minute sermon that I felt reasonably sure He would encourage us to simplify our lives. The person I shared this with took it personally, though I did not mean it that way, & I surely included myself among those needing to remove the clutter from our lives. She wanted to know how she could do that with all that was on her plate. She had a good point. Still, I am pretty certain most of us could purge some of the weight from our lives. We could choose to live a more simple lifestyle. We could enjoy hobbies without being consumed by them. We could venture outside, walk a trail, and appreciate all the things God has granted us for free. I  have to confess that is a big deal for Julie and I right now as my leg is in a cast and walking from one end of our modest home to the other, aided by crutches is about the extent of my journey. A walk in the woods right now would probably reduce me to tears of gratefulness.

We all reminisce about special times and moments in our life. I would wager that these treasured memories are for the most part about simple times in our lives.

Recently, I sat on the porch during a driving rainstorm, reading a fictional novel. One of my simple areas of enjoyment. We have a new family that has moved in across the street and I got the biggest kick out of their kids. They were riding their bicycles in the cul-de-sac. It was raining so hard that it was probably four to six inches deep at one time. They were having a blast. Their parents stood on the top deck watching and allowing their kids this freedom.  The rain passed & the kids began shouting, "It's a double rainbow."

The kids took me back to some of the good places of my childhood. Playing stick-ball in the street with Rick Phipps for hours at a time. Retrieving soft drink bottles for that whopping two cent deposit. Taking them to the store and on a good day maybe receiving over two dollars from the store owner. Spending some of that money on baseball card packs and hoping that Willie Mays was in one of my treasured packs. The basketball court at the Phipps home, courtesy of his wonderful dad, Richard. Many grown ups today will tell you that they never played the wonderful game of basketball in another place that they enjoyed as much as those games we participated in as kids. Mr. Phipps has kept that court up, long after his sons, Rick & Al were adults living in other cities. Why would he choose to keep that court in working order when there are no games to be played? Because it has proven a long time treasured memory for him as well.

We had two channels on television during this time. No video games. No cell phones. Fast food was a rare treat. I still recall Mom allowing me to have three hamburgers at Hardee's occasionally. They were fifteen cents each. How tragic a life we kids lived, right? It was anything but that. We did not feel deprived. We had a baseball field near the Phipps and Strickland's homes that was built for semi pro baseball games on Sunday. Yet, another treat in a simpler time. You know who enjoyed that field the most? The adults only used it on Sunday afternoon for a few hours. The rest of the week it was ours. We played whatever sport was in season all day long and we had no kids that I can recall in our neighborhood struggling with weight issues. Regardless of our high calorie and sugar intake we burned it all off. The only thing that got in our way was the occasional yard work mandated by our parents. Okay, that is not a treasured memory.

I don't mean to sound like an old guy living in the past. Like most of you I have way too much technology in my life these day. Worries that can consume me when I allow them too.

And just as when we were kids aren't our treasured adult times built around simple things? Two and a half years ago, Julie and I chose for a honeymoon site a small one bedroom cabin with a beautiful mountain view, on the outskirts of Stone Mountain State Park. It was inexpensive and very simple. There were no fancy restaurants nearby and I doubt we would have chosen to go if there were. There was a charcoal grill and a hot tub right outside the front door. We spent the days exploring the Park. The only requirement was to keep putting one foot in front of the other as we walked to the top. Walking back down we took the leisurely longer trail that included waterfalls. My favorite aspect of the mountains.

On our last night I planned a fancy dinner. My surprise to her. I prepared our food to take with us, along with a bottle of wine. There was a waterfall in the Park that was just off the road, requiring little but a simple walk to reach. We sat by the waterfall and enjoyed dinner, and each other. I don't mean this disparagingly to anyone. We all have different things we enjoy, but for this simple boy you can keep your five star restaurants and their presentations. Who in the world can eat presentations? That evening by the waterfall was our kind of dinner and we won't forget it. It will always be a treasure.

So if we, and please note I say, we, including myself in this life that we allow to become so confusing with our wants & expectations. If our treasured memories are around simple things why do we chase things in life that are anything but? Why are we not building more memories of cherished less complex times? It is not too late.

Watching those kids yesterday also reminded me of when my son, Micah was little. Micah always loved movies & often our simple enjoyment was movie night. Pizza, popcorn, and a movie or two in the comforts of whatever home we were living in at the time. Even going to the small video store to pick up the movies is a treasured memory. There was a wonderful man, Ben, who worked there & he had a voice so low, so powerful, that it brings James Earl Jones to mind. If I ran into him outside of the store in a crowded area it seemed he only had to whisper across people, "Hey, big guy. How are you doing?" I would smile and say, "Ben."

One day as I was picking out our movie, Micah was playing the pin ball machine at the front of the store. I had given him money on the way in as he asked if he could play it. Sometimes, it took awhile to find a movie as we were frequent customers & we watched movies as fast or faster as the new ones that were suitable for viewing arrived. I finally found a movie, paid Ben, & we left the store. On the drive home I said, "Micah, you played a long time on the money I gave you for the pin ball machine."

His response was, "I ran out of money & Ben walked around from behind the counter & put more money in the machine." Ben never said a word as he performed this task. A simple gesture for a small child that spoke to his gentle nature. It was my small child & Ben probably thought nothing of it but I have never forgotten that. It is a cherished simple memory that is stored away in my heart.

I will wager that as Micah ages he will hold dear to movie nights & other simple times that we shared together just as Rick & I still talk about stick-ball games that lasted for hours decades ago. I sure hope he does.

Luke 12:34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.


Let's go build some simple treasures. Maybe I can find a way to do it even while hobbled by these dang crutches & a surgically repaired ankle. Have a great day.

 

Damascus Road

It was an early September night, and the young man was walking down the long dark road near his home. He was actually not high on this night, which was no small miracle. For reasons, he would never understand, but never forget, he walked with an eye toward the stars. He had no particular destination in mind. Perhaps, he might find the right place to get high.

He never fit in anywhere. Always feeling like the outcast, until he discovered the drug culture & free love of subsequent lost souls. He had entered the party life early. Drinking before he was fifteen. Soon afterwards, he discovered his God, in the form of marijuana. In time, every drug of that time he would abuse but strangely never have any addiction problems.

He came to the end of the road that he lived on and turned left. To this day he can show you exactly where he was when it all changed dramatically. The moment when life would never be the same, even in the years that followed, when he tried in vain to forget the reality of that night.

He would never forget the intricate details of that night. First came a whoosh. It was an incredible sensation that ran from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. Then the words. Words that were never thought about or formed in his mind. Strangely, one lone tear ran down his left cheek. He always thought that odd.

"Come & admit you're wrong. Come & sing My glorious song."

He never ceased walking the entire time. It is a few steps later, when he strains to look to the Heavens & ask a question that he already knows the answer to.

"God, is that You?" 

The realization sets in.

"Oh, my God. You are real. All my life I heard You were but You are actually real. Oh, my God."  

He was very naive. He began to tell people of the event, thinking they would know it was true, but eyes began to roll & few wanted to hear it. Surely, the good people at church will love to hear this. Sadly, that was for the most part another dead end. They did not believe in that night, or that his transformation was real. Maybe they thought he was beyond redemption.

He had assumed that what occurred that night was something that happened often.  So, he did not run up an aisle at Church. Does that make it less real?

The dramatic transformation was too much and the frustrations & subsequent horrible decisions he made eventually drove him to curse that night. "Why, did You not just leave me alone?" The biggest lie he began to believe was that that night was little to do with him. It was merely answered prayers for his mom. He knew God loved her enough to answer her prayers about her wayward son, but he did not believe in God's love for him.

It took many years for him to return to God. He still searches for answers concerning that night. Some answers he realizes now. A dear friend, who upon hearing the story for the first time nearly forty years later said about the treatment he received from the people of the church. "I think their behavior says more about them than it ever did about you."

Very recently it dawned on him about these words he heard that night. Sing My glorious song. He grew up in church, where it was more about what you should or should not do. It was not so much about worship. He realized that was what God was saying that night. Worship Me. God wanted him free to worship. Not bogged down in religion.

He thought of something recently about that time of transformation that had not had cross his mind in decades. He was on probation at the time of the Damascus Road. It was several months later when his probation officer called and demanded he be in the office the next day.

He thought it strange but he was not worried & he knew for the first time in years if it was about a drug test he would pass.

The young man entered the office the next day as ordered. The man got right to the point. He had the most spiritual dream. A vision. He wanted to discuss it with the criminal that sat in front of him. Someone that might not think that he was crazy.

Raw Honesty

 Mark 9:24 "I do believe; help my unbelief."

This is a portion of one of my favorite scriptures. The man is requesting of Jesus to help his son. Imagine that for a moment. You want your faith to be strong but in that moment he is real, vulnerable, desperate, & most importantly, he is brutally honest. In one moment, he says he believes & then quickly contradicts that statement.

One word comes to mind for me when I read this passage. Raw. The man displays raw honesty to Jesus. Did he get criticized for a lack of faith?  Is there anything in the scriptures to show Jesus was even mildly disappointed in him? No, and Jesus delivered his son.

I believe that being honest with God, even if we are weak, angry, disillusioned- take your pick is what he desires of us. Besides, can any of us fool God? Can we hide where he can't see?

Anger has been such a part of my life for so long that while I have made strides there are times when I go back to what I know.Last week, our lives were interrupted with a Sunday, 3:31 a.m. phone call telling us Sydny, our beloved little black, chihuahua mix, had passed away after what was deemed a successful surgery. My wife, Julie, and I cried, we prayed, we sought answers, we grieved.  We still are grieving.

I had prayed so diligently over that little guy. I even anointed his little head with oil. Many others joined us in prayers. I spent a significant amount of money trying to ensure he would be with us a few more years. Just that morning he was chasing the annoying neighbor's cat off the porch. It was so hard to accept how quickly he went. We blamed ourselves. What if I would have taken him to the vet the first sign of him throwing up? Julie, was doing a side job for a friend. She blamed herself for not coming home sooner. In the end I believe there were other things going on with him that were not so evident at the time. In short, there was nothing we could have done.

It was around Day 3 that I became angry. I was angry at God for not hearing me. My wife needed me to console her. I tried but the problem is for so many years when pain comes I crawl inside of my pain and in my anger I shut the world out. It pains me to say this is who I am. As long as life is moving forward with the normal ups and downs I am pretty good. I keep my faith, my hope, but when I hurt deeply I revert back to what I know. 

It is not as if the anger fixes anything but it seems to pull me through. Lashing out at God both in loud and silent ways. The silent way was to forget morning devotion. Forget praying because my faith was spent. 

It has been both a blessing and a curse that I met Jesus on a dark road one night. He showed up unannounced & spoke. The blessing in that is that regardless of how far I ran away from him at times, I knew him to be real. There was no escaping what transpired that September night, in 1976. The curse is my life with him that began with such a powerful, supernatural moment, is I know there to be no limit to his power. So, I want him to use it more frequently.

One thing I am certain about in all this is that God is not angry at me because I was mad with him. I believe he would rather hear our raw honesty above all else. Now, he certainly wants me to break this behavior pattern and I do as well. But so far I have not been able to live the Casting Crowns song, Praise You in the Storm. 

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away 

Pain will surely come again to me. You can't protect yourself from it. I know because I have tried. I have a dug a grave for three dogs in my life and each time I feel like a part of me went down that hole with them. This was the first one in almost twenty years. My choice would be to never do it again. I made that decision when I buried Pete, my black lab mix, on Christmas Eve night, in 1994.


My hope one day in this walk is that when pain & heartache come that the first thing I will do is to praise him in the midst of it. I will press into him. I surely have a long way to go as evident by the last week.

Many of you have referenced the Rainbow Bridge, of our beloved pets crossing over. I sure hope that is the case. I can't be certain but I want to believe that Pete & Sydny are playing together, and I will see them again, this time forever.

My Life (with a portion of Jesus on the side)

 
Recently, I heard a minister say that we want to live our lives with a portion of Jesus on the side. Wow!

We choose, decide, live our life our way. We say our prayers at night, attend church when it fits in our schedule, make choices we know are wrong, while asking God to bless them, read the Bible on occasion & if we stumble across scriptures that don't coincide with our lifestyle we conveniently look for something a little more uplifting, or we try to change Jesus to a more modern version for our comfort. Cherry picking the scriptures is the term my wife often uses.


If I were to ask you what is the most important word in the scripture Matthew 6:33.  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. What would be your answer?

The key word for me is first. I did not want to do that for most of my life & I surely fail to do it each day now.What I have learned & know to be true is God has no interest in being second place or less. It does not mean He does not love us, listen to us, but this behavior is as old as the most ancient scriptures. Idols in our life do not work. And I believe anything we place in front of Him is an idol. It does not have to be something evil. It could be a good thing that you care more about than God. Take your pick.

I am certainly no teacher of the scriptures. But you know what I believe is at the root of our living our life, asking God to bless us & grant us good things, while chasing what we desire? Cause deep down we don't think our Father desires good things for us. I was that way. But, God, I want this woman, this dream, this job, & you probably don't want me to have it. And you know that is probably right. He probably does not want us to have all our dreams and desires. Maybe, just maybe, He wants to give you different but better.

Last week I was interviewed on Dove Radio by Dale Miller. I shared that the two great desires of my heart were the right woman & a publishing contract. Last year both were granted within five months of each other but only after I let go of the wheel  the previous year & said, "Whatever the path You want me to walk I will do it." Dale followed this up with such powerful words. He said how we think if we do it God's way it will mean less when in all actuality it means more.

During a very depressed time in my life a doctor shared these scriptures. Matthew 7:9-11. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? 10“Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? 11“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to 
those who ask Him! 

I  heard the words but I did not allow them to take root in my heart. There is still that part in most of us that struggle to believe our Father wants to lavish upon us. In all truthfulness, I am struggling right now with that. So many closed doors recently, while I try to find the patience to wait on God to open the right door.

Easy all the time this life is not. But regardless of our circumstances I am going to seek first the kingdom of God, & His righteousness, & when I fail, I will go back to this & start over.


"The Christian life is so difficult because we seek God's blessings while we live in our own will! We would be glad to live the Christian life according to our own liking."

Absolute Surrender  by Andrew Murrey.

  Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever

They Gonna Hate Anyway

Recently, a friend told me how this person in their life talks down to them in the company of others, & behind their back. A third person noticed this behavior & asked my friend why this person would do that. My friend did not bash the offender. They handled the situation with grace & forgiveness.

I was lifting weights this morning and listening to Mary J. Blige. (yes i do on occasion) The song "Work That" was playing & the lyrics in bold below brought the conversation back to light. Don't we all have or have had people in our life that live these lyrics? It is really sad because most the time they lack the honesty to recognize their behavior.


Let em get mad
They gonna hate anyway
Don't you get that?
Doesn't matter if you're going on with their plan
They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves 

People often quote John 8:32  And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Obviously, Jesus is the truth. But a truth I believe we must reach is the ability to be honest with ourselves. Only then can we truly experience what God has for us. He surely will not force us. He sends whispers, people, maybe even bolts of lightning, but still it is our decision to look inside. We have to be willing, (gasp) to be wrong.

I have more faults than I have time in this life to write about. But I have something special inside of me I would not trade for silver or gold. I can look inside. I can be wrong. I can apologize when I am. Maybe I learned that in reverse from my dad.  

This morning, Julie & I, were praying before she went to work as we try to do everyday. I prayed about many things but I thanked God for our marriage. For the gift we have in each other. I thanked him specifically that we both apologize easily and grant forgiveness freely. I don't know in a marriage what could be more important.

Think about the lyrics to the song. Sometimes you just have to back away if possible. Maybe it is a work situation & you can't. Just try to recognize that it is more about them than it is anything to do with you.

I can get bogged down with people like this. But in time I make it back to being grateful for the people I have in my life who share any triumph I have as if it were their very own.

They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves 

There is hope though for these people. They can be happy with themselves & others. Because the truth will indeed set us free. Make us new people. A new creation. I am getting close to 60 years of age. I have run the streets till dawn. Many high flying experiences. Done things that if I wrote the truth it would be considered fiction.

And the truth is I am happier right now than ever. More at peace than ever. It is not even close. Julie receives a lot of the credit from others & from me. And rightfully so. But it goes far deeper than her. If I would have not reached that moment where I looked inside truthfully and said, "God, I am tired. Tired of doing it my way. Chasing my dreams. I will walk the path you lay out." If not for that she would have never entered a relationship with me. She is a woman of God and he comes first. And I would have it no other way.

So when people can't be happy for you, or they need to prop themselves up by standing on the backs of others. Just realize it is not about you. It is about them.  And you can't fix it.

If Churches Meant the Songs They Sing

This past weekend we attended Beach Blast in Myrtle Beach. Our main reason for going was the four of us love the musical group, Jesus Culture. They did not disappoint. They don't just perform. They worship and with that worship they pull down the Holy Spirit.

One song in particular, Holy Spirit You are Welcome Here,  really made me think. Check these lyrics out.

 Holy Spirit you are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence Lord

What if churches not only sang this song but literally meant it?


But I am pretty certain we must really mean we welcome the Holy Spirit, and not on our terms but God's. We might have to let go of ritual, tradition, and our comfort levels. What a concept if churches were led by the Holy Spirit and not just on occasion. Not your minister, elders, the ones that give the most money, the ones that complain the most, but a church really plugged in and willing to not only invite the Holy Spirit but to give free reign. Is it possible? I believe so but some hard truths would have to be dealt with. I can think of a few.

Church staff would have to trust God and not their salary provided by the church. That is tough. They have families to feed as well, right? What about music? The very way many of us express worship the most. Sadly, it is as big a divider in church as anything I can think of. The music is too loud. The music is too tame. I don't like hymns. I only want hymns. We have traditional and contemporary services because of music. In essence we create two churches within in one church. Is that really what Jesus wants for His church?

I love my church but I struggle with it. We talked about implementing changes years ago. I never forget one  person saying, "There are two types of churches, relevant and irrelevant. We have to decide what we want to be." Years later we still have not decided. Sadly, that is a decision in itself.

Many years ago I was told this joke.

It is Sunday morning and a man who had to much to drink the night before is sitting on the sidewalk. A nice car comes to a stop beside him and the man driving asks, "Sir, could you direct us to the Church of God?"

The man scratches his chin, deep in thought. "The Methodist Church is two blocks east, but the Jones' family owns that. The Baptist Church is one block west but the Smith family runs that. Mister, come to think of it I don't really know of a church God owns around here."

A long time ago the most spiritual man I ever knew, Horace Hilton, left a large church, to come Shepherd a church with fifty members. It was a traditional Presbyterian Church. He came with a message of the baptism in the Holy Spirit. Pretty radical message for that time. I asked him once, "How many members left?"

He responded. "About half stayed and half left." The church grew dramatically because he was following the Holy Spirit. He did not get  hung up over people who got angry and left, and yes took their tithes with them. He trusted the vision that he was shown. Soon, that little church was the most relevant church in the area.  

Think about it.


 Holy Spirit you are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence Lord

One Last Time

 

It has been a long but productive week. The file has been sent in its entirety one and hopefully last time. I worked till 2 this morning, (I am a morning person these days but not that early). It was a great feeling to turn the page & see it blank. As in no more corrections or places to trim the story a bit as suggested by the Publisher, which helps trim the price a bit. Julie & I prayed over it one more time before I hit the send button. I hope this does not come off as egotistical. I have no illusions of being a tenth the writer of someone like Pat Conroy. (my personal favorite) But I do love the story of The River Hideaway. There are parts all these years later that I get emotional about while reading. Have to tune that out when you are editing though. 

I was asked before the Publisher offered a contract. Who will read this book? Good question. I think people who are interested in that era of civil issues, though I want this clear from the beginning this is not an historical fiction piece. People interested in racial division, which sadly still exists. People that don't mind a spiritual element in a story as long as they are not being preached at. (I am the last person qualified to preach to anyone.) People that love a good drama, with mystery and love in it, but neither being the dominant theme of the story. 

One more week and hopefully it will be available for order next Sunday on mom's birthday. I wish you could be here to witness it. But I have to believe that God is allowing  you to peak over the balcony. I miss you but I will see you again. And that is my promise.

Overcoming our Childhood (Part 2)

The previous blog I wrote, as I commented later was not at all what I sat down to write.

What I took from that blog and I think there will be more to write about in a different format than this was the comments on Facebook about how people were so glad I was not on that boat. It really made me think.

Maybe I could have recovered from being on that boat eventually but it is certain that I would not have the life I am blessed to have now. Sometimes we (I) get caught in this thinking that I am just one person and not all that special. Sadly there is the other side of people that do so much damage because they become arrogant in their walk with the Lord. So as one person we can do good or harm, and we will do both in our lives. We can choose to be humble with the good and take ownership of the harm. I think that best.

Your comments made me think of that wonderful Christmas Movie, "It's a Wonderful Life."

One person removed due to bad choices or one person willing to go where he or she is led.


I thought what if I would have been on that boat. What good and bad would not have happened not only for me but for others.

1. I would not have Micah Beasley as my son.
2. I would not have my later in life gift of my wife Julie who exceeds this dreamer's dreams.
3. It might well have destroyed my mom long before dementia cruelly grasped her.
4. I would not have worked 32 years as a Park Supervisor and have a pension today that enables me to pursue my dream of writing full time.
5. I would not have so many of the wonderful friendships and relationships that I treasure today.
6. I would not have had the privilege of kids calling me "Coach"  for 20 years.  And even as adults, some in their forties now, and I am still "Coach" to them. Some have wrote me of  how they have taking lessons taught on a basketball court and applied them to real life. What greater compliment could I ever be paid? It humbles me beyond belief.
7. There is a good chance I would not even be here.

These are but a few examples if I would have been on that boat. I could write one hundred good and bad and not touch the subject.

I wrote an earlier blog about "That One Person." Ed Wilson, my former coach, my mentor, took a chance on me when no one else would. I don't think it a stretch to say, God used this man to save me from that boat and all that would have followed. I wrote in an earlier blog about him...



http://billybeasley.blogspot.com/2013/03/that-one-person.html

Jesus Christ saved me but Ed Wilson rescued me. 

One person, and to a God who can grant us more than we can think, dream, or imagine my suggestion is don't place limits on yourself and especially don't place limits on Him.

"It's a Wonderful Life," Isn't the best part of that movie when his brother Harry rushes in and toasts his big brother George, "the richest man in town."

The River Hideaway

On a day when my best friend, Jack and I were at home watching the movie 'A Time to Kill' an idea came to me. I asked, "Jack, what if this rich white guy and black guy meet and become friends back in the 60's when racial tension was so high?"

He looked at me strangely and said, "Where do you get this stuff?"

I took that as he thought I was crazy and at that time there was probably substantial evidence to support that theory. But later when I voiced this he immediately said, "No, I think it is great. I really  meant where do you get this stuff?"

That was 1998 and before I had a computer I began to write a fictional story starting from two young men meeting on a basketball court. My son, Micah reminded me yesterday of all the times we went back to the Park when the office was closed so I could write. I also remember a stretch where the ideas were flowing and sometimes I would wake at four and go to work early and write until my shift began at seven.

The second publisher that I submitted this story too gave me great hope. I received a very personal letter from Anne, the lady that read it. She loved it, however she was unable to convince the board to choose it as the one piece of fiction they published yearly. Still, with her glowing recommendation and five contacts she furnished I thought it was only a matter of time. Despite her recommendation three responded, no new fiction and no new authors. One publisher had decided to publish only children books. The other called and told me how interested he was and that he knew all about it from Anne, who personally had sought him out at a conference. But his company kept me on the hook for two years and despite how much they liked it in the end they decided to pass.

It seemed to play out that way often. I equated it to trying out for the varsity basketball team and making cut after cut but not making that final cut. That is not to say I did not have outright rejections I certainly did. The past few years I rarely tried as the process and life in general was wearing me out.

Some of you reading this may have ventured down the road of trying to get published. The realization sinking in quickly that it is very difficult to even get a publisher to agree to read your entire manuscript. Each company that I dealt with for the most part wanted only the one page query where you try to describe a manuscript that might be five hundred pages long. All in one nice tight page.

Right away you find out you have to rule out publishers of size because you have to have an agent. That is probably more difficult than getting published.

One small publisher in New York wrote something I never forgot. They received 7,000 manuscripts yearly from which they published seven books. Throw in being an unpublished writer and maybe less than half of the seven derived from that category. You do the math.

I can't recall in the past five years if I even tried more than two or three times. I was in a bad place for a long time where I thought I was good enough but that this God that was suppose to love me so much would never allow the desires of my heart to happen.

Many times I have shared the two great desires of my heart that were just for me. One was the right woman and Julie entered my life for good almost one year ago to the day. Today I am minutes away from signing a contract for 'The River Hideaway' and mailing it to a publisher in California.

I wasted so much of my life doing it my way because I thought my plan was better than God's. If you learn anything from my blogs I hope you learn to not be the fool I was. I turned the wheel over and God has so richly blessed me. I have a wife that loves me in ways I can't even comprehend.

Pastor Steve shared something this past Sunday that nailed my life before I turned the wheel over to God. He referenced a book and the following quote.

"The Christian life is so difficult because we seek God's blessings while we live in our own will! We would be glad to live the Christian life according to our own liking."

Absolute Surrender  by Andrew Murrey.

That was me. I was always asking the blessings of Jesus while I lived my way. Walking the path that I desired. Steve said it just doesn't work that way. I concur.

So now I have a writing break. I don't know what will come from it. The biggest dream is that it does well enough that I can get the other manuscripts already written published. But if this is it and this one little book sells 1,000 copies and that is all that ever comes from it I will say, "Thank You, God for your favor."

The publishing agreement came several weeks ago but the contract arrival took until this week. It gave me every opportunity to doubt and I did. I was extremely frustrated yesterday afternoon but even in my frustration as I was inclined to venture down that old path of anger toward God, I refrained. He has been far too generous to me.

I kept the news of this publishing agreement confined because I did not trust that it would not blow up again. I had been disappointed so many times. But it is okay because I have learned to trust God's timing better than mine.

Obviously, I shared the news with Julie who called me as I was reading the initial publishing offer and I was unable to speak. I called my son and he had to read the email to really hear clearly because I could not stop crying. That is my God. He reduces me to tears.

I don't want to leave anyone out and people close to me were all thrilled and your support means so much to me. Still, how can I not mention my adopted sister Katie's reaction? I placed the letter on a shelf under her water bottle one morning as she lifted weights with Julie and I. I told her she needed to drink some water. She did not understand but she picked the bottle up and read the letter. She got as far as the first paragraph before sprinting across the garage and leaping into my arms with tears already flowing. How blessed am I to have the people I have in my life. I am beyond humbled.

My sister Kay shared something when I called her and shared the news. First she was very happy and very proud of her little brother. Next she said, "Who knows Billy? Maybe Mom nudged Jesus and said, Lord, you know how long he has wanted this. Do this for my boy."

I like that. Thanks Mom. I love you and I think Kay was right.

Potter's Wheel

This is one of my first blogs & what occurred that day was instrumental in leading me to that point where I finally let go of the wheel of this life. Not that I don't still try to do the driving at times. But I realize that my life seeking the path God wants me to have is better than what I may think I need. 

Isiah 29:16 You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!

Would it seem peculiar if I point to a certain Sunday morning service as being instrumental in my seeking the path the Father had already laid out? Probably not, but what if I told you I can't recall one word spoken or one worship song sung that day? What if all I can recall is linked to the image below?

The event occurred soon after I returned to church, after a lengthy absence. I had spent many years being angry with God for my lot in this difficult life. I didn't care what path he desired for me. At times I tried to modernize God. Bring him up to our times. But always placing what I desired first.

A lady spoke while a man with a physical deformity in his hand silently molded an object with the potter's wheel. I don't recall any particular thoughts or any great epiphany as I watched. That would come later.

As I was leaving the service I heard a Father gently reaching out to his prodigal son to return home. "You have tried to mold me into what you wanted me to be. It does not work that way. I am the potter. You are the clay and it is not the other way around."

Imagine the possibilities if we viewed ourselves as the clay to be molded each day by a loving Father. Picture a simple flower pot being created.  It will not be a beautiful work of art each day because we are flawed and imperfect.There will be blemishes but the good news is that they can be repaired and made flawless.

I had no idea as I reflect back on that time that God would bless me so richly. I only knew that I had failed miserably in trying to do it my way. What did I have to lose?