A Letter to my Son

It is hard to believe that my son, Micah, will turn 30 next month. Last week I had a long ago memory visit of my one goal as a parent that I often said when he was a child. It was not that he would be rich, educated, a ballplayer. I had one very simple goal that I don't think I ever shared with him until I wrote it in a card for him this week.

As an adult, will he when faced with a troublesome issue think I can talk to my Dad & he will listen? He will help me sort this out. My thinking was that if he did that than I had done okay as his Dad.

I knew even when he was little I would not be that parent with a desire to control my adult child's life. That kind of defeats the purpose. You raise a child & then you let them go, or at least that is my philosophy. You will always be their parent. Always be there for them but it is their life. Will they fail at times & make wrong choices? You bet they will but didn't we as well?

I wrote my son this week, not asking for a pat on the back but an honest answer. Did I meet my one goal? Do you think that my Dad can help with this problem? Do I listen thoroughly to you or do I start dispensing advice before you finish?

Lots of parents routinely do that with their adult children. Some are even a big part of failed marriages because their children are not wise enough to live out all of Genesis 2:24..

² For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

I always loved the part of the two becoming one...the intimacy. But after one particular failed relationship I realized the importance of the first part of this scripture.  There comes a time to leave your parents & forge your own way. A husband & a wife need to run their own race as a couple. Seek advice from your parents-yes. Allow them a voice in your marriage-no.

I wrote to my son that if I am failing in this regard both now & in the future, tell me. I will correct it. Life is to short & often the things allowed to remain unchallenged in a family become the very matters that construct walls that imprison families. It is difficult to break habits & often hard to see our own bad habits in how we interact with our family. Some find it easier to fashion the Norman Rockwell painting that they know did not ever exist. I never could buy into that. It is only with dealing with the truth in any relationship that we can break down the barriers & reach a better place. Pretending things are better than they are is like putting a band-aid on a deep wound.

There is another thing I wrote in that card. I want Micah to learn not only from the good things I have taught him but I want him to learn from the things I did wrong. There are many important life long lessons I have taken to heart from my Dad that were anything but positive. The things he did I knew were wrong & even as a child I swore I would not be that way with my own child when that day came. 

My Dad was a good man but he was like a lot of men in that era. They left the parenting to the Mother. But I still learned because they were still failures on his part. He could not apologize & admit to being wrong. Never once to me in my entire life. But I learned. Maybe in reverse but I learned & I am grateful. Grateful that I often said to my son, "I am sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me." 

Micah also never went to bed at night without hearing I love you. Even to this day. Every phone call, visit,  ends often in multiple I love you's exchanged. Again I learned this in reverse from my Father & Micah it is okay that you learn in reverse from me. I failed often. I realize that. I own it.

As I have written before that my idea for The River Hideaway came from watching one of my favorite movies. A Time to Kill.

There is a wonderful exchange between the young attorney, played by Matthew McConaughey & his mentor, Donald Sutherland.

Jake Tyler Brigance: I can't be you, Lucian.

Lucien Wilbanks: Don't be me, Jake. Be better than me.

I  have thought of that line often in regards to Micah. Don't be me. Be better than me.

I love you son.

My adult son. My best man on Julie & my wedding day. 

That Is Your Opinion (It is neither right or wrong)

The title of this blog derived from numerous conversations with a very young Micah Beasley. I know this will shock some of you who know him but Micah pretty much arrived into this world with many strong opinions. He was quite animated as he shared just what was what. Many times I would calmly state to him.

"That is your opinion & it is neither right or wrong. It is what you think."


Of course he challenged me on this but I kept on....Wash, rinse...repeat.



Those of you who have followed my journey on this blog site have become pretty accustomed to my honesty about the mistakes I have made. How I have been my own worst critic throughout my life.  So allow me this time to actually pat myself on the back.

I have opinions. We all do. But I don't state my opinion with disdain for those that dare to have a different one. I am pretty respectful of others thoughts & I don't make the assumption that just because I think a certain way that makes me right & the opposing view wrong. We all like different things & I often say, "It would be a boring world if we all liked the same things."

I think it is a habit-a very bad one & many people don't realize how rude they are being by dismissing someone & what they think just because it does not align with their thoughts.



My two cents since this is my blog. Is it possible that when we really love something that we just can't believe someone else can't see how great it is? A food.. a place to live..to visit..an activity. My friend, Ray (my age) shared with me recently that he had people make fun of him because he has really got into Frisbee Golf. I didn't make fun of him & in fact I told him next time we have our quarterly meeting that I would join him in his favorite activity. People criticize so easily something that they are not interested in.

I worked at Wrightsville Beach for over 32 years & I love it & many of the people there but when I moved to Carolina Beach..boy the comments.."the redneck beach..."   "Well it is not Wrightsville Beach.." (Picture that statement said with nose perched in the air) & the list goes on. Honestly, I got kind of weary of it & most the people that offered these statements had not visited Carolina Beach two times in ten years. Now I could never have afforded a home at Wrightsville Beach but if I had 30 million in the bank I still would want to live here...a little closer to the water perhaps but I prefer Carolina Beach, however I would not make a disparaging remark to someone that lives at & loves Wrightsville Beach.

In fairness, I worked at Wrightsville Beach while living at Carolina Beach the last nine years of my career. I heard a lot of unkind comments at Carolina Beach when they saw my Wrightsville Beach P&R staff shirt. I didn't care for those comments either, especially when the assumption was that anyone living at Wrightsville Beach had to be a snob. Nothing could be further from the truth.



While I am on the subject of homes-I was a single man for a very long time & boy regardless of where I lived a woman that was I dating would inevitably walk in my house & say, "This place needs a woman's touch." Why would we decorate the house like women lived there when they didn't? Somewhere I wrote once that a home is to be respected & I don't care if I enter a house for the first time & they have a 8' by 10' mural of NASCAR in the living room. Would I do it? No. I don't even like NASCAR. I know you can't believe a southern boy like me who grew up around it & had a cousin next door that raced NASCAR for a couple of years but I don't care for it. But I don't look down my nose at people who do enjoy NASCAR.

Don't disregard someones home-where they choose to live. I think that is pretty sacred to people. I respect that. There is no better. It is what we prefer & that is not a right or wrong answer.

When you have a strong opinion about something you can tend to make every story play your way to the point of not even verifying the authenticity of the story. No better example than politics. Sometimes you become a zealot with your opinions & it is easy to rule out rationale.

How about a hot topic item? Global Warming. Honestly, is the weather changing? Yes. Do I know if it is related to fossil fuels or just a change over time that will revert back? I really don't. But both sides are so absolute in their beliefs that they want to be right regardless if their data is fudged. I think people are often more concerned with being right than getting at the truth & a possible solution.  

"We can disagree without being disagreeable." I don't know the origin of this statement but the first time it really sunk in for me was hearing it when President Gerald Ford died. It was one of his favorite quotes. Some of his best friends were Democrats & often a beer was shared after debating on the Senate floor all day. I don't think that is happening too often these days. Stay divided seems to be the theme of political parties. Both parties are guilty. Horribly guilty.  


I don't know if anything can be accomplished here. There is another word in play called introspection & some people don't seem to have any of that..

It is far too easy to take what we love..what we enjoy...& just disregard what others like...not even really listen to what their opinion is because they have the audacity to have a different opinion..

Care to see examples of this at its worst? Read comments after any article/story online. The ridicule...the arrogance of people.. Calling people stupid & worse just because they don't agree with them. If this is what your life is about...spending each day calling people names...over a difference of opinion...people you don't even know...well to me that is one sad existence. 

I am certain God does not desire us to behave that way. We can make following God so complex. But how about this one rule for how we treat each other?


Galatians 5:14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Imagine if we lived this scripture each day to the best of our ability. If we love our neighbor as we love our self. We won't lie, cheat, steal, covet, be jealous of, look down upon...ridicule them because they are Republican, Democrat, a different race...live a different lifestyle.......& the list goes on..I will add one more..We would be happy for our neighbors triumphs. If they win the lottery we would not say, "I am more deserving. Why did that not happen for me instead of them?" 

A great example of this would be my best friend, Jack. He is not a reader. Not a writer. His passion is boats, fishing...salt water. But I can't even begin to tell  you how happy he was & is for my getting The River Hideaway, published. Even now as I struggle to find a second publisher for my other stories he told me recently he did not think that it was over. He knows writing is my passion & he could not be more encouraging. We both love the salt water. He loves it from a boat with a fishing rod. I love it sitting on the beach with a good book in hand. 

Recently I watched as a young kid in the mountains met Jack. Jack mentioned fishing & the kid just lit up. He started talking about fly fishing & reel fishing & how the creek needed running water to catch trout. Jack obviously knew more about salt water fishing but the connection made by the two of them. I enjoyed watching the exchange...the passion the two of them hold for fishing. It doesn't matter that it is not something I care to participate in.

The danger is becoming so convinced of our opinions & disdain those daring to think-feel differently we can become quite judgmental about it. We judge others who do not like what we like. Pretty sure the Bible covers not being judgmental on a couple of occasions. 

So try to respect other people & their opinions even though gasp they may differ from yours. Who knows in the process maybe you can learn something & view things in a slightly different way & maybe, just maybe we could even choose to  show grace to people regardless of who wins the election Tuesday. My world will not end one way or the other.




....Of course all of this is just my opinion I guess..Have a great day..

Or what Toby Mac said....

Writing World Update

Little Update..

Occasionally I get asked if The River Hideaway is still available & the answer is Yes. It is contracted for another two years but that may or may not be the case. The owner of the Publishing Company has been very sick & plans to be back but many things are on hold right now.

I was looking for a different publisher before this news for works that I have already completed. Many of you realize that getting traditionally published is about a 99% rejection rate. Having no name recognition makes the journey very difficult. No complaints.. That is just how it is. Knowing someone helps in any job related search. I was able to get a novel in front of a publisher that only allowed it because of a dear contact. They liked it but their finances at this time concerned them. It is a tough world for Publishers as well as authors. I appreciated their honesty.

Of course, so many people suggest self publishing & that is a good format for some people & their works, however, I would encourage any writer to research any publisher very carefully as there are a lot of shady book publishers. Some say they are traditional & the next thing you know they want $$$ from you. Be careful..Some of the self-publishing companies lure you in & the next thing you know they are charging you thousands.I certainly did not sign any great contract for The River Hideaway but I also did not fork over any of my hard-earned money to see my book in print.

I will not consider self-publishing & I mean no offense to those that have. It is just not for me.
At the end of the day this is all in God's Hands & believe it or not I am getting much better at really letting go of my desires & trusting Him.


My answer for what is a Christian & by no means do I think this is the right view for everyone. It is just my answer for my walk. I knew that to really call myself a Christian I had to seek what God wanted more than what I desired. It was not there for the majority of my life-even after a Damascus Road experience almost 40 years ago to the day. Today, though I fail at times-for the most part I am there.

Do you ever shock yourself with something you say? One day I was frustrated over book sales & I exclaimed to no one..as I was alone.."Rather a thousand copies with You than a million without You." I realized I meant that & for most of my life & this writing adventure I would have chosen the million with the attitude that I would catch up with God on the flip side. Isn't it easy to do that in so many areas of our life? Relationships, living a lifestyle we know God did not call us too. The list goes on.

So this is an update for those that ask if The River Hideaway is still available. I do have a few copies of The River Hideaway at home if you want a signed copy. I can mail them or if you are local I can find a way to get a copy to you. Also for those of you that enjoyed The River Hideaway & want more. God bless you. The kind words from many of you are treasured. The River Hideaway touched people. Made people told me that they reflected about their faith-if they were still harboring any prejudices..Their words-not mine. To tell a story that touched people-made them think about their relationship with God.. That is the good stuff & I am deeply humbled.

One exciting thing did happen in my writing world this year. I had an article published in Optimist International Magazine about my Coach & the man who rescued from the scrap heap of this life many years ago. It is in the Summer Issue 2016.

Thank you & God bless each & every one of you.
PS For digital readers The River Hideaway is available on Kindle & Nook..
https://www.amazon.com/River-Hideaway-Billy-B…/…/ref=sr_1_1…

Once again this beautiful photo was taken by my friend, Robbie Johnson.

Do our changes sometimes shock us?

Micah 6:8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Maybe it is because I fell so far from my Born Again experience that I embrace this scripture wholeheartedly. In fact, it has become my second favorite scripture. 

Isn't it encouraging to experience those moments that reveal the change in us? I call those the it's okay to pat myself on the back moments. Joyce Meyer often says in her messages, "I may not be who I need to be but thank God I am not who I use to be."


Do you ever have a moment where you truly realize how much you have changed, or even more to the point how much you have allowed the Spirit of God residing in you to reshape you? 

For so many years I dreamed, pursued a traditional publishing contract for something I had written. I would have given anything to have this dream come true. I use to say often, "God, if you are not going to help than at least get out of my way & allow me to have this." I came close so often that I felt that He was keeping his foot on my dream coming true. I have no idea if he was interfering in what I desired so intently in my heart or not. I do know that The River Hideaway changed, at least in my opinion to a better story when I let go of the wheel of this life & I wrote it again-increasing the spiritual aspect of the story that began with the character Louie.

One day, with little thought as I debated about the ways to get the word about The River Hideaway out, I said out loud. "God, I would rather sell a thousand copies with You than a million without You."

It really did not dawn on me immediately the magnitude of what I had just said. I said  it casually with no room for debate. That is how much I had changed in what was most important. 

Matthew 6:33 
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

It is one of those times when this scripture is alive. Now, don't get me wrong. If you think I live this scripture to the fullest every day than you are granting me far too much credit. It is human nature to do it our way & I fall prey to that but when I do I return to the basic value of my life.

God, regardless of how much I desire something, or the rewards involved-if you are not in it I want no part of it. 

I love this tweet by Christine Caine. It says it far better than I ever could. 

I want to be part of what He orchestrates.

Have a great day everyone & I pray a wonderful Thanksgiving for each of you.

That One Thing

We like the illusion of control in our lives, don't we? That is all control is... an illusion. I believe that control factor keeps many of us from turning the wheel of this life completely over to God. It is like we have a list. Okay God, this, this, & that can go, but I need this.

I have shared previously about my cliche of driving down the road & saying, "Lord, You take the wheel. Whatever the path is that you lay out for me I will walk it even if I have to surrender my dreams."  Despite having lived this I still want to take over the wheel at times. Why, I do not know. My Father has proven to be a far more capable driver of my life than I am.

A very wise spiritual woman shared something with me one day I have never forgotten. Carol spoke of someone who was giving nearly every part of their life to God but there was one thing that even though they knew it to be wrong they refused to surrender. That last thing is the one thing many of us will grasp so tightly & we refuse to give it up. We either think it so defines us or maybe we believe we know better than God what we need in our lives. I was the poster child for this behavior. It is pretty arrogant when you think of it, right? I mean to think that any of us know better than the almighty God.

I believe in the light of God without question & I am also very aware of the darkness of this world. Sometimes, it appears as if that is all that surrounds us. It is easy to lose hope. The scriptures are mocked & sadly many churches have succumbed to downgrading the Bible if it dare offend someone. It is Church Lite at its finest. Leaders pat people on the back & tell the congregation what they want to hear. They forget the importance that Jesus placed on scriptures-downplaying it by saying that was for that time. It brings to mind a scripture I read again not too long ago & actually just heard on television when I walked in the kitchen for a protein shake.

2 Timothy 4:3 For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.


One of my favorite scriptures even when I was far from God is Hebrews 13:8. There was comfort that I could count on Him to remain the same.  


Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

I wrote a blog over two years ago about how God is the potter & I am the clay. But isn't it human nature to try to spin that the other way? I sure did. I suspect most if not all of us have at one point or another. 


Malachi 3:6 For I the LORD do not change...

Please don't think I am an advocate for fundamental religion that spends more time & energy making sure everyone knows what their church is against. Not so much what it is for.  Big booming voices that like to put on a show.


Sometimes, & I have no excuse for this. I catch myself saying they won't change. This circumstance is too rooted in darkness. Then I hear that whisper. "Have you forgotten how trapped in darkness that you were? Do you remember the lost young man that I appeared to on a lonely dark street one night?"

So if there was hope for me there is indeed hope for all.

That one last thing we cling to so fiercely. I think I know why. Because the evil one knows that once we let go of that he has lost the battle. It is over. So he will bring every thing he can against us.

I hung on to my desire to have the right woman first & to have my dream of being a published author. "Let me have those, God. Then I will surrender." The truth is I would still have hung on to what I wanted even if I found those dreams. I trusted myself more with my happiness than I trusted God.There will always be one more thing to cling to. I now trust God more than I trust myself. I trust my relationship with Him more than I trust rules & regulations. I am a simple man & I continue to believe the more of Jesus I invite to reside in my heart the less I will speculate about rights & wrongs. That tiny voice will guide me. Oh, sure I will get off track during times when it seems I am on earth & God is on Pluto. I felt that way recently. Julie & I were both struggling so much with disappointment. It reached a pinnacle one day when we both woke not wanting to face the day. I have struggled with depression most of my life. Two major bouts almost took my life when I made decisions that left me emotionally exhausted. You know the worse part of those battles? It was that first waking moment when you knew you had to somehow try to manage another day. One night, during the last severe battle of depression in 2001, I parked the car in the garage. I was drunk & listening to Jackson Browne on the CD player. I thought maybe if I just drift off to sleep it won't really be suicide. I don't know if I nodded off or not. I do recall that even though I was so angry at God that I wanted nothing to do with Him that in hind sight he sent to me the one image that would persuade me to shut the engine off & walk inside. It appeared from nowhere. The image of my beautiful son, Micah's face. I did not want to live but I also knew that he might never recover if I did not cut the car off right then. I turned the key & lived for another day, a day when the intense pain & disappointment of this life would fade away. It was not easy & I could not take any medication because I suffered such severe side effects. One day the dense fog rolled out. I lived in fear for a long time that it would return but it never did. Not in that manner or intensity.

So on that morning we woke to despair & disappointment I finally had the good sense to lead my family. I took Julie's hand & we pressed in to God, shutting down the influence of the Enemy. As Julie says, "Are we going to go by what we feel or what we know to be true?" And we know our God to be good & for us & not against us. Since that morning I have slept better than I have in ages. No supplements to aid my sleep. Even afternoon naps have become one of deep sleep.

We, (& please note I say we, not you) love to grab a hold of scripture that makes us feel good. I think a prime example is Jeremiah 29:11. Another thing my wise wife says often is, "We don't get to cherry pick the scriptures."

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

That sounds awesome, right? What about the two scriptures that follow?

Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

Do you ever notice how often the word all is required? All of our heart. All of our dreams. I am not aware of a scripture that says give up this, this, & that & you can keep this.

My Mom, who next Sunday will have moved on to her party in Heaven for two years, use to tell me all the time that God wanted all of me. She was right as she was in many things. She was also the finest example of being Born Again that I knew. We have lost that term for the most part. I find that very sad. Jesus thought it important.

John 3:3 "Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again."

He didn't say if you follow the advice of  your priest or minister that you would see the kingdom of God. He did not say if  you do this, this, and that but not that you would see it. He said you must be born again. Sadly, we have many church leaders that have not experienced the supernatural moment of being born again. They were living life like Mom.  She was in church & she followed the rules & regulations of religion but she lacked relationship. She had a supernatural encounter with God when He showed up during a dark time & she was never the same for the remaining decades of her life. He took up residence in her heart. She admitted things about herself when I will bet you anyone would have said she was a wonderful Christian lady & she was. But she became so much more. As my son, Micah, wrote once. Even in her dementia there was a grace about her that drew people in. She was my hero. She still is.

I have heard people say they have that one more thing & then they will turn it over, or that they were trying to turn it over. It is not something you have to try to do. There is also nothing or no one in this world worth keeping the fullness of relationship with God from you.

I learned that one day when I turned the wheel over as I drove down the road. I tell people often that my vision of that day is that God, turned to the host around Him, & said, "I have his attention. Let's go to work."
And boy did He ever go to work.He knew that I meant what I said. I did not rush up an aisle. I did not go through a series of steps. I simply released. That is all it takes. Surrender all your heart.

That was in January of 2012. By September of 2013 I was enjoying my forth month of marriage with my wife, Julie, who surpassed all my hopes I ever had about a woman. I am not deserving but I also was wise enough to not refuse the gift God granted me with her. That same month I received an email from a traditional publisher offering me a contract for The River Hideaway. A story about two young men, one black, one white, & the friendship that they strike up during the racially charged times of 1967. I wrote most of the story in 1998 & had given up getting published after many rejections. Come on. Even the biggest of skeptics can't see this as anything but God, can you? Truth is indeed stranger than fiction.

And God is greater than all & I am living proof that there is nothing worth clinging too. Not one thing. Don't be so slow like me & waste so many years. I am nearing 60 years of age & sometimes I feel like my life has just begun. Maybe because it many ways it really has.

Surrender....all......

 



























   

Papa Jack

"Good & bad in all. Good & bad in Black...Good & bad in White."

The above quote is attributed to the man in the photo. He was my Grandad, Jack Rogers. Many people referred to him as Papa Jack and that was not limited to family members. The dog in his lap, Tootsie, was my dog but make no mistake she loved Papa Jack more than anyone. I was not even a close second.

Papa Jack wore a white shirt & tie daily as he is in the photo. This was even after he retired in the early sixties from running the Fish Market on Oleander Drive in the community of Sea Gate. He & my Grandmother, Ruth Rogers owned the store together. Those of you that have read The River Hideaway might recall I based the character of Vicky on my Grandmother.    

Papa Jack had little in the way of education and he was a simple man in many ways. Look at the photo again and look at his right hand. That is a Tampa Nugget Cigar. It was also part of his daily routine to enjoy a few of them each day.

There was much racial conflict in this area when I was a boy. Wilmington was in the national news for being placed on curfew after a riot broke out. If memory serves me correctly I believe the National Guard was brought in just as it has been this week in Baltimore.

I lived right across the field from my Grandparents and I often sprinted to spend time with my Grandmother. She was my hero. She still is. 

On this particular night my grandparents were watching the news and I recall seeing fires and racial conflict play out on the little black and white screen. I can't say for certain what event this was. But I do recall with clarity that my Grandad, as he was watching, very simply stated,  "Good & bad in all. Good & bad in Black...Good & bad in White."

I have never forgotten that statement. Very simply stated, true, & full of wisdom. That was how he viewed things. I wish everyone might have seen things that simply.


As a little boy, I don't think I was aware & even if I was I don't know if I would have grasped the magnitude of something my Grandad routinely did as part of his business. He delivered fish to black neighborhoods. He often sat and shared coffee, or a meal.

My sister Kay, the family historian, added another part to this story. Grandad treated all of his customers fairly and that included extending credit regardless of race. 

Mom often remarked that she believed that Grandad truly did not see color. I think considering the times, it is easy to say that is remarkable but I also just believe that it is right.

I was a young man when Grandad passed away. My Grandmother, preceded him in death. One particular memory that brings a smile to me was during my early years as the Park Supervisor for the Town of Wrightsville Beach. I was enjoying a conversation with an older black man, who worked for the Public Works Dept. He was from the area as most of us were back then. We swapped stories of where we grew up and I asked him about the fish market. I don't recall much of the conversation but I do recall what he said when he discovered that I was the grandson of Jack Rogers. "Mr. Jack was your Granddaddy! He was a fine man."

I wish I could write that in my youth I saw no color-that I never joined in nor spoke some of those horrible words that flowed so freely and sadly still do. Deep down I did not hate because of a difference in color but I also was prone to believe some of the stereotypes expressed by those around me.

I have shared liberally that I had a powerful Damascus Road moment as a young man. In the blink of an eye I encountered God, or more likely He encountered me. As I began my often failed walk with Him-from that moment the light went on in my heart I knew without anyone telling me that God did not see color. His love shared equally and gracefully. Nothing else could possibly make sense.

One of the greatest blessings for me is hearing comments from people-even Christians that I know & respect, who have read The River Hideaway. They have said things like it made them question whether they truly believed that hearts have no color.  Were they without prejudice in the eyes of God?

I spoke to a group recently about my novel and I was approached by a man afterwards. He was nice-not contentious in the least. He said he grew up here just as I did but he still believed in separate but equal. He was not angry. He was just sharing and he did so quite cordially.

Later that night my wife, Julie and I discussed this encounter. She had witnessed the entire conversation. I wondered why he felt the need to share his views. Julie looked at it far differently. Jule's viewpoint was yes the man & I grew up here during similar times & obviously we viewed things differently. But maybe, just maybe, the man went  home and thought about the conversation.

Papa Jack did that for me once. He said something that made a little boy think and I have never forgotten it.

One Young Man at a Book Signing

This past Saturday, I had a book signing for my novel, The River Hideaway. It was a very good day. There were so many highlights in that first hectic two hours, that if I list them I will surely leave people out.

I signed many copies & in some cases below my name, I also signed them as, 'Coach.' Parents, and in one case a sister, bought my book for a Christmas present for men who I once coached in basketball, when they were boys, aged ten to twelve. One of my favorite players, Stephen Wolff, came in with his girl friend. He shared stories with my wife about what he recalls playing ball for me.

There was a lady that my family holds dear in our hearts, for all the love & care she gave to my mom in those last years consumed with dementia. Tiffany, you are an angel and you hold our families deepest thanks always.


My PR angels, Sharon & Wylene, for continually pushing this little story to everyone you can reach. Robbie, for showing up once again & taking pictures of the event as only you can.

My old friend, Gary Barbee, who came from Pinehurst. Thanks for providing the comedic relief. 

A teacher came that taught me typing in the ninth grade. The ninth grade was the first year I was bused to another school to achieve real integration. Several of my classmates of that time came by Saturday.

More times than not the books were purchased by people for Christmas presents. How do I value that? To be a part of Christmas in homes across the region.

I saw people I had not seen in nearly forty years. But there was one sale that day that resonates the deepest. A young man approached  the table & asked me very directly, "Why did you write this book?"

I shared with him my reasons...my inspirations.

He nodded and said, "I will buy one."

As I was preparing to sign it for him he offered, "I was in the parking lot & I heard two people talking about your book and I just felt like the Lord wanted me to come in here and see you."

He was looking at me eye to eye as he said this. I got goosebumps or as some of us refer to them, God-bumps. We talked a little while longer and I told him that the book has a spiritual theme in it & that it begins with an elderly man having a vision from God.

I thanked him for the encouragement he offered to a no name author, with a small press, struggling to get the word out for this story. I know God is with Julie and I, wherever this goes. But at times I also doubt, worry, & struggle with the things I can't control.

Maybe that is why God reminded me what he could do with one person.

Christmas Relections

Yesterday, as I watched a Christmas movie, the tree beautifully decorated by me. Okay, by Julie but I just wanted to see if you were with me. My peaceful, grateful state of mind and heart led me to pick up my phone and send the following text to Julie. Thank you for making Christmas time happy.

Christmas is a mixed bag of emotions isn't it? There have been many lonely, hurting Christmas times for me and probably for all of you. Some are experiencing it right now. The loss of loved ones. Broken relationships, dreams unfulfilled, heartache, & loneliness. All of these seemingly amplified for the season. There were many years that beginning with my birthday in early November I longed for the resources to be able to pack away to a isolated cabin in the mountains & not return till after New Years Day. The Christmas of excitement and anticipation of my youth had transitioned to a time of year I truly hated. Many years I put my energy into trying to persevere for a small child's sake. Some years the darkness of depression was so great that I came up woefully short.

This is a Christmas where two of my biggest dreams come to pass.  This is Julie & my third Christmas together. Our second as husband and wife, and so very much more. I use to dream and wonder will my novel be under someone's Christmas Tree next year. I will wonder no longer. That will happen in many homes. One thing I have understood long before I turned the wheel of my life over to my Father is that I know without question that it is the simple things in life that are truly what matters. It is not the mansion on the hill. It is not gifts of the latest fashion and technology trends.  It is what and who we hold dear in our hearts. My favorite scripture even during the years I rarely picked the Bible up has been and still is, Luke 12:34. For where your heart is... there lies your treasure as well.

Teaching the word is not something I am equipped to do. So forgive my uneducated interpretation of this scripture... Don't get bogged down in the things of this life that are just so much fluff. Hold on to what is dear. Those that you love. Those that you can encourage. Enjoy the simple things of life. They really are more than all things that glitter.

Yesterday, I met an older man at the gym. He shared with me that he was at a diner he often visits for breakfast. There was a young girl who often waits on him. He could tell she was upset and he asked why. He did not share all the details of their conversation but he did tell me that she told him that she has a small child and a husband in prison. He listened and he hugged her and told her he loved her. He showed her real Christianity.

I have a dear friend who has struggled gracefully with cancer this year. He is now cancer free. He was encouraged by many and he shared that being an encourager is the greatest gift of all.

So for many of us this is a great time of year. But many will be going through difficult times. If we truly believe that God resides inside of us, let us find some way to encourage those that are lonely, hurting, lost. Let's don't pass them by in search of the perfect gift that does not really exist.

I share this last thing with you not to brag on myself for a simple text. But I would be willing to wager that in the years to come that my wife might not recall the gifts I gave her this Christmas but I bet you she will remember the text I sent.

Think about it... 

Merry Christmas to all of you. May God bless and comfort you during this season. He really does loves you.

7 Hour Coffee With Julie

Two years ago my life changed with a simple invitation for coffee. We had talked about getting together for coffee previously, but I never followed through. This woman I met at church was several years younger. She was 38 and I was one week shy of turning 56. I know. This is the part where you roll your eyes and say, "Sure, younger woman. That is just what all men want."

But to me this was a lot of age difference. Do you do what I often do? You doom things as a failure before you even get to the place to find out what is in store. Each time we talked the conversations were so easy. You know that feeling like you have talked for an hour when it seems not even ten minutes have passed? It was that way each time.

I told one person, my little sister Katie,  that I was meeting a young lady at Hugh MacRae Park for coffee. I followed this up with one of my astute questions.  "I don't know if coffee is just coffee or is it something else?" She lightened the mood with a quote from one of our favorite movies, Goodwill Hunting, by Matt Damon.

Great, or maybe we could get together and just eat a bunch of caramels. When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee. 

I think after that she said, "Just go have coffee." I comforted myself by thinking that coffee was probably just coffee and someone wanting to talk about God with me. There is no way this young, pretty, genuine, warm, woman had an interest in me.



We met at the Park by the pond area. Early in the conversation she told me something from my Facebook Page. She had been snooping and I called her out on it. She smiled and said, "Yes, I did. I wanted to know what your friends said about you." Well, this was more than coffee or eating a bunch of caramels.

Three hours later she asked what time it was and I looked at my watch. It was one o'clock. We both thought that maybe thirty minutes had passed. Coffee led to lunch. It was near five that afternoon when we parted ways. Today it is referred to with a smile as the, "Seven hour coffee."

I had a lot of failed relationships in my past. Some that I walked away from and some that walked away from me. A couple of them hurt deeply. Horace Hilton once told me that rejected love was among the most difficult event one could know in this life. I'm certain that as a minister for decades he saw much of it.

Sometimes in the quiet of night as Julie sleeps soundly, I will look at her and I can't believe that God sent someone into my life that not only loves me when all is well. I have had that many times. She loves me when that dark hole starts pulling at me. She fights for me. She sees more good in me than I ever do. 

And as I whisper my thanks to God. I thank Him also for the broken relationships that I thought I needed so badly. I thank Him for the heartache, as difficult as it was. Because Julie, exceeds all the dreams I ever had in a woman. And that is no small feat.


Happy Anniversary Baby. October 26 means as much to me as April 6 does, maybe even more. I got out of the way and took a chance at coffee. I could not be happier with that decision.

Love,
Billy

I have become a fan of late of the music of Rascal Flatts. This one sums up this little blog better than I could.

 

Raw Honesty

 Mark 9:24 "I do believe; help my unbelief."

This is a portion of one of my favorite scriptures. The man is requesting of Jesus to help his son. Imagine that for a moment. You want your faith to be strong but in that moment he is real, vulnerable, desperate, & most importantly, he is brutally honest. In one moment, he says he believes & then quickly contradicts that statement.

One word comes to mind for me when I read this passage. Raw. The man displays raw honesty to Jesus. Did he get criticized for a lack of faith?  Is there anything in the scriptures to show Jesus was even mildly disappointed in him? No, and Jesus delivered his son.

I believe that being honest with God, even if we are weak, angry, disillusioned- take your pick is what he desires of us. Besides, can any of us fool God? Can we hide where he can't see?

Anger has been such a part of my life for so long that while I have made strides there are times when I go back to what I know.Last week, our lives were interrupted with a Sunday, 3:31 a.m. phone call telling us Sydny, our beloved little black, chihuahua mix, had passed away after what was deemed a successful surgery. My wife, Julie, and I cried, we prayed, we sought answers, we grieved.  We still are grieving.

I had prayed so diligently over that little guy. I even anointed his little head with oil. Many others joined us in prayers. I spent a significant amount of money trying to ensure he would be with us a few more years. Just that morning he was chasing the annoying neighbor's cat off the porch. It was so hard to accept how quickly he went. We blamed ourselves. What if I would have taken him to the vet the first sign of him throwing up? Julie, was doing a side job for a friend. She blamed herself for not coming home sooner. In the end I believe there were other things going on with him that were not so evident at the time. In short, there was nothing we could have done.

It was around Day 3 that I became angry. I was angry at God for not hearing me. My wife needed me to console her. I tried but the problem is for so many years when pain comes I crawl inside of my pain and in my anger I shut the world out. It pains me to say this is who I am. As long as life is moving forward with the normal ups and downs I am pretty good. I keep my faith, my hope, but when I hurt deeply I revert back to what I know. 

It is not as if the anger fixes anything but it seems to pull me through. Lashing out at God both in loud and silent ways. The silent way was to forget morning devotion. Forget praying because my faith was spent. 

It has been both a blessing and a curse that I met Jesus on a dark road one night. He showed up unannounced & spoke. The blessing in that is that regardless of how far I ran away from him at times, I knew him to be real. There was no escaping what transpired that September night, in 1976. The curse is my life with him that began with such a powerful, supernatural moment, is I know there to be no limit to his power. So, I want him to use it more frequently.

One thing I am certain about in all this is that God is not angry at me because I was mad with him. I believe he would rather hear our raw honesty above all else. Now, he certainly wants me to break this behavior pattern and I do as well. But so far I have not been able to live the Casting Crowns song, Praise You in the Storm. 

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away 

Pain will surely come again to me. You can't protect yourself from it. I know because I have tried. I have a dug a grave for three dogs in my life and each time I feel like a part of me went down that hole with them. This was the first one in almost twenty years. My choice would be to never do it again. I made that decision when I buried Pete, my black lab mix, on Christmas Eve night, in 1994.


My hope one day in this walk is that when pain & heartache come that the first thing I will do is to praise him in the midst of it. I will press into him. I surely have a long way to go as evident by the last week.

Many of you have referenced the Rainbow Bridge, of our beloved pets crossing over. I sure hope that is the case. I can't be certain but I want to believe that Pete & Sydny are playing together, and I will see them again, this time forever.

My Life (with a portion of Jesus on the side)

 
Recently, I heard a minister say that we want to live our lives with a portion of Jesus on the side. Wow!

We choose, decide, live our life our way. We say our prayers at night, attend church when it fits in our schedule, make choices we know are wrong, while asking God to bless them, read the Bible on occasion & if we stumble across scriptures that don't coincide with our lifestyle we conveniently look for something a little more uplifting, or we try to change Jesus to a more modern version for our comfort. Cherry picking the scriptures is the term my wife often uses.


If I were to ask you what is the most important word in the scripture Matthew 6:33.  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. What would be your answer?

The key word for me is first. I did not want to do that for most of my life & I surely fail to do it each day now.What I have learned & know to be true is God has no interest in being second place or less. It does not mean He does not love us, listen to us, but this behavior is as old as the most ancient scriptures. Idols in our life do not work. And I believe anything we place in front of Him is an idol. It does not have to be something evil. It could be a good thing that you care more about than God. Take your pick.

I am certainly no teacher of the scriptures. But you know what I believe is at the root of our living our life, asking God to bless us & grant us good things, while chasing what we desire? Cause deep down we don't think our Father desires good things for us. I was that way. But, God, I want this woman, this dream, this job, & you probably don't want me to have it. And you know that is probably right. He probably does not want us to have all our dreams and desires. Maybe, just maybe, He wants to give you different but better.

Last week I was interviewed on Dove Radio by Dale Miller. I shared that the two great desires of my heart were the right woman & a publishing contract. Last year both were granted within five months of each other but only after I let go of the wheel  the previous year & said, "Whatever the path You want me to walk I will do it." Dale followed this up with such powerful words. He said how we think if we do it God's way it will mean less when in all actuality it means more.

During a very depressed time in my life a doctor shared these scriptures. Matthew 7:9-11. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? 10“Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? 11“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to 
those who ask Him! 

I  heard the words but I did not allow them to take root in my heart. There is still that part in most of us that struggle to believe our Father wants to lavish upon us. In all truthfulness, I am struggling right now with that. So many closed doors recently, while I try to find the patience to wait on God to open the right door.

Easy all the time this life is not. But regardless of our circumstances I am going to seek first the kingdom of God, & His righteousness, & when I fail, I will go back to this & start over.


"The Christian life is so difficult because we seek God's blessings while we live in our own will! We would be glad to live the Christian life according to our own liking."

Absolute Surrender  by Andrew Murrey.

  Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever

God Smiling

I had one of those moments last night when you know God knows what it is in store for you & is probably smiling.

During a frustrating time for me this past week, my wife, Julie, shared what she thought I should be doing, & even shared the scriptures of Gideon & his story in the OT, (Judges). I was frustrated for doors that I thought surely would be open & have proven not to be. She told me I should rest and allow God to open the doors He chooses and that until I got out of the way & rested these doors would not open.

We went to Lifepoint Church yesterday evening & guess what the message was based on? The exact same thing my wife had been telling me all week. Guess what scriptures the message was based on? Gideon, Judges, I shook my head as my wife smiled beautifully at me, with the confidence that she was in tune with the Holy Spirit, even if her husband was not at that moment.

And then I heard my Father whisper something to me. I have told Julie I have not heard his voice this year that I know of. I mean that supernatural whisper where you know it is Him. I share this carefully & I am never one to say God said this. God told me to do this.

Let's be real. It is far to easy for us to want something so bad that we convince ourselves that God has spoken to us. I love reading Mark Batterson. He often alludes to the inverted gospel. The gospel where we chase and do what we want & then ask God to come in behind us & bless it.

I have surely done it. My life drastically changed when I began praying earnestly in any pursuit. God, open the doors you would have open & close the ones you would have closed. Regardless, of how much I desire them to be open.

God really does have our best interests at heart & it took me over five decades of life to trust that & even then as in last week I mess up. I want to force things to happen. Do it under my own steam.

So here I am God. I will rest & wait on you.

Please visit & like  my author page on Facebook.    https://www.facebook.com/AuthorBillyBeasley

They Gonna Hate Anyway

Recently, a friend told me how this person in their life talks down to them in the company of others, & behind their back. A third person noticed this behavior & asked my friend why this person would do that. My friend did not bash the offender. They handled the situation with grace & forgiveness.

I was lifting weights this morning and listening to Mary J. Blige. (yes i do on occasion) The song "Work That" was playing & the lyrics in bold below brought the conversation back to light. Don't we all have or have had people in our life that live these lyrics? It is really sad because most the time they lack the honesty to recognize their behavior.


Let em get mad
They gonna hate anyway
Don't you get that?
Doesn't matter if you're going on with their plan
They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves 

People often quote John 8:32  And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Obviously, Jesus is the truth. But a truth I believe we must reach is the ability to be honest with ourselves. Only then can we truly experience what God has for us. He surely will not force us. He sends whispers, people, maybe even bolts of lightning, but still it is our decision to look inside. We have to be willing, (gasp) to be wrong.

I have more faults than I have time in this life to write about. But I have something special inside of me I would not trade for silver or gold. I can look inside. I can be wrong. I can apologize when I am. Maybe I learned that in reverse from my dad.  

This morning, Julie & I, were praying before she went to work as we try to do everyday. I prayed about many things but I thanked God for our marriage. For the gift we have in each other. I thanked him specifically that we both apologize easily and grant forgiveness freely. I don't know in a marriage what could be more important.

Think about the lyrics to the song. Sometimes you just have to back away if possible. Maybe it is a work situation & you can't. Just try to recognize that it is more about them than it is anything to do with you.

I can get bogged down with people like this. But in time I make it back to being grateful for the people I have in my life who share any triumph I have as if it were their very own.

They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves 

There is hope though for these people. They can be happy with themselves & others. Because the truth will indeed set us free. Make us new people. A new creation. I am getting close to 60 years of age. I have run the streets till dawn. Many high flying experiences. Done things that if I wrote the truth it would be considered fiction.

And the truth is I am happier right now than ever. More at peace than ever. It is not even close. Julie receives a lot of the credit from others & from me. And rightfully so. But it goes far deeper than her. If I would have not reached that moment where I looked inside truthfully and said, "God, I am tired. Tired of doing it my way. Chasing my dreams. I will walk the path you lay out." If not for that she would have never entered a relationship with me. She is a woman of God and he comes first. And I would have it no other way.

So when people can't be happy for you, or they need to prop themselves up by standing on the backs of others. Just realize it is not about you. It is about them.  And you can't fix it.

If Churches Meant the Songs They Sing

This past weekend we attended Beach Blast in Myrtle Beach. Our main reason for going was the four of us love the musical group, Jesus Culture. They did not disappoint. They don't just perform. They worship and with that worship they pull down the Holy Spirit.

One song in particular, Holy Spirit You are Welcome Here,  really made me think. Check these lyrics out.

 Holy Spirit you are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence Lord

What if churches not only sang this song but literally meant it?


But I am pretty certain we must really mean we welcome the Holy Spirit, and not on our terms but God's. We might have to let go of ritual, tradition, and our comfort levels. What a concept if churches were led by the Holy Spirit and not just on occasion. Not your minister, elders, the ones that give the most money, the ones that complain the most, but a church really plugged in and willing to not only invite the Holy Spirit but to give free reign. Is it possible? I believe so but some hard truths would have to be dealt with. I can think of a few.

Church staff would have to trust God and not their salary provided by the church. That is tough. They have families to feed as well, right? What about music? The very way many of us express worship the most. Sadly, it is as big a divider in church as anything I can think of. The music is too loud. The music is too tame. I don't like hymns. I only want hymns. We have traditional and contemporary services because of music. In essence we create two churches within in one church. Is that really what Jesus wants for His church?

I love my church but I struggle with it. We talked about implementing changes years ago. I never forget one  person saying, "There are two types of churches, relevant and irrelevant. We have to decide what we want to be." Years later we still have not decided. Sadly, that is a decision in itself.

Many years ago I was told this joke.

It is Sunday morning and a man who had to much to drink the night before is sitting on the sidewalk. A nice car comes to a stop beside him and the man driving asks, "Sir, could you direct us to the Church of God?"

The man scratches his chin, deep in thought. "The Methodist Church is two blocks east, but the Jones' family owns that. The Baptist Church is one block west but the Smith family runs that. Mister, come to think of it I don't really know of a church God owns around here."

A long time ago the most spiritual man I ever knew, Horace Hilton, left a large church, to come Shepherd a church with fifty members. It was a traditional Presbyterian Church. He came with a message of the baptism in the Holy Spirit. Pretty radical message for that time. I asked him once, "How many members left?"

He responded. "About half stayed and half left." The church grew dramatically because he was following the Holy Spirit. He did not get  hung up over people who got angry and left, and yes took their tithes with them. He trusted the vision that he was shown. Soon, that little church was the most relevant church in the area.  

Think about it.


 Holy Spirit you are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence Lord

The Foundation & Getting it Right

I am in my mid fifties and I have been married for a little over one year. Like many of us I had a string of failed relationships behind me. I had spent quite a bit of time alone in the past few years and I reached a place where I told God, "I don't want to be alone the rest of my life but if it is not something you are on board with I don't want any part of it because it will fail like all the others." I actually meant that when I said it. Because, let's be honest, don't we often charge down the path of our choosing and then ask God to bless it after the fact? I'm not saying he can't or won't, but it took me a long time to realize it is much wiser to bring him in earlier rather than later.

My wife, Julie, and I met at church where I jokingly say she barged across the front of the church and introduced herself and life was never the same. We had that wonderful initial mutual attraction where your emotions run wild and you miss that person the moment they depart. We even had a supernatural moment where we knew that God was on board if we chose to go forward. It was still our choice. We could have chosen to hang on to past hurts and future fears.

We prayed a lot together. We also shared unpleasant things about our past, about ourselves. That is hard isn't it? You are falling for this person and you don't want to give them pause. I often said to her. "Let's put all our chips on the table. Let's find out early if there is a deal breaker."

So that was our foundation. Honesty, not just about the good stuff we like to share, but the stuff we still have scars from. The things that we are still uncertain about.  By choosing to do this something almost as wonderful as falling in love with each other occurred.  By sharing those difficult things we found a safe place with each other and we helped heal each other of past hurts.

I am no one to counsel anyone. But even I know honesty is the only good way to build anything worthwhile. Push through that fear of hiding things, of ignoring that little voice in your spirit that keeps you from having peace.

I have written about a foundation, a beginning, so maybe many of you might think that this could not apply to you. I beg to differ, because I believe in a God of second chances. I believe you can choose to start over and not with someone else. You can choose to build the foundation fresh, even if it means first taking a sledgehammer to the previous foundation.

You have to be honest. You have to be able to handle truth. And the best advice I can give is when it feels like it is going astray, get down on your knees together and pray. God bless all of you.

 http://www.amazon.com/dp/1610091361

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorBillyBeasley

Billy Beasley resides in Carolina Beach, NC with his wife Julie, and one spoiled rotten black Chihuahua mix, Sydny. He has lived in this area of southeastern North Carolina his entire life and many years ago was among the very first students to be bused to another school to achieve real integration.

He shares two simple beliefs with his favorite character in this novel. Faith in God and a conviction that ‘hearts have no color’.

The River Hideaway is his first published work of fiction.