This morning I woke before Julie and enjoyed the quiet time before the day began calling. Coffee in hand, Sydny & I huddled near the gas logs, reading from the gospel of Matthew. Well, I was the one reading as Sydny is not quite that advanced yet. But give the old boy time. He has learned a lot of new tricks since he moved in here full time a little over a year ago.
Later as I was preparing for the morning workout I was listening to Joyce Meyer and she said, "We should not be thinking how much can I get away with & still make it to Heaven."
I lived that way for most of my life. Many of us have. And what is the reason for that? I can answer only for me. I trusted what I wanted with my life way more than I trusted God. To follow God completely would be zero fun right? It would mean giving up my dreams.
Yesterday I had a meeting with our Senior Pastor Steve Mattis. It was a wonderful hour spent sharing the good news as it applies to our lives. The meeting was scheduled to discuss my upcoming novel The River Hideaway, which will be released April 20, and we did chat about it, however, we spent more time talking about letting go of the wheel and really turning it over to our Father.
I did just that about two years ago for really the first time in my life. Oh, I was Born Again when I was 19 in dramatic fashion but I was always hesitant to really let our loving Father decide the path best suited. I believed but I charged ahead in my own steam. Later when I felt that God had failed me and did not really love me I rejected anything he may have wanted for my life.
So two years ago and fresh from hearing his voice clearly again but not trusting myself to surrender, certain that I would fail again. Do you sense a pattern here? Me, me, me.
Yesterday I shared personal insights with Pastor Steve about this calling by God. I have had two great callings in my life. I had one dramatic encounter when I was 19 and the second when I was an angry man in my 50's a more gentle calling of the Holy Spirit.
But even as I shared what has happened in my life since I turned the wheel over in January of 2012 to recap it still seems surreal. It would be way more than a blog to attempt to explain it fully so I will hit the highlights.
Regardless of whether I was going my own way or walking the path with my Father as I am now I had two great desires of my heart.
I wanted that one exciting relationship with a woman that would love me, enjoy me, protect me, and could handle the depths of my heart. A love that would not grow stale. Many times I ventured down ill fated roads in search of this woman. It reached a point where the ride was not worth the fall. I told God one day I did not want to be alone forever but if it was not a spiritual woman and a relationship that he not only approved of but would bless it then close all the doors. I would be better off alone.
The day I said that I just have this image of God surrounded by his angels and saints. He says, "Okay everyone, I have his attention. Let's go to work."
The second great desire of my heart was that I wanted to be a published writer. Not for glory or fame, but simply to be walking down the beach one day and see someone reading and enjoying a book that I wrote.
April 6, 2013 Julie Morgan and I were married on the strand at Carolina Beach. I lack words to describe all she is to me. She certainly does love me. We enjoy each other and laughter often spills out for no apparent reason. My friend Todd mentioned just this week about how he loves Julie and how he sees not only how much she loves me but how protective she is over me. She does indeed handle this big complex heart of mine. Last night I had a dream that I don't recall in detail but the sence of it was that I was going through a breakup and strangely the person in the dream was no one I had ever seen. I woke a little out of sorts and then I reached over and touched my wife and smiled. She will not only love me and be there for the good times. I have had that many times in my life. Julie means it when she says she is standing right there with me for the challenging times as well. She is a loving beautiful woman and she is a rock for God and for me.
September 5, 2013 I received the following email.
Now that we've had the opportunity to review your novel, The River Hideaway, and get a sense of your marketing perspectives, we would like to offer you a publishing agreement.
One day short of five months and both desires of my heart granted.
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