7 Days Before Christmas

Christmas is such a time of reflection for me. I think of the years I loathed Christmas. I was broken-hearted, sad, and for a few of them mired in the black hole of depression. But mostly, I was just disappointed in my life. The season reminded me that I was once again in a place of unrealized dreams and I would spend one Holiday Season hoping that the next one would prove better.

I remember those that are no longer with us. Last year, my childhood friend, Nicky died two days after his 62nd birthday, less than one week before Christmas. The man that taught me more than he could know and would take no credit for. He spoke into my life that being encouraging to others was the greatest of the spiritual gifts. I believe that with all that I have. 

It has proven a trying year in many aspects and I can't tell you how many occasions I wished I could have reached out and talked with Nicky about what was happening. To hear his wise counsel summed up in a few words after he listened carefully to what I had to say. 

Even last night, when I mentioned to my wife, Julie, that it was Nicky's birthday, I began to cry. I told her his death continues to hit me harder than I thought possible. 

Do you know what my wise wife said to that? She said, "How blessed are you to have a friend that you still are mourning so deeply over." Her point was everyone does not have even one person in their life like that. And I am blessed to share other close friendships with people who are still with us. As usual, my wife is right.

Last weekend, Teke, our Australian Cattle Dog and I were walking in the woods at a nearby park. It is a special daily time together. But it is also a time of devotion and has become my best prayer place. 

As I thought about Christmas past and the times of sadness and disappointment, I began to thank God for rescuing me. Has the year been trying? Sure it has. It probably has been for most of us. But, I love Christmas again. It is no longer a time of disappointment. I have so much to be grateful for. My wife loves me. She believes I am far better than I can see. She believes in me when I don't. Yesterday, when I unexpectantly stopped by Julie's workplace-she was sitting in her car eating lunch and when she spotted me, she got out of her car and ran to hug me with this huge beautiful grin etched upon her face. How priceless is that?

I was grateful for the wonderful dog that was glad to be in the woods with me. For my wonderful son, Micah, who will arrive Christmas Day and make our immediate family complete and the close friends I have that are a phone call away if I need anything. 

But I am most appreciative of a Savior, who never left my side, despite my decades of anger towards Him. I have cursed Him in more ways than I can recall. He was just waiting for that moment when I said, "Okay, Jesus, You take the wheel. I will go where you say go. Even if it is not what I want." At the time, I thought that meant my two biggest and longest dreams were possibly being relinquished. No, He granted both in less than two years. 

I will not pretend to know how a relationship with God works for you. But for me, I knew He was waiting for the day I truly placed Him first. Now, do I fail at times in that endeavor? Absolutely, I do, but I return quickly to where I want to be. The best example I can think of is that I would love for my writing to lead to a real career. But I don't want any success or financial gain from it unless He is on board. I won't enjoy it otherwise. Believe me, that is a dramatic shift for the man in the mirror of almost nine years ago. 

As I walked in the woods, reflecting upon all of this and thanking God for the happiness in my life, I began to cry with tears of gratitude. From all the broken pieces, He put me back together. 

While I am most grateful I never want to forget how shattered my life once was. It is probably because of this that my heart is for the broken. Sometimes, I think our churches could do better at trying to encourage the broken, especially during the Holiday Season. Maybe instead of being concerned with putting on the best Christmas service-complete with the music and candlelight, the greater emphasis could be reaching out to those that are hurting. Some of those people may be walking through those church doors for the only time all year. Maybe they need to be offered prayer and encouragement more than a well planned Christmas Service.  But then, I know I could do more to help as well.   

It is easy for people to feel forgotten at Christmas. Even forgotten by God. They may feel this way even if they are surrounded by family. 

In the hustle and bustle of the next week and during your Christmas Eve service at church. Let's keep an eye out for those that have the defeated look of life in their eyes. Offer a word of conversation. Let them know you have time to listen to them. Family and dinner plans can wait.

What could be more important than encouraging a broken person? 

I know what my friend, Nicky would say.

Nothing...

Christmas 2016

It is that time once again that can bring us to such glorious highs & lows. Our memories that occasionally visit during the year seem to arrive at a precipice for the Holiday season. Many of those memories are bitter sweet. Last night, as I sat home waiting on my wonderful wife, Julie, with our new addition for this Christmas, Teke- I had the overwhelming desire to pick up the phone & call my Mom. She has been gone now for over three years & that is one of the things I miss most. A simple phone conversation.

Christmas has often been a very low point in my life. There was a time when I truly hated Christmas. The broken/failed relationships. The dreams that never materialized. The many failures. The many bad choices I made. The unfairness of this life. I have a story I wrote long ago that I hope a publisher says yes to one day that the main character leaves before Thanksgiving & stays in a small cabin in the mountains away from everyone until after the first of the year. I never did that but I wanted too.

I remember those days & though I am grateful today to enjoy Christmas. Julie with her childlike excitement brings so much to the season & my life-as well as family & the wonderful friends God has blessed me with. Still, I don't want to lose sight of the people who struggle mightily at this time of year just as I once did. 

We are also blessed to be part of a dynamic church. Lifepoint Church in Wilmington, NC. This weekend we have three Christmas Eve services. One on Friday night & two on Saturday afternoon. All the services are the same.  Julie will be part of the worship team. I will be serving at the booth for first time guests.

I realize that of my own wisdom, my knowledge, that I have little to offer. What I ask of God, particularly for this season is for me to be aware of the people who walk into church-maybe for the only time this year. Those that are beaten up by life. Those that are weary & want a new way. Those that are truly alone. Those that desperately need some hope..some encouragement. I ask of God to lead & help me encourage them. To be quiet & listen to their stories. We all have one.

Initially, I did not plan to serve for three services but as I thought about it--what an honor it is. To remember my struggles & hopefully help others with more than just information about our wonderful church.

It is way to easy for people to get caught up in thinking about what they have to offer. I have nothing but as my team leader, Randy, so aptly put it when I shared these feelings last week. "But we can make ourselves available." And in the process my hope is that I can do & be what our Pastor Jeff Kapusta taught earlier this month.

"My purpose is to illuminate Jesus."

Merry Christmas

Billy 

  

One Young Man at a Book Signing

This past Saturday, I had a book signing for my novel, The River Hideaway. It was a very good day. There were so many highlights in that first hectic two hours, that if I list them I will surely leave people out.

I signed many copies & in some cases below my name, I also signed them as, 'Coach.' Parents, and in one case a sister, bought my book for a Christmas present for men who I once coached in basketball, when they were boys, aged ten to twelve. One of my favorite players, Stephen Wolff, came in with his girl friend. He shared stories with my wife about what he recalls playing ball for me.

There was a lady that my family holds dear in our hearts, for all the love & care she gave to my mom in those last years consumed with dementia. Tiffany, you are an angel and you hold our families deepest thanks always.


My PR angels, Sharon & Wylene, for continually pushing this little story to everyone you can reach. Robbie, for showing up once again & taking pictures of the event as only you can.

My old friend, Gary Barbee, who came from Pinehurst. Thanks for providing the comedic relief. 

A teacher came that taught me typing in the ninth grade. The ninth grade was the first year I was bused to another school to achieve real integration. Several of my classmates of that time came by Saturday.

More times than not the books were purchased by people for Christmas presents. How do I value that? To be a part of Christmas in homes across the region.

I saw people I had not seen in nearly forty years. But there was one sale that day that resonates the deepest. A young man approached  the table & asked me very directly, "Why did you write this book?"

I shared with him my reasons...my inspirations.

He nodded and said, "I will buy one."

As I was preparing to sign it for him he offered, "I was in the parking lot & I heard two people talking about your book and I just felt like the Lord wanted me to come in here and see you."

He was looking at me eye to eye as he said this. I got goosebumps or as some of us refer to them, God-bumps. We talked a little while longer and I told him that the book has a spiritual theme in it & that it begins with an elderly man having a vision from God.

I thanked him for the encouragement he offered to a no name author, with a small press, struggling to get the word out for this story. I know God is with Julie and I, wherever this goes. But at times I also doubt, worry, & struggle with the things I can't control.

Maybe that is why God reminded me what he could do with one person.

Christmas Relections

Yesterday, as I watched a Christmas movie, the tree beautifully decorated by me. Okay, by Julie but I just wanted to see if you were with me. My peaceful, grateful state of mind and heart led me to pick up my phone and send the following text to Julie. Thank you for making Christmas time happy.

Christmas is a mixed bag of emotions isn't it? There have been many lonely, hurting Christmas times for me and probably for all of you. Some are experiencing it right now. The loss of loved ones. Broken relationships, dreams unfulfilled, heartache, & loneliness. All of these seemingly amplified for the season. There were many years that beginning with my birthday in early November I longed for the resources to be able to pack away to a isolated cabin in the mountains & not return till after New Years Day. The Christmas of excitement and anticipation of my youth had transitioned to a time of year I truly hated. Many years I put my energy into trying to persevere for a small child's sake. Some years the darkness of depression was so great that I came up woefully short.

This is a Christmas where two of my biggest dreams come to pass.  This is Julie & my third Christmas together. Our second as husband and wife, and so very much more. I use to dream and wonder will my novel be under someone's Christmas Tree next year. I will wonder no longer. That will happen in many homes. One thing I have understood long before I turned the wheel of my life over to my Father is that I know without question that it is the simple things in life that are truly what matters. It is not the mansion on the hill. It is not gifts of the latest fashion and technology trends.  It is what and who we hold dear in our hearts. My favorite scripture even during the years I rarely picked the Bible up has been and still is, Luke 12:34. For where your heart is... there lies your treasure as well.

Teaching the word is not something I am equipped to do. So forgive my uneducated interpretation of this scripture... Don't get bogged down in the things of this life that are just so much fluff. Hold on to what is dear. Those that you love. Those that you can encourage. Enjoy the simple things of life. They really are more than all things that glitter.

Yesterday, I met an older man at the gym. He shared with me that he was at a diner he often visits for breakfast. There was a young girl who often waits on him. He could tell she was upset and he asked why. He did not share all the details of their conversation but he did tell me that she told him that she has a small child and a husband in prison. He listened and he hugged her and told her he loved her. He showed her real Christianity.

I have a dear friend who has struggled gracefully with cancer this year. He is now cancer free. He was encouraged by many and he shared that being an encourager is the greatest gift of all.

So for many of us this is a great time of year. But many will be going through difficult times. If we truly believe that God resides inside of us, let us find some way to encourage those that are lonely, hurting, lost. Let's don't pass them by in search of the perfect gift that does not really exist.

I share this last thing with you not to brag on myself for a simple text. But I would be willing to wager that in the years to come that my wife might not recall the gifts I gave her this Christmas but I bet you she will remember the text I sent.

Think about it... 

Merry Christmas to all of you. May God bless and comfort you during this season. He really does loves you.