Hurricane Florence

 https://www.pandorasboxjt.com/single-post/2018/09/22/Hurricane-Florence-September-20-2018

Point A to Point B

 January Column for Pandora's Box Gazette

https://www.pandorasboxjt.com/single-post/2018/01/14/Sunday-Inspiration-Point-A-to-Point-B

A Few Thoughts at Christmas 2017

I feel very blessed to be happy & eager about Christmas. One present that is constant is my wonderful wife, Julie. She will be off work from December 22 thru New Year's Day.We have a special Christmas & Holiday Season in general planned but nothing will top simply enjoying time together.


I also look forward to unplugging from social media for a few days. The first of the year will be busy enough with the release of The Preacher's Letter on January 9.


This is a different type of blog than I usually write. It is just some thoughts to share. Please don't take them as being written to you but rather this is about us. Anything I write it is a safe bet to say that I struggle with the same, or I have at one time, or I will in the future.

1. Hate- Let's do away with this word regardless of how strongly our opinions can be.
 

2.  Church Leadership- It is easy to criticize those in leadership roles in our churches. Let's pray for our leaders far more than we find fault with them.

"Criticizing others is not a calling. What are you doing to help and serve others?"

Louie Giglio

3.Social Media- We don't have to engage in endless arguments that solve nothing. I am no different in that I read something that makes me irate & I can't tell you how many times I have typed the comment & before hitting the send button the common sense portion of my brain kicks in & I have to ask what if anything am I going to accomplish.

4. Before-  If you insist on ignoring #3 at least read & listen thoroughly before responding & verify your so called facts before issuing them. Don't use them as facts simply because they line up with your point of view.

5. Introspection- Be able to look inside & search yourself before going on the attack. I find it always helpful in any source of conflict to ask God how I might proceed. And always give yourself plenty of room to be wrong.

6. Name Calling- Don't resort to name calling just because someone does not see things the way you do.

7. Division-  We live in a very divided country. It is not the sole fault of one political party. It is the fault of both. But we don't have to allow it to divide us as a neighborhood, work place, church..etc One of my favorite quotes. We can disagree without being disagreeable.

8.Fairness-  If we could care more about being fair than being right we can really put a dent in #7. No one wins an argument.

9. One- Never underestimate what we as one person can do.

10. Kindness- It doesn't have to be something big. You never know what a kind word or smile can mean to someone who is suffering. I have suffered mightily in my life at times with depression. Trust me when I tell you how much it means when someone is kind to you. It is a light in the darkest of places. Encourage others. It is the greatest of the spiritual gifts.

11. Dismissive- Don't be dismissive of others just because it is not part of your world.

12. Understanding- Try to understand someone's viewpoint even if you disagree. Your opinion is just that. Don't mistake it for truth. Warning- This could lead to real conversation.

13. Grow- Regardless of our age- never cease trying to grow.

14. Simple- The simple things in life are truly the most valuable. A dog that insists on touching you while she sleeps. A sunset over the nearby river. The quietness of the beach that you find this time of year. Sometimes while walking Teke in the woods at the nearby State Park I will stop & just listen to the stillness. Holding hands in church or anywhere else with your spouse.

15. Peace- If you have this there is not anything I can think of that is worth giving it up for. Let the conflict go. Life is fast paced enough. Hold on to any stillness that you may be blessed enough to enjoy.

Hebrews 12:24 Pursue peace with everyone...

16. Competition- Run your own race. Don't waste time measuring yourself against others. 

17. God hurt me. No, He did not. It was probably some religious person or even a wayward church that caused the pain. Don't judge God by them. 

18.  One thing-  If there was one thing I would want people to understand about Jesus Christ. It is about relationship not religion. Your head knowledge of religion will always miss the mark. How is your heart? 

Luke 12:34

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Jeremiah 29:13

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

The last scripture. It does not say you will find me by perfect church attendance. By living a certain way. By following a set of rituals.  

 

May God's peace that passes all understanding flow down on you without measure.

Merry Christmas 

Billy, Julie, & Teke

 

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Sunday Inspiration-Stretched

This is my first column for Pandora's Box Magazine. Click the link below.


Sunday Inspiration-Stretched

What Color Christian Are You?

As a little boy, growing up in the South in a Southern Baptist Church. I recall one Sunday morning sitting in church, our city gripped in racial turmoil. I can't recall any message that day though I would venture a guess that restraint & prayer was part of the message. What was not a part of the message was let's open our doors to anyone regardless of the color of their skin. Let's go meet with other churches of the area that are just as segregated as we are & talk.

I remember sitting in that long uncomfortable pew thinking isn't this where we should seek peace? I knew in my heart we were talking about the same God & even as a child it resonated with me that church should be a place of peace & not division. Specifically I remember thinking, "Isn't this where we should all come together?"

I told no one of course. I was after all a small child & I grew up in the South as a white boy & I was guilty of many of the same stereotypes that if not taught directly certainly were not discouraged.

It still disturbs me that in my childhood the church taught racism-again if not directly-they certainly did nothing to discourage it. I recall my mother telling about a traveling choir coming for a visit with one person of color & people left-even some of the deacons of the church. People that perceived themselves as very religious. They had followed all the steps to salvation. They held positions in the church yet held this notion of separation in their hearts. I even heard it said many times, "Well, of course Jesus loves them but we are to stick to our own kind." I guess they taught us to sing Jesus loves the little children but we were not suppose to live it.

Why was this in me as a little boy to make such an observation? Coming together in church? God knew one day that He would reach out & touch me in dramatic fashion. I emerged from my Damascus Road in my nineteenth year & without explanation I knew & accepted in my heart that God sees no color. He does not view me as his white, Christian child. He views me as  his child. Period. That is who I am. I am a child of God. Scripture, if you believe in that & I surely do, substantiates that.

Fast forward to today & like many I am troubled by the events in Charlottesville this weekend. Hate has no part of Christianity. How can anyone in their right mind say I love my God while hating another person? 

What disturbs me greatly & not just this weekend but for quite some time now are these statements by Christians saying the White Evangelicals or the Black Evangelicals, White Christian Church, Black Christian Church needs to do this or that. People I love have said this. It breaks my heart. Should we not follow God in the way He does things? Do you think our Father in Heaven looks down upon this mess & says, "My White Evangelical Church, My Black Evangelical Church. My White, Black, Church." There is no way that can be true. Not the God I know intimately. We are His children. End of sentence. No other descriptions & for the love of our God no labels.

I love to tell the story about a visiting minister we had at Lifepoint a few years back. He is pastor of a church in Baltimore. God told him to integrate his church. He followed that direction & he was met with quite a bit of resistance. Some members departed. Some in his family left. He proudly stood before us & stated that their church is now 20% integrated. You with me? Here is the part that I love to tell when people are listening. He was pastor of an African-American Church.

Great story but I wish we were beyond stories like that.  Are we still a church of a certain color as we were in my youth? Why have we all not moved beyond that time?

I don't have all the answers but I know division & labeling is not a cure for anything. I do know who has the answers & we should be seeking Him for guidance. Forget any wrong teachings we were raised in. I have. 

My most proud line in The River Hideaway, "Hearts Have No Color." I believe it & I will live it till the day I die. 

If you feel the need to label me as a White, Evangelical Christian, feel free but that is not how God sees me & it is certainly not how I view myself. I am a child of God.

Be part of the solution-not part of the division. 

Let's remember who the Church belongs too. It belongs to Jesus Christ. 

FREEDOM CONFERENCE (Past, Present, Petty)

Many years ago, my director was new in her job & it was also her first stint as a manager. She would go away to seminars & return like the next Tony Robbins. Upon her return an immediate staff meeting was called & she would be gushing about all she learned & what changes we were making. None of the changes that I recall made it to the end of the work week & truthfully by Friday she was on to the next thing. Maybe booking her next conference. It reached a point where one day I pleaded with her. "Please don't go away to any more of those motivational conferences & return to make all these changes that won't last two days." Believe it or not she laughed.

One of her first moves as a young director was to take a veteran staff & put them through one of those team building classes. Full confession. I hate those things. I am pretty certain she was the only one excited about it. It sure didn't improve morale as we had more issues in a dysfunctional work environment than a Ropes course was going to repair.

Don't we as Christians do this as well? We go to the next big teaching & everything is going to change for us. Sometimes months later I can't even remember the name of the conference/teaching I attended.

This spring I attended a 13 week work shop at our church, Lifepoint. It was the Freedom Conference offered through the Church of the Highlands. I heard terms like what a game changer it would be. Full disclosure I hear that term & I immediately think about all the times I have heard that before in church & it turned out not to be true. It is like when someone views a new movie & goes on & on about how great it is. By the time you see it you might walk away thinking it was really good but it had been built up so big that in essence the movie is a let down.

I won't say that about Freedom Conference. The first twelve weeks were good, not earth shattering but the final day was the culmination of it all & that day did not fall short. In fact, it met the conference build up for me. No small task.

I attended the last day with the attitude of I have come this far. I might as well take the final step even if it means all day on a Saturday when the beach weather was great for the first time in days. But my attitude as I arrived that morning was if this is suppose to be a big purge of my soul with a bunch of strangers they can forget me participating. Hold that thought.

Someone like my group leader Randy could explain just what Freedom entails far better than I. It has been hard to put into words when I have been asked. My attempt to explain here is probably lacking terribly but I will give it a try.

Empty your spirit of any past things that may still be hindering you. At the end ask for a filling of the Holy Spirit to replace what God has removed completely. Walk away that day ready to make the Word of God more prevalent in your life as you encounter situations.

As I went through the steps that day my attitude shifted. My heart was open. There were things in my past that while not  bragged about they were spoken about with my wife, Julie. She has lived a good Christian life for all of her life. I have done anything but that. My past far more checkered. I probably did more bad in one day than all her days combined. That is not meant to be an overstatement. It has not been a real problem for us but it has been joked about, especially in regards to my sexual history.

By the time we reached that step. Remember this is the guy that went there to reveal little. I approached one of the prayer leaders & with tears streaming down my face I said, "I really want all this gone. I want to feel as if I belong to Julie & her alone in this lifetime. I want my past gone."

We had been encouraged to write down names of our past before the prayer. Where as I once would have wrote down those names in a bragging way. This was anything but. (Disclaimer- no one looks at what you write. It is between God & you what you reveal & what you don't.) After the prayer we were to tear them into little pieces & leave that part of our past scattered on the floor. I went one step more. I walked to the Cross in the room & tore it up at the foot of it.

I came home exhausted. Collapsing in my bed. I found out the next day I was not alone in that act. I told Julie there were to be no more jokes about my past in that regard. It was in the past & we were going to live in the present. I belonged with her, to her, & to her alone.

As I moved forward I wrote three things on the chalkboard we have mounted on the wall by the front door. Past, Present, Petty.

We were allowing ourselves to get way too bogged down in the pettiness of this life. It is easy to do & I am pretty sure we all do it. The word petty means- of little importance; trivial.

If we believe in our God to be so colossal isn't much of what troubles us-petty? I am not discounting real struggles by any means. At this moment when I pray there are four people I know in a battle with cancer. But what about the other stuff? Unexpected car repairs. How about driving? How about that driver that in a traffic jam can't clear the intersection drives forward anyway because the light is green? They sit in the middle of the intersection unable to move & the light changes to red & then the other people can't drive because the intersection is blocked. That probably should be a capital offense. But regardless of how strongly I feel about it, isn't it a minor thing in our day? Even a petty thing to get upset about?

So I came out of Freedom, shared all this with Julie, & we have just been so above being petty now for weeks. Yeah, right. I knew as soon as I made that declaration we were going to be tested & boy have we been. Right away there was a situation with Julie where we felt like one set of rules had been applied to her & a different set for a newcomer. I can take being slighted, well I try anyway but don't slight my wife. The gloves come off then. But we recognized it as a test & we pointed out all the valid reasons why her situation was handled differently.

As I look back we have allowed many petty items to return. I don't like it. I want to always remember that one word, petty, that I came out of Freedom with.

I have been traditionally published once for my novel, The River Hideaway.   There were countless rejections along the way. I have other stories written & I remember long ago an author I read saying that they were disillusioned by the thinking that once they were published one time it would get easier.I guess there was a reason that has stuck with me all these years.

A few weeks ago a writing friend told me of a publisher in North Carolina that might be a good fit. I followed directions. I shared of the successful book signings at Barnes & Noble & how I had an open door to return to their stores. I shared of the magazine article that was published nationally last year. I tried not to but I got my hopes up. They asked for the first twenty pages. The rejection letter came this week & I was not in the area they are interested in. This one hit harder. Maybe I am losing hope. Maybe I am beginning to think no matter how much my heart's desire is to be a writer it may not be God's plan for me. Is the writing a big deal to all of us that write? Yes it is. But my reaction of going into a funk was petty. Julie knew when she came  home what was wrong even though I share little of my writing world with her. I don't want to disappoint her so if I ever land another book deal she will be the first to know but only after it is a done deal. Contracts signed.

Today at Lifepoint as I was listening to Pastor Jeff the story of Mary & Martha came to me.

⁴⁰ But Martha was very busy and distracted with all of her serving responsibilities; and she approached Him and said, “Lord, is it of no concern to You that my sister has left me to do the serving alone? Tell her to help me and do her part.” ⁴¹ But the Lord replied to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered and anxious about so many things; ⁴² but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part [that which is to her advantage], which will not be taken away from her.”

Couldn't Jesus just as easily be saying, "Billy, Billy, you are worried & anxious about many things? Or insert your name into the scripture. Maybe we should do that more. Insert our name into the passage. 

A wonderful friend in our small group, Dennis has shared his story about coming to Jesus. The preacher was quoting, "Lazareth come forth," as he sat in church. That is not what he heard. He heard clearly, "Dennis, come forth."

This morning I was reading Mark Batterson's book, Play the Man. There was one line that jumped out at me & reminded me of how petty I can be. 

One of the dragon's most insidious lies is that God is holding out on you.

That will probably leave a mark. I could easily say, "Well great for you to write that. You have the writing break you desired." Truthfully, I have thought that about others but never in jealousy. What someone else has is of little concern of mine & it will add nothing to my statue by resenting their success. It cost me nothing to be happy for them & I am particularly glad that Mark received  his break because I have read almost every book he has written. He is my favorite Christian writer.

Believe it or not my one deal being traditionally published & all the money I made :( (maybe $1500.00) brought out jealousy in other writers that never have been able to be traditionally published. Some would hint to Julie & to me. "Now did Billy pay the publisher anything?" It reached a point where I thought about producing my contract which stated I would never be asked for $$$$. But then my pettiness might match theirs. Let people think what they want. There is a short list of people I need approval from & as long as I keep God at the top of that list everything else will fall into place. 

I do not know if I will ever be published again & it is my heart's desire. That is nothing small for any of us. But the way I react is. I can take it in stride & believe God has other plans for me or I can act petty. The choice is mine. I can continue to seek & follow God's path or go my own way as I have most of my life-telling God just how He should use my gifts along the way. 

During a particularly frustrating time, I exclaimed, "Rather a thousand copies with You God than a million without You." It shocked me that I meant that. I still do. In fact, I will add, "Rather no publishing contract ever with You, than a million without You." I have learned things gained without His hand will never be what I desire them to be.


I think it is time for those three words to go back on the chalkboard as a reminder. Our God is bigger than any words to describe.

Past- Leave it there. Don't bring it back up.
Present- Each day is a new day with our Lord. Let's treat it that way & not get too far ahead. (I am guilty of that one as well.)
Petty- Keep the small stuff small. Don't let it interrupt our walk with our God. 

Update- One month later I signed a publishing contract for The Preacher's Letter.

My Regrets

Have you ever met someone that stated boldly that they have no regrets? It sounds good to say that but do you believe it? I don't. Oh, I get the thing about experiences shaping us & how we learn from our mistakes. All of that is true. But I made some ill fated choices that hurt people. Am I forgiven by them, by God? Yes. Do I regret the pain I inflicted? Yes!

Turning 60 has brought so much to light. Don't get me wrong. I believe my best days with God are in front of me. I hope one day to look back 20 years from now & say, "Wow, God. What a journey. The final chapter of my life was the greatest." My prayer is that I will be a living example of the scripture. Corinthians 1:27.

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;

My regret today is that I hung on to what I wanted-what I thought I needed & despite a dramatic Born Again experience at the age of 19 I never really let go of the wheel of this life & placed God above all else. I was always holding on to something. My hopes, my dreams...for many years even holding on to my anger toward Him. My disappointment in Him. 

I marvel at people at Lifepoint Church who are decades younger than me. They are so sold out for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. A young couple we know scrapping it all to go into the mission field in a far away country. Leaving behind all the comforts of home. A young man who has befriended a homeless man & devotes his time to helping him be clean, offering him encouragement...hope..friendship.  So many examples. They humble me.

First above all. Not a relationship you cling too that you know you need to let go of. Not religious practices that grant temporary comfort but not real relationship. Not money, things. If only I had this or that. First let me get this. I was the poster child for that line of thinking. No...First....surrender...

I only wish I would have started sooner.  

https://billybeasley.blogspot.com/2013/02/what-is-holding-you-back-dad.html

Christmas 2016

It is that time once again that can bring us to such glorious highs & lows. Our memories that occasionally visit during the year seem to arrive at a precipice for the Holiday season. Many of those memories are bitter sweet. Last night, as I sat home waiting on my wonderful wife, Julie, with our new addition for this Christmas, Teke- I had the overwhelming desire to pick up the phone & call my Mom. She has been gone now for over three years & that is one of the things I miss most. A simple phone conversation.

Christmas has often been a very low point in my life. There was a time when I truly hated Christmas. The broken/failed relationships. The dreams that never materialized. The many failures. The many bad choices I made. The unfairness of this life. I have a story I wrote long ago that I hope a publisher says yes to one day that the main character leaves before Thanksgiving & stays in a small cabin in the mountains away from everyone until after the first of the year. I never did that but I wanted too.

I remember those days & though I am grateful today to enjoy Christmas. Julie with her childlike excitement brings so much to the season & my life-as well as family & the wonderful friends God has blessed me with. Still, I don't want to lose sight of the people who struggle mightily at this time of year just as I once did. 

We are also blessed to be part of a dynamic church. Lifepoint Church in Wilmington, NC. This weekend we have three Christmas Eve services. One on Friday night & two on Saturday afternoon. All the services are the same.  Julie will be part of the worship team. I will be serving at the booth for first time guests.

I realize that of my own wisdom, my knowledge, that I have little to offer. What I ask of God, particularly for this season is for me to be aware of the people who walk into church-maybe for the only time this year. Those that are beaten up by life. Those that are weary & want a new way. Those that are truly alone. Those that desperately need some hope..some encouragement. I ask of God to lead & help me encourage them. To be quiet & listen to their stories. We all have one.

Initially, I did not plan to serve for three services but as I thought about it--what an honor it is. To remember my struggles & hopefully help others with more than just information about our wonderful church.

It is way to easy for people to get caught up in thinking about what they have to offer. I have nothing but as my team leader, Randy, so aptly put it when I shared these feelings last week. "But we can make ourselves available." And in the process my hope is that I can do & be what our Pastor Jeff Kapusta taught earlier this month.

"My purpose is to illuminate Jesus."

Merry Christmas

Billy 

  

The Choice of Baptism Now

My first act of rebellion was to leave the Baptist Church my family attended, at age twelve & run down the street to join the Methodist Church. They had the younger, cooler minister, Al Morris. I was sprinkled in the church & what I recall most all these years later is my body was shaking uncontrollably during the baptism. It was not fear. My thoughts now are God knew that very soon I would depart down about every bad road a young boy/man could venture. It was as if He were shaking me with His presence & at the same time telling me that my hand is upon you & you will return to me.


At age nineteen as I walked down a lonely dark road one night-A life wrought with heartache. A life where the parties began early & often only ended early the next morning as I would crawl into bed as the sunrise came.  No drug untouched. No opportunity for searching for fun in all the wrong places. I am not going to tell you I did not have a good time. There is pleasure in sin for a season but I was always a searcher & at times the life grew weary & I knew there had to be more.

That night, God showed up. He spoke & it all changed. It was such a life transformation that it would have been better for society & me if I could have been sent away to some secluded quiet place for two years while maybe I could learn to live with the truth of the Gospel.

As it is I made many bad choices. One in particular that years later would result in divorce when my son was two years old. The battles in court. The pain of not having your child with you each night. The long drive home after dropping him off at his Mom's. As time passed I became angry with this God who had such power that He showed up one night on a dark road but would not grant fairness in my life.

I went back to the party life. Never to the degree that I lived in my youth. But soon life became about clubbing, searching for that certain woman. This life grew old as well & I began to stay home alone with my anger at God.

Later in my life I was in my mid fifties & I began to attend church but I still held on to what I wanted more than what God wanted. Being a Christian can be a pretty generic term. I always sensed that for me- to really be a Christian was when I cared more about what God wanted for my life than what I wanted. Through it all, even the Born Again Damascus Road experience I never really did that.

It was January of 2012. I was driving down the road when I said, "God, I have made a mess of everything I have touched. You take the wheel. I will place what you want in my life above my own desires, even if it is not what I want. Where You say go. I will go. " That was my moment that led to yesterday. To be baptized with more  understanding. More understanding that I can't live a mixture of law & grace as was often preached in my earlier days. It is His grace. Period.

It has been on my heart to be baptized since last year about this time. I wanted to be baptized in my sanctuary-the ocean. Lifepoint has an annual baptism each summer in August. I was recovering from ankle surgery & could not participate last summer.

One day this spring, I met with Jack Teachey at Lifepoint about serving. I mentioned about my desire to be baptized. He responded with, "If this is on your heart you don't need to wait till August. I will meet you wherever you want me too." He completely got me about wanting it to take place on the beach.

Wow! I did not even know that was an option. So yesterday, my wife, Julie, Kim Williamson, my small group leader, Randy Dallos, who I began serving with at the First Time Guests booth, & Jack met at my adopted family's home on Carolina Beach.


Some highlights.

I was able to be baptized right where Julie & I were married a little over three years ago.


It was raining pretty hard mid afternoon & I heard thunder in the distance. But when our time to meet at the beach came it was beautiful. The sun came out. Beautiful cloud formations & God decided to favor His child with a rainbow. As someone commented on Facebook last night that they didn't know that was my rainbow they saw. Yes, it was.

One last thing that I did not think about until I was home. I noticed no one on the beach but us. It was our private time. Anyone that spends time on the beach knows late in the day there are walkers, joggers, people taking their dogs for a stroll. I saw none of that.

This was a step that I felt God, for whatever reasons, wanted me to take before He takes us to the next step.

I can hardly wait. 

After Valentine's Day

I don't think you will find many men who get excited about Valentine's Day. Count me in that loop. That might explain the numerous men buying flowers in the grocery store on Valentine's Day. Yes, I have been one of them. But as I have become older & hopefully wiser I have learn to listen when my wife, Julie tells me it is a special day for her. She remembers the many Valentines she spent alone or in an unhappy marriage. Thankfully, God blessed me with a low maintenance woman who did not care to go out in the masses of people dining out for Valentine's Day. She hinted rather strongly that her favorite flower-white tulips were at Harris Teeter & on sale. She also asked if I would grill steaks.

Last year at this time, we heard a fantastic message on relationships by our Pastor, Jeff Kapusta at Lifepoint Church.  He covered it all. Those dating, those not dating, & those of us that are married. I sure learned some things. He talked about those things we do in the beginning that we cease doing in time. Jeff still opens the car door for his wife 99% of the time after nineteen years of marriage.  

Jeff talked about standards & he had a list of things that were really right on target. One of my favorite things he said that I have said countless times. Listen to your friends. The word friend is sacred to me. There is a huge difference between a friend & an acquaintance. A real friend is not only there for you at three a.m. but they want you to be happy. They are not petty or envious of your success. They are empathetic with you in your failures. If they are not these things you need new friends.

So when they tell  you that you are in an unhealthy relationship....Listen. I don't care if you are in love or not. Don't be that fool like me that thinks you see something inside of them that your friends can't see. 

I've been there when my friends told me to bail. I wish I would have been wise enough to have listened sooner. On the other hand, my friends love Julie. My best friend Jack, who is not given to a lot of emotion could scarcely speak at our wedding when it was time for him to offer a toast. Thankfully, he has a great wife too, Kelly, that helped him along with his speech.

Another aspect is, don't settle out of loneliness. It made me think of the worse kind of loneliness. It is not when you are alone for the Holidays. It is not when you are alone at a certain age. The worst loneliness is being lonely in a bad marriage. Trust me.

The fear of loneliness can drive people to one bad decision after another. I bet we all know people who simply can't be alone. They close one relationship out with another. I am no counselor but common sense should tell you that is not going to work. 

Julie & I were both lonely but we both were in a position where we meant it when we said, "God if you are not in it we would rather be alone." Julie realized this much sooner than I. Of course she did should be the chorus line right now. I kept doing that thing that most people do. Let me get what I think I should have & God I will get around to you on the back end of my decision. Is it any wonder the divorce rate is 50%? I tell you why I did it my way. I did not trust God because if I did I would have wanted Him in it from the very beginning. But placing Him in it from the beginning would mean doing it His way. We want to do our way.


Julie & I did not do everything right but I will tell you one thing we did that I suggest everyone do. We were up front from the beginning. We kept throwing our cards on the table. I use the word deal breaker often. I wanted to know early if we were not on a path that would turn out differently than our history.

Think about it. You meet someone. You are falling for them & then you become hesitant because what if I share this about myself & they think it is too much? We didn't do that. I think within the first two to three weeks we had shared all the things we were afraid or even a little ashamed to share. 

Julie did something early on that I can't even explain how much it meant. I shared one of my possible deal breakers & she looked at me with those kind, unwavering eyes & said, "You keep saying these things like that is going to be the one thing that causes me to walk out the door. I am not going anywhere." She meant it. She still does.


I thought about Jeff's list yesterday. I use to have one & it was before I turned the wheel of this life over to God.

1. Great Passion.

2. Great Communication. 

3. Common Interests.  (Now this does not mean that you have to love all the same  things but you better have a few things that  you enjoy doing together because if one of you gives in to what the other wants to do all the time there will be resentment that comes to play.)

4. Common Values.

I still think it is a pretty good list but here is the one I did not have back then. It should be the first one. Place God first. Trust Him to know what is best for  you.

If you are single trust God. If you are married keep growing together. Don't allow today's minor problem to become tomorrow's major obstacle. Communicate with each other. Listen. No silent treatment.

I was confident that we would have a good marriage-even a great one because of two main things. We both wanted to put God first & we knew He was on board with our path. The second was we would both know not to take our life with each other for granted.

It had nothing to do with Valentine's Day last week when I looked at her & said, "Thank you for loving me at my worst." I have had the other love.It is not worth it.

We have made each other better. We are good for each other. Don't waste time in a relationship where you are not good for each other. 


One last thing that Julie & I both do well. We walk in the other room & say, "I am sorry. I blew it." And it is over. No lingering drama. No carryover.

You know there is scarcely a day that goes by that I don't thank God for Julie. She is better than I deserved. A gift from God & no other woman has or could ever measure up. I pray that for all of you.

But Pastor Jeff, I do need to get that door thing back in the regular rotation.

Hearts Have No Color

"Hearts have no color Daddy.  You taught me that when I was a little girl.”

This is maybe my favorite line in the The River Hideaway. I won't give away too much for those of you who have not read the book yet & if you haven't what in the world are you waiting on? :) 

What I love about this line is that it has taken on a life of its own with many of the readers. I  have had- Hearts have no color- repeated back to me by various readers. My friend, Richard Busby, suggested at a book signing in Raleigh to sign the books with that caption. I don't know why I did not think of it sooner. 

There are a few reasons why this line means so much to me. The lesson was taught by my favorite character in The River Hideaway, Clarence Wilkins, a black man, refuses to allow the prejudice he endures in his life to change his way of belief that- "Hearts have no color." He teaches this lesson to his son & daughter. But there comes a part in the story when his daughter ventures down a road that he does not approve of & he does not live out the words that he has taught. She turns his words back to him. What will he do?

The River Hideaway is fictional-unlike our lives, though at times I sure wish I could write some of my decisions off to fiction. I love the line in my book because I believe it with all my heart. I believe it because I believe in God- a Father that loves His children. Do you think for one moment that our loving Father considers the color of our skin? I don't. 

I have shared often about growing up in a church where racism flourished. Even as a little boy during the racial conflict that was a big part of Wilmington during that time as well as in much of the country I recall sitting in church thinking isn't this where we should all come together? But our doors were closed to anyone of color. I never shared my thoughts with anyone & I forgot about the thoughts a little boy once had for most of my life. But don't you think God knew that a little boy would one day grow up & write a story about racially charged times? I suspect even then He was planting the seed for the type man I would grow up to be. 

Recently, I heard a message from a black minister who felt the Lord wanted him to integrate the church that he was Shepherd at. It was met with resistance by some of the congregation but he pressed on because that was his directive from God.  The church is now diversified.

I wish I could tell you that I never was prejudice as I grew up in the south or that I had no problem when our schools begin to integrate, or when we were bused to what was previously an all black school I said, "Great. Sign me up." No, sadly I gave into the silly stereotypes of that time. 

But on the night when God showed up to a lost young man, walking down a black street & I experienced first hand how real our God is I knew without anyone telling me that God looked on the heart. The color of our skin matters not. Not in any circumstance. 

1 Samuel 16:7
The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

I coached basketball for twenty years. I was asked often. How many black kids do you have on  your team. What a question. No one ever asked me how many white kids I had on my team. My answer was always the same. "I don't know."
That was the truth. Oh, I could have sat down & thought about it or looked at the team photograph but it was not information I stored in my head. I would hope my boys would say coach just wanted us to play hard, play smart, be a good teammate. He didn't care if we were purple if we just did that.

    

Remember when the disciples asked Jesus about Heaven & He said you don't even understand earthly things. 

I am pretty sure of a few things about Heaven. There will be no us & them. There will be no racial division. No prejudice. No stereotypes. Maybe just one heart all tied into our Father.

  

Hearts have no color.  

I believe that is more than a line in a fictional story. 

Marriage Should Be Work?

I never cared for the relationship advice about how you had to work at it. Don't get me wrong. I understand the premise, but it always made it sound more like a job to me. Relationships while none are perfect should be fun & enjoyable..If not, I am not sure what the point is.

As Julie was backing out the drive this morning & both of us giggling about my silly antics. I thought about all the laughter we share with each other. How we are grateful for new opportunities that will allow us to spend more time together.

It is no secret that I have been around the block a few times but once I let go of what I thought I needed, God provided me with more than I could ever dream of with Julie. And Julie was & is His child. A child He loves dearly.

I think it is safe to say we have all charged down paths we knew not to be good for us with the thinking that we will invite God in on the back end of our deal. This above tweet from Christine Caine I found to be very succinct & powerful. 

God is not obligated to sustain what He did not orchestrate.

I lived like this most of my life. Charging ahead from one adventure to another & always leaving God on the outside of what I desired. I fully intended to bring Him in on the back end after I got everything I wanted.

Big shocker here. It was an epic fail. 

But I reached a point when everything I had tried failed. It is like all the years I spent coaching kids in the great sport of basketball. One of our favorite things that my assistant coach, Richard Mears & I said to kids so frequently that I am sure they rolled their eyes at us. "Good habits breed good habits & bad habits breed bad habits." For example, you have a kid who has repeated a bad habit so often that it feels natural to him. You try to convince him to change because he lacks proper form. His complaint would be it does not feel right. My response was, "But your way is not working. What do you have to lose?"

That was me. I reached a point where I had to come to grips that my way was not working. I trusted my thinking of what was right for me more than I trusted God. 

"God, I do not wish to be alone forever but if You are not in it I would rather remain alone for the rest of my life because it will fail like all the rest." That was the place I finally reached.

I don't know that anyone that knew Julie & I before we begin to date that would have said, "Now they would make a great match." But yet looking back I have no doubts that God was preparing both of us for our eventual meeting. 

I have been very blessed on occasion to have witnessed the Supernatural works of the Holy Spirit. Times when I knew without question it was as the wonderful Christian Author, Mark Batterson wrote, "Sometimes God shows up. Sometimes God shows off."

Two months before I met Julie I was in the shower. Don't you love how God does not stand on pretense? He wants to come in it & does not matter what you might be doing. 

As clear as someone in the room speaking to me I heard. "Get your house in order." What? What does that mean? I thought about it for several days and then I kind of forgot about it.

Fast forward a few months & Julie & I are on our third date & it is the first time she was in my house. She was seated at the kitchen table and I went in the back for something & I felt that tug & reminder of what I heard in the shower that day. 

I sat down next to her & shared the story. Her eyes glazed over & she made me repeat it again. "Say that again. Just like you said it the first time."

I did. She shook her head. "I heard that same thing recently. In fact, I heard it multiple times. I asked God what it meant and He said, The man I have for you is coming and he is coming quickly." She had been alone for ten years waiting on her Boaz. 

I don't remember anymore of our conversation that day. What we both took away was that God made it clear that if our two paths merged to one-He would be on board. He would bless us. We still had to sort through things because we both had our share of scars. We are not robots. We did not rush right out & get married because God showed us something.  

There was an age difference that I was not comfortable with but you know it was more than that. I knew Julie to be the far better Christian than me. That is still true today. I was not sure I deserved her. I was not certain I was a good enough man for her. There is not a week that goes by that I don't say, "God, I do not deserve my wife but I am not returning the gift that You gave me." 

That is what Julie is to me. A gift from our Father.

Last night as I sat on the porch waiting for Julie to come home I felt a sadness & I drifted to questioning myself, which I am apt to do. I have always been my own worse critic. I found encouragement as I sorted through my thoughts when I came to a simple fact. 

God trusted me with his precious child that He loves dearly. He thought I was the right man for Julie. Me. He thought I was good enough for her. He did not think it. He is God and He knows it.

It encouraged me because if He thought I was good enough for Julie-why should I question that? Question Him?

I still wrestle at times like many of us that say in our mind we know God loves us but it does not always make the journey to our heart. Why is it I can see Julie as someone that God loves dearly & not so much myself? Just because I may view Julie as more deserving of God's love does not mean that is how it is. 

I was given a gift by my Father. Wow! I am closing in on a pretty big number. I will be sixty years old in another year. We have been married now for over two years & we have been together almost three years. Our first date. The seven hour coffee as it is referred to now is just around the corner. Next Monday, October 26.Hopefully, when people see us together they say, "Wow. If that is not God I don't know what it could be."

Gifts are suppose to be fun, right? So are relationships.

My gift, Julie. I love you Baby.
Happy 3 years (almost) 

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