Finding Hope in the Darkness

https://www.pandorasboxjt.com/single-post/2018/09/09/Sunday-Inspiration-Finding-Hope-in-the-Darkness

What Color Christian Are You?

As a little boy, growing up in the South in a Southern Baptist Church. I recall one Sunday morning sitting in church, our city gripped in racial turmoil. I can't recall any message that day though I would venture a guess that restraint & prayer was part of the message. What was not a part of the message was let's open our doors to anyone regardless of the color of their skin. Let's go meet with other churches of the area that are just as segregated as we are & talk.

I remember sitting in that long uncomfortable pew thinking isn't this where we should seek peace? I knew in my heart we were talking about the same God & even as a child it resonated with me that church should be a place of peace & not division. Specifically I remember thinking, "Isn't this where we should all come together?"

I told no one of course. I was after all a small child & I grew up in the South as a white boy & I was guilty of many of the same stereotypes that if not taught directly certainly were not discouraged.

It still disturbs me that in my childhood the church taught racism-again if not directly-they certainly did nothing to discourage it. I recall my mother telling about a traveling choir coming for a visit with one person of color & people left-even some of the deacons of the church. People that perceived themselves as very religious. They had followed all the steps to salvation. They held positions in the church yet held this notion of separation in their hearts. I even heard it said many times, "Well, of course Jesus loves them but we are to stick to our own kind." I guess they taught us to sing Jesus loves the little children but we were not suppose to live it.

Why was this in me as a little boy to make such an observation? Coming together in church? God knew one day that He would reach out & touch me in dramatic fashion. I emerged from my Damascus Road in my nineteenth year & without explanation I knew & accepted in my heart that God sees no color. He does not view me as his white, Christian child. He views me as  his child. Period. That is who I am. I am a child of God. Scripture, if you believe in that & I surely do, substantiates that.

Fast forward to today & like many I am troubled by the events in Charlottesville this weekend. Hate has no part of Christianity. How can anyone in their right mind say I love my God while hating another person? 

What disturbs me greatly & not just this weekend but for quite some time now are these statements by Christians saying the White Evangelicals or the Black Evangelicals, White Christian Church, Black Christian Church needs to do this or that. People I love have said this. It breaks my heart. Should we not follow God in the way He does things? Do you think our Father in Heaven looks down upon this mess & says, "My White Evangelical Church, My Black Evangelical Church. My White, Black, Church." There is no way that can be true. Not the God I know intimately. We are His children. End of sentence. No other descriptions & for the love of our God no labels.

I love to tell the story about a visiting minister we had at Lifepoint a few years back. He is pastor of a church in Baltimore. God told him to integrate his church. He followed that direction & he was met with quite a bit of resistance. Some members departed. Some in his family left. He proudly stood before us & stated that their church is now 20% integrated. You with me? Here is the part that I love to tell when people are listening. He was pastor of an African-American Church.

Great story but I wish we were beyond stories like that.  Are we still a church of a certain color as we were in my youth? Why have we all not moved beyond that time?

I don't have all the answers but I know division & labeling is not a cure for anything. I do know who has the answers & we should be seeking Him for guidance. Forget any wrong teachings we were raised in. I have. 

My most proud line in The River Hideaway, "Hearts Have No Color." I believe it & I will live it till the day I die. 

If you feel the need to label me as a White, Evangelical Christian, feel free but that is not how God sees me & it is certainly not how I view myself. I am a child of God.

Be part of the solution-not part of the division. 

Let's remember who the Church belongs too. It belongs to Jesus Christ. 

Marriage Should Be Work?

I never cared for the relationship advice about how you had to work at it. Don't get me wrong. I understand the premise, but it always made it sound more like a job to me. Relationships while none are perfect should be fun & enjoyable..If not, I am not sure what the point is.

As Julie was backing out the drive this morning & both of us giggling about my silly antics. I thought about all the laughter we share with each other. How we are grateful for new opportunities that will allow us to spend more time together.

It is no secret that I have been around the block a few times but once I let go of what I thought I needed, God provided me with more than I could ever dream of with Julie. And Julie was & is His child. A child He loves dearly.

I think it is safe to say we have all charged down paths we knew not to be good for us with the thinking that we will invite God in on the back end of our deal. This above tweet from Christine Caine I found to be very succinct & powerful. 

God is not obligated to sustain what He did not orchestrate.

I lived like this most of my life. Charging ahead from one adventure to another & always leaving God on the outside of what I desired. I fully intended to bring Him in on the back end after I got everything I wanted.

Big shocker here. It was an epic fail. 

But I reached a point when everything I had tried failed. It is like all the years I spent coaching kids in the great sport of basketball. One of our favorite things that my assistant coach, Richard Mears & I said to kids so frequently that I am sure they rolled their eyes at us. "Good habits breed good habits & bad habits breed bad habits." For example, you have a kid who has repeated a bad habit so often that it feels natural to him. You try to convince him to change because he lacks proper form. His complaint would be it does not feel right. My response was, "But your way is not working. What do you have to lose?"

That was me. I reached a point where I had to come to grips that my way was not working. I trusted my thinking of what was right for me more than I trusted God. 

"God, I do not wish to be alone forever but if You are not in it I would rather remain alone for the rest of my life because it will fail like all the rest." That was the place I finally reached.

I don't know that anyone that knew Julie & I before we begin to date that would have said, "Now they would make a great match." But yet looking back I have no doubts that God was preparing both of us for our eventual meeting. 

I have been very blessed on occasion to have witnessed the Supernatural works of the Holy Spirit. Times when I knew without question it was as the wonderful Christian Author, Mark Batterson wrote, "Sometimes God shows up. Sometimes God shows off."

Two months before I met Julie I was in the shower. Don't you love how God does not stand on pretense? He wants to come in it & does not matter what you might be doing. 

As clear as someone in the room speaking to me I heard. "Get your house in order." What? What does that mean? I thought about it for several days and then I kind of forgot about it.

Fast forward a few months & Julie & I are on our third date & it is the first time she was in my house. She was seated at the kitchen table and I went in the back for something & I felt that tug & reminder of what I heard in the shower that day. 

I sat down next to her & shared the story. Her eyes glazed over & she made me repeat it again. "Say that again. Just like you said it the first time."

I did. She shook her head. "I heard that same thing recently. In fact, I heard it multiple times. I asked God what it meant and He said, The man I have for you is coming and he is coming quickly." She had been alone for ten years waiting on her Boaz. 

I don't remember anymore of our conversation that day. What we both took away was that God made it clear that if our two paths merged to one-He would be on board. He would bless us. We still had to sort through things because we both had our share of scars. We are not robots. We did not rush right out & get married because God showed us something.  

There was an age difference that I was not comfortable with but you know it was more than that. I knew Julie to be the far better Christian than me. That is still true today. I was not sure I deserved her. I was not certain I was a good enough man for her. There is not a week that goes by that I don't say, "God, I do not deserve my wife but I am not returning the gift that You gave me." 

That is what Julie is to me. A gift from our Father.

Last night as I sat on the porch waiting for Julie to come home I felt a sadness & I drifted to questioning myself, which I am apt to do. I have always been my own worse critic. I found encouragement as I sorted through my thoughts when I came to a simple fact. 

God trusted me with his precious child that He loves dearly. He thought I was the right man for Julie. Me. He thought I was good enough for her. He did not think it. He is God and He knows it.

It encouraged me because if He thought I was good enough for Julie-why should I question that? Question Him?

I still wrestle at times like many of us that say in our mind we know God loves us but it does not always make the journey to our heart. Why is it I can see Julie as someone that God loves dearly & not so much myself? Just because I may view Julie as more deserving of God's love does not mean that is how it is. 

I was given a gift by my Father. Wow! I am closing in on a pretty big number. I will be sixty years old in another year. We have been married now for over two years & we have been together almost three years. Our first date. The seven hour coffee as it is referred to now is just around the corner. Next Monday, October 26.Hopefully, when people see us together they say, "Wow. If that is not God I don't know what it could be."

Gifts are suppose to be fun, right? So are relationships.

My gift, Julie. I love you Baby.
Happy 3 years (almost) 

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The Simple Things

Many years ago, I shared with someone that if God came down from the Heavens & preached a fifteen minute sermon that I felt reasonably sure He would encourage us to simplify our lives. The person I shared this with took it personally, though I did not mean it that way, & I surely included myself among those needing to remove the clutter from our lives. She wanted to know how she could do that with all that was on her plate. She had a good point. Still, I am pretty certain most of us could purge some of the weight from our lives. We could choose to live a more simple lifestyle. We could enjoy hobbies without being consumed by them. We could venture outside, walk a trail, and appreciate all the things God has granted us for free. I  have to confess that is a big deal for Julie and I right now as my leg is in a cast and walking from one end of our modest home to the other, aided by crutches is about the extent of my journey. A walk in the woods right now would probably reduce me to tears of gratefulness.

We all reminisce about special times and moments in our life. I would wager that these treasured memories are for the most part about simple times in our lives.

Recently, I sat on the porch during a driving rainstorm, reading a fictional novel. One of my simple areas of enjoyment. We have a new family that has moved in across the street and I got the biggest kick out of their kids. They were riding their bicycles in the cul-de-sac. It was raining so hard that it was probably four to six inches deep at one time. They were having a blast. Their parents stood on the top deck watching and allowing their kids this freedom.  The rain passed & the kids began shouting, "It's a double rainbow."

The kids took me back to some of the good places of my childhood. Playing stick-ball in the street with Rick Phipps for hours at a time. Retrieving soft drink bottles for that whopping two cent deposit. Taking them to the store and on a good day maybe receiving over two dollars from the store owner. Spending some of that money on baseball card packs and hoping that Willie Mays was in one of my treasured packs. The basketball court at the Phipps home, courtesy of his wonderful dad, Richard. Many grown ups today will tell you that they never played the wonderful game of basketball in another place that they enjoyed as much as those games we participated in as kids. Mr. Phipps has kept that court up, long after his sons, Rick & Al were adults living in other cities. Why would he choose to keep that court in working order when there are no games to be played? Because it has proven a long time treasured memory for him as well.

We had two channels on television during this time. No video games. No cell phones. Fast food was a rare treat. I still recall Mom allowing me to have three hamburgers at Hardee's occasionally. They were fifteen cents each. How tragic a life we kids lived, right? It was anything but that. We did not feel deprived. We had a baseball field near the Phipps and Strickland's homes that was built for semi pro baseball games on Sunday. Yet, another treat in a simpler time. You know who enjoyed that field the most? The adults only used it on Sunday afternoon for a few hours. The rest of the week it was ours. We played whatever sport was in season all day long and we had no kids that I can recall in our neighborhood struggling with weight issues. Regardless of our high calorie and sugar intake we burned it all off. The only thing that got in our way was the occasional yard work mandated by our parents. Okay, that is not a treasured memory.

I don't mean to sound like an old guy living in the past. Like most of you I have way too much technology in my life these day. Worries that can consume me when I allow them too.

And just as when we were kids aren't our treasured adult times built around simple things? Two and a half years ago, Julie and I chose for a honeymoon site a small one bedroom cabin with a beautiful mountain view, on the outskirts of Stone Mountain State Park. It was inexpensive and very simple. There were no fancy restaurants nearby and I doubt we would have chosen to go if there were. There was a charcoal grill and a hot tub right outside the front door. We spent the days exploring the Park. The only requirement was to keep putting one foot in front of the other as we walked to the top. Walking back down we took the leisurely longer trail that included waterfalls. My favorite aspect of the mountains.

On our last night I planned a fancy dinner. My surprise to her. I prepared our food to take with us, along with a bottle of wine. There was a waterfall in the Park that was just off the road, requiring little but a simple walk to reach. We sat by the waterfall and enjoyed dinner, and each other. I don't mean this disparagingly to anyone. We all have different things we enjoy, but for this simple boy you can keep your five star restaurants and their presentations. Who in the world can eat presentations? That evening by the waterfall was our kind of dinner and we won't forget it. It will always be a treasure.

So if we, and please note I say, we, including myself in this life that we allow to become so confusing with our wants & expectations. If our treasured memories are around simple things why do we chase things in life that are anything but? Why are we not building more memories of cherished less complex times? It is not too late.

Watching those kids yesterday also reminded me of when my son, Micah was little. Micah always loved movies & often our simple enjoyment was movie night. Pizza, popcorn, and a movie or two in the comforts of whatever home we were living in at the time. Even going to the small video store to pick up the movies is a treasured memory. There was a wonderful man, Ben, who worked there & he had a voice so low, so powerful, that it brings James Earl Jones to mind. If I ran into him outside of the store in a crowded area it seemed he only had to whisper across people, "Hey, big guy. How are you doing?" I would smile and say, "Ben."

One day as I was picking out our movie, Micah was playing the pin ball machine at the front of the store. I had given him money on the way in as he asked if he could play it. Sometimes, it took awhile to find a movie as we were frequent customers & we watched movies as fast or faster as the new ones that were suitable for viewing arrived. I finally found a movie, paid Ben, & we left the store. On the drive home I said, "Micah, you played a long time on the money I gave you for the pin ball machine."

His response was, "I ran out of money & Ben walked around from behind the counter & put more money in the machine." Ben never said a word as he performed this task. A simple gesture for a small child that spoke to his gentle nature. It was my small child & Ben probably thought nothing of it but I have never forgotten that. It is a cherished simple memory that is stored away in my heart.

I will wager that as Micah ages he will hold dear to movie nights & other simple times that we shared together just as Rick & I still talk about stick-ball games that lasted for hours decades ago. I sure hope he does.

Luke 12:34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.


Let's go build some simple treasures. Maybe I can find a way to do it even while hobbled by these dang crutches & a surgically repaired ankle. Have a great day.

 

Damascus Road

It was an early September night, and the young man was walking down the long dark road near his home. He was actually not high on this night, which was no small miracle. For reasons, he would never understand, but never forget, he walked with an eye toward the stars. He had no particular destination in mind. Perhaps, he might find the right place to get high.

He never fit in anywhere. Always feeling like the outcast, until he discovered the drug culture & free love of subsequent lost souls. He had entered the party life early. Drinking before he was fifteen. Soon afterwards, he discovered his God, in the form of marijuana. In time, every drug of that time he would abuse but strangely never have any addiction problems.

He came to the end of the road that he lived on and turned left. To this day he can show you exactly where he was when it all changed dramatically. The moment when life would never be the same, even in the years that followed, when he tried in vain to forget the reality of that night.

He would never forget the intricate details of that night. First came a whoosh. It was an incredible sensation that ran from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. Then the words. Words that were never thought about or formed in his mind. Strangely, one lone tear ran down his left cheek. He always thought that odd.

"Come & admit you're wrong. Come & sing My glorious song."

He never ceased walking the entire time. It is a few steps later, when he strains to look to the Heavens & ask a question that he already knows the answer to.

"God, is that You?" 

The realization sets in.

"Oh, my God. You are real. All my life I heard You were but You are actually real. Oh, my God."  

He was very naive. He began to tell people of the event, thinking they would know it was true, but eyes began to roll & few wanted to hear it. Surely, the good people at church will love to hear this. Sadly, that was for the most part another dead end. They did not believe in that night, or that his transformation was real. Maybe they thought he was beyond redemption.

He had assumed that what occurred that night was something that happened often.  So, he did not run up an aisle at Church. Does that make it less real?

The dramatic transformation was too much and the frustrations & subsequent horrible decisions he made eventually drove him to curse that night. "Why, did You not just leave me alone?" The biggest lie he began to believe was that that night was little to do with him. It was merely answered prayers for his mom. He knew God loved her enough to answer her prayers about her wayward son, but he did not believe in God's love for him.

It took many years for him to return to God. He still searches for answers concerning that night. Some answers he realizes now. A dear friend, who upon hearing the story for the first time nearly forty years later said about the treatment he received from the people of the church. "I think their behavior says more about them than it ever did about you."

Very recently it dawned on him about these words he heard that night. Sing My glorious song. He grew up in church, where it was more about what you should or should not do. It was not so much about worship. He realized that was what God was saying that night. Worship Me. God wanted him free to worship. Not bogged down in religion.

He thought of something recently about that time of transformation that had not had cross his mind in decades. He was on probation at the time of the Damascus Road. It was several months later when his probation officer called and demanded he be in the office the next day.

He thought it strange but he was not worried & he knew for the first time in years if it was about a drug test he would pass.

The young man entered the office the next day as ordered. The man got right to the point. He had the most spiritual dream. A vision. He wanted to discuss it with the criminal that sat in front of him. Someone that might not think that he was crazy.

That One Thing

We like the illusion of control in our lives, don't we? That is all control is... an illusion. I believe that control factor keeps many of us from turning the wheel of this life completely over to God. It is like we have a list. Okay God, this, this, & that can go, but I need this.

I have shared previously about my cliche of driving down the road & saying, "Lord, You take the wheel. Whatever the path is that you lay out for me I will walk it even if I have to surrender my dreams."  Despite having lived this I still want to take over the wheel at times. Why, I do not know. My Father has proven to be a far more capable driver of my life than I am.

A very wise spiritual woman shared something with me one day I have never forgotten. Carol spoke of someone who was giving nearly every part of their life to God but there was one thing that even though they knew it to be wrong they refused to surrender. That last thing is the one thing many of us will grasp so tightly & we refuse to give it up. We either think it so defines us or maybe we believe we know better than God what we need in our lives. I was the poster child for this behavior. It is pretty arrogant when you think of it, right? I mean to think that any of us know better than the almighty God.

I believe in the light of God without question & I am also very aware of the darkness of this world. Sometimes, it appears as if that is all that surrounds us. It is easy to lose hope. The scriptures are mocked & sadly many churches have succumbed to downgrading the Bible if it dare offend someone. It is Church Lite at its finest. Leaders pat people on the back & tell the congregation what they want to hear. They forget the importance that Jesus placed on scriptures-downplaying it by saying that was for that time. It brings to mind a scripture I read again not too long ago & actually just heard on television when I walked in the kitchen for a protein shake.

2 Timothy 4:3 For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.


One of my favorite scriptures even when I was far from God is Hebrews 13:8. There was comfort that I could count on Him to remain the same.  


Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

I wrote a blog over two years ago about how God is the potter & I am the clay. But isn't it human nature to try to spin that the other way? I sure did. I suspect most if not all of us have at one point or another. 


Malachi 3:6 For I the LORD do not change...

Please don't think I am an advocate for fundamental religion that spends more time & energy making sure everyone knows what their church is against. Not so much what it is for.  Big booming voices that like to put on a show.


Sometimes, & I have no excuse for this. I catch myself saying they won't change. This circumstance is too rooted in darkness. Then I hear that whisper. "Have you forgotten how trapped in darkness that you were? Do you remember the lost young man that I appeared to on a lonely dark street one night?"

So if there was hope for me there is indeed hope for all.

That one last thing we cling to so fiercely. I think I know why. Because the evil one knows that once we let go of that he has lost the battle. It is over. So he will bring every thing he can against us.

I hung on to my desire to have the right woman first & to have my dream of being a published author. "Let me have those, God. Then I will surrender." The truth is I would still have hung on to what I wanted even if I found those dreams. I trusted myself more with my happiness than I trusted God.There will always be one more thing to cling to. I now trust God more than I trust myself. I trust my relationship with Him more than I trust rules & regulations. I am a simple man & I continue to believe the more of Jesus I invite to reside in my heart the less I will speculate about rights & wrongs. That tiny voice will guide me. Oh, sure I will get off track during times when it seems I am on earth & God is on Pluto. I felt that way recently. Julie & I were both struggling so much with disappointment. It reached a pinnacle one day when we both woke not wanting to face the day. I have struggled with depression most of my life. Two major bouts almost took my life when I made decisions that left me emotionally exhausted. You know the worse part of those battles? It was that first waking moment when you knew you had to somehow try to manage another day. One night, during the last severe battle of depression in 2001, I parked the car in the garage. I was drunk & listening to Jackson Browne on the CD player. I thought maybe if I just drift off to sleep it won't really be suicide. I don't know if I nodded off or not. I do recall that even though I was so angry at God that I wanted nothing to do with Him that in hind sight he sent to me the one image that would persuade me to shut the engine off & walk inside. It appeared from nowhere. The image of my beautiful son, Micah's face. I did not want to live but I also knew that he might never recover if I did not cut the car off right then. I turned the key & lived for another day, a day when the intense pain & disappointment of this life would fade away. It was not easy & I could not take any medication because I suffered such severe side effects. One day the dense fog rolled out. I lived in fear for a long time that it would return but it never did. Not in that manner or intensity.

So on that morning we woke to despair & disappointment I finally had the good sense to lead my family. I took Julie's hand & we pressed in to God, shutting down the influence of the Enemy. As Julie says, "Are we going to go by what we feel or what we know to be true?" And we know our God to be good & for us & not against us. Since that morning I have slept better than I have in ages. No supplements to aid my sleep. Even afternoon naps have become one of deep sleep.

We, (& please note I say we, not you) love to grab a hold of scripture that makes us feel good. I think a prime example is Jeremiah 29:11. Another thing my wise wife says often is, "We don't get to cherry pick the scriptures."

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

That sounds awesome, right? What about the two scriptures that follow?

Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

Do you ever notice how often the word all is required? All of our heart. All of our dreams. I am not aware of a scripture that says give up this, this, & that & you can keep this.

My Mom, who next Sunday will have moved on to her party in Heaven for two years, use to tell me all the time that God wanted all of me. She was right as she was in many things. She was also the finest example of being Born Again that I knew. We have lost that term for the most part. I find that very sad. Jesus thought it important.

John 3:3 "Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again."

He didn't say if you follow the advice of  your priest or minister that you would see the kingdom of God. He did not say if  you do this, this, and that but not that you would see it. He said you must be born again. Sadly, we have many church leaders that have not experienced the supernatural moment of being born again. They were living life like Mom.  She was in church & she followed the rules & regulations of religion but she lacked relationship. She had a supernatural encounter with God when He showed up during a dark time & she was never the same for the remaining decades of her life. He took up residence in her heart. She admitted things about herself when I will bet you anyone would have said she was a wonderful Christian lady & she was. But she became so much more. As my son, Micah, wrote once. Even in her dementia there was a grace about her that drew people in. She was my hero. She still is.

I have heard people say they have that one more thing & then they will turn it over, or that they were trying to turn it over. It is not something you have to try to do. There is also nothing or no one in this world worth keeping the fullness of relationship with God from you.

I learned that one day when I turned the wheel over as I drove down the road. I tell people often that my vision of that day is that God, turned to the host around Him, & said, "I have his attention. Let's go to work."
And boy did He ever go to work.He knew that I meant what I said. I did not rush up an aisle. I did not go through a series of steps. I simply released. That is all it takes. Surrender all your heart.

That was in January of 2012. By September of 2013 I was enjoying my forth month of marriage with my wife, Julie, who surpassed all my hopes I ever had about a woman. I am not deserving but I also was wise enough to not refuse the gift God granted me with her. That same month I received an email from a traditional publisher offering me a contract for The River Hideaway. A story about two young men, one black, one white, & the friendship that they strike up during the racially charged times of 1967. I wrote most of the story in 1998 & had given up getting published after many rejections. Come on. Even the biggest of skeptics can't see this as anything but God, can you? Truth is indeed stranger than fiction.

And God is greater than all & I am living proof that there is nothing worth clinging too. Not one thing. Don't be so slow like me & waste so many years. I am nearing 60 years of age & sometimes I feel like my life has just begun. Maybe because it many ways it really has.

Surrender....all......

 



























   

Christmas Relections

Yesterday, as I watched a Christmas movie, the tree beautifully decorated by me. Okay, by Julie but I just wanted to see if you were with me. My peaceful, grateful state of mind and heart led me to pick up my phone and send the following text to Julie. Thank you for making Christmas time happy.

Christmas is a mixed bag of emotions isn't it? There have been many lonely, hurting Christmas times for me and probably for all of you. Some are experiencing it right now. The loss of loved ones. Broken relationships, dreams unfulfilled, heartache, & loneliness. All of these seemingly amplified for the season. There were many years that beginning with my birthday in early November I longed for the resources to be able to pack away to a isolated cabin in the mountains & not return till after New Years Day. The Christmas of excitement and anticipation of my youth had transitioned to a time of year I truly hated. Many years I put my energy into trying to persevere for a small child's sake. Some years the darkness of depression was so great that I came up woefully short.

This is a Christmas where two of my biggest dreams come to pass.  This is Julie & my third Christmas together. Our second as husband and wife, and so very much more. I use to dream and wonder will my novel be under someone's Christmas Tree next year. I will wonder no longer. That will happen in many homes. One thing I have understood long before I turned the wheel of my life over to my Father is that I know without question that it is the simple things in life that are truly what matters. It is not the mansion on the hill. It is not gifts of the latest fashion and technology trends.  It is what and who we hold dear in our hearts. My favorite scripture even during the years I rarely picked the Bible up has been and still is, Luke 12:34. For where your heart is... there lies your treasure as well.

Teaching the word is not something I am equipped to do. So forgive my uneducated interpretation of this scripture... Don't get bogged down in the things of this life that are just so much fluff. Hold on to what is dear. Those that you love. Those that you can encourage. Enjoy the simple things of life. They really are more than all things that glitter.

Yesterday, I met an older man at the gym. He shared with me that he was at a diner he often visits for breakfast. There was a young girl who often waits on him. He could tell she was upset and he asked why. He did not share all the details of their conversation but he did tell me that she told him that she has a small child and a husband in prison. He listened and he hugged her and told her he loved her. He showed her real Christianity.

I have a dear friend who has struggled gracefully with cancer this year. He is now cancer free. He was encouraged by many and he shared that being an encourager is the greatest gift of all.

So for many of us this is a great time of year. But many will be going through difficult times. If we truly believe that God resides inside of us, let us find some way to encourage those that are lonely, hurting, lost. Let's don't pass them by in search of the perfect gift that does not really exist.

I share this last thing with you not to brag on myself for a simple text. But I would be willing to wager that in the years to come that my wife might not recall the gifts I gave her this Christmas but I bet you she will remember the text I sent.

Think about it... 

Merry Christmas to all of you. May God bless and comfort you during this season. He really does loves you.

7 Hour Coffee With Julie

Two years ago my life changed with a simple invitation for coffee. We had talked about getting together for coffee previously, but I never followed through. This woman I met at church was several years younger. She was 38 and I was one week shy of turning 56. I know. This is the part where you roll your eyes and say, "Sure, younger woman. That is just what all men want."

But to me this was a lot of age difference. Do you do what I often do? You doom things as a failure before you even get to the place to find out what is in store. Each time we talked the conversations were so easy. You know that feeling like you have talked for an hour when it seems not even ten minutes have passed? It was that way each time.

I told one person, my little sister Katie,  that I was meeting a young lady at Hugh MacRae Park for coffee. I followed this up with one of my astute questions.  "I don't know if coffee is just coffee or is it something else?" She lightened the mood with a quote from one of our favorite movies, Goodwill Hunting, by Matt Damon.

Great, or maybe we could get together and just eat a bunch of caramels. When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee. 

I think after that she said, "Just go have coffee." I comforted myself by thinking that coffee was probably just coffee and someone wanting to talk about God with me. There is no way this young, pretty, genuine, warm, woman had an interest in me.



We met at the Park by the pond area. Early in the conversation she told me something from my Facebook Page. She had been snooping and I called her out on it. She smiled and said, "Yes, I did. I wanted to know what your friends said about you." Well, this was more than coffee or eating a bunch of caramels.

Three hours later she asked what time it was and I looked at my watch. It was one o'clock. We both thought that maybe thirty minutes had passed. Coffee led to lunch. It was near five that afternoon when we parted ways. Today it is referred to with a smile as the, "Seven hour coffee."

I had a lot of failed relationships in my past. Some that I walked away from and some that walked away from me. A couple of them hurt deeply. Horace Hilton once told me that rejected love was among the most difficult event one could know in this life. I'm certain that as a minister for decades he saw much of it.

Sometimes in the quiet of night as Julie sleeps soundly, I will look at her and I can't believe that God sent someone into my life that not only loves me when all is well. I have had that many times. She loves me when that dark hole starts pulling at me. She fights for me. She sees more good in me than I ever do. 

And as I whisper my thanks to God. I thank Him also for the broken relationships that I thought I needed so badly. I thank Him for the heartache, as difficult as it was. Because Julie, exceeds all the dreams I ever had in a woman. And that is no small feat.


Happy Anniversary Baby. October 26 means as much to me as April 6 does, maybe even more. I got out of the way and took a chance at coffee. I could not be happier with that decision.

Love,
Billy

I have become a fan of late of the music of Rascal Flatts. This one sums up this little blog better than I could.

 

If Churches Meant the Songs They Sing

This past weekend we attended Beach Blast in Myrtle Beach. Our main reason for going was the four of us love the musical group, Jesus Culture. They did not disappoint. They don't just perform. They worship and with that worship they pull down the Holy Spirit.

One song in particular, Holy Spirit You are Welcome Here,  really made me think. Check these lyrics out.

 Holy Spirit you are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence Lord

What if churches not only sang this song but literally meant it?


But I am pretty certain we must really mean we welcome the Holy Spirit, and not on our terms but God's. We might have to let go of ritual, tradition, and our comfort levels. What a concept if churches were led by the Holy Spirit and not just on occasion. Not your minister, elders, the ones that give the most money, the ones that complain the most, but a church really plugged in and willing to not only invite the Holy Spirit but to give free reign. Is it possible? I believe so but some hard truths would have to be dealt with. I can think of a few.

Church staff would have to trust God and not their salary provided by the church. That is tough. They have families to feed as well, right? What about music? The very way many of us express worship the most. Sadly, it is as big a divider in church as anything I can think of. The music is too loud. The music is too tame. I don't like hymns. I only want hymns. We have traditional and contemporary services because of music. In essence we create two churches within in one church. Is that really what Jesus wants for His church?

I love my church but I struggle with it. We talked about implementing changes years ago. I never forget one  person saying, "There are two types of churches, relevant and irrelevant. We have to decide what we want to be." Years later we still have not decided. Sadly, that is a decision in itself.

Many years ago I was told this joke.

It is Sunday morning and a man who had to much to drink the night before is sitting on the sidewalk. A nice car comes to a stop beside him and the man driving asks, "Sir, could you direct us to the Church of God?"

The man scratches his chin, deep in thought. "The Methodist Church is two blocks east, but the Jones' family owns that. The Baptist Church is one block west but the Smith family runs that. Mister, come to think of it I don't really know of a church God owns around here."

A long time ago the most spiritual man I ever knew, Horace Hilton, left a large church, to come Shepherd a church with fifty members. It was a traditional Presbyterian Church. He came with a message of the baptism in the Holy Spirit. Pretty radical message for that time. I asked him once, "How many members left?"

He responded. "About half stayed and half left." The church grew dramatically because he was following the Holy Spirit. He did not get  hung up over people who got angry and left, and yes took their tithes with them. He trusted the vision that he was shown. Soon, that little church was the most relevant church in the area.  

Think about it.


 Holy Spirit you are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence Lord

Pressing In

It is much easier to act like a Christian than it is to react like one!

The above quote by Mark Batterson really resonated with me this morning as I was enjoying quiet time by the fireplace with our faithful dog Sydny. At first it struck me with an obvious initial meaning and then I was reminded of something I shared with Julie recently. 

The quote in itself certainly is true is it not? We can go along our merry way being close with our Father right up to the point where someone ruffles our feathers. So many subjects out there to argue about. Politics, religion, sports, any news item in our 24/7 world. How about a bad boss? Most of us have enjoyed that wonderful experience. Many are dealing with it right now. As I was returning to Jesus the last person I had to dig deep and find forgiveness for was a Director that I worked with for eight years. I would not mouth the words forgiveness when in my heart I hoped he was homeless living under a bridge wearing a tacky Christmas sweater somewhere. But in time I believe it is as simple as this. The more residence of Jesus I allow in my heart the more fruitless stuff like the resentment of someone I will probably never see again moves out. I can actually pray for that man now and mean it. And if that is not God I don't know what is.

We all have families and they can be the most difficult to react as Jesus would have us too. We can hold on to the patterns that can be rooted so deeply in family lore. Once you are labeled in a family isn't it hard to ever be anything else? Or, once we brand a family member in one way do we offer them the grace to change?

Don't we all have our hot button behaviors that rile us easily, regardless the offender? Mine is don't talk down to me. I don't care how smart, rich, religious, or beautiful you perceive yourself to be. My first reaction is not good in these situations and my second is usually not much better.

The second part I saw in this quote is not about how I react to people as much as how I react to situations. I guess it has always been rooted in my personality that I react a certain way to obstacles that suddenly emerge. It is not a horrible way to deal with these challenges. I just think there is a better way.

Step 1. Obstacle appears from nowhere. 
Step 2. It knocks me back and all I can see is this problem.
Step 3. I start to gather myself and think of solutions to the problem.
Step 4. Hey, wait a minute. Lord, you can do all things and you can assist me in dealing with this problem. You can even bring good to this situation.

Now I may mouth the words to Step 4 during the Step 1 phase but that is uttered with my mouth and not with my heart. I am still seeing only the problem.

This is me and I have been this way for a long time. Except for a long period when I didn't care about Step 4 at all. And if I did it was to blame God for yet another failure in my life. I wasted much of my life in anger.

But I no longer accept that this is who I am. I will accept that it is who I have been but I am leaving the door open to God to help me change. 

(Ephesians 3:20)  Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us

Where I want to be is this. Problem emerges from nowhere and my first  inclination is to press into the Father.

Father this situation has suddenly come about and I do not have the answers to solve it. What I choose to do is lift it to your capable hands and trust that you will see me through it. You will find the answer that right now I can't. You will give me the strength, courage, and wisdom to walk through this place. You will even bring good to this time that right now I may not be able to see. I trust You completely with this matter and all things. You love me and I am your child. I am comforted in the knowledge that I do not walk alone but You walk with me. 

Amen..

The year is 1967 and Wilmington, NC, like much of the nation is embedded in racial turmoil. Bret Marin and Money Wilkins, two boys on the cusp of manhood meet on a basketball court where each earns a measure of respect that leads to an improbable friendship.

Bret’s life is constructed around his love for his little brother Alex and hatred of their cruel wealthy father.

Money Wilkins possesses no external luxuries but thanks to his proud black father, Clarence, a builder of houses and lives, he has the greater riches. When his beautiful sister Teke visits it sets off a series of events no one could foresee. The most chilling being the dark night the Klan appears.

The River Hideaway