Content is the word I woke too on this beautiful morning. It is very difficult for us to be content isn't it? I know it is for me. Maybe it is a complex situation we face, or maybe the desires of our heart are not being met in the time frame we think it should be.
Julie and I are approaching our one year anniversary. I was single for a long time, as she was and one of the fun things was merging two households into one. Even now I find myself longing not for any mansion but a slightly bigger house. That may never happen, or it might be a long time if it indeed does occur. How do I approach the issue today? Do I spend time longing for something down the road or do I accept and be thankful for where I am today? One thing is for certain and that is if I focus on the intangible things of tomorrow I will not enjoy and be fruitful today.
There is always the possibility that it is not a
bigger home we need but rather maybe we need to give away or discard
items we have held on to for way too long. There was a period in my life that due to my poor choices my son and I moved four times in less than one year. I surely could not afford movers. Being forced to load and haul things multiple times sure did reduce the clutter in my life. There were many things that you realized were not worth the effort to hang on too.
I have a big date approaching and I have worked diligently on my end to ensure the project is complete on time. Still, I am wary that it will occur because other people are involved. Last night I came to the reality that I have wasted too much time worrying. It is time for me to be content. Maybe the date I had written in stone is not the best one. Maybe God has a better date. Maybe he just wants me to be a man of my word and release it fully to him. Am I the only one that says, "I release this problem, project, etc to you Father" and then start worrying about it moments later, therefore reclaiming it?
My goal in my walk with our Savior is to live Philippians 4: 11, 12.
Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 12I
know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in
prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of
being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering
need.
I researched definitions for the word content. I will share just one. It when the word is used as an adjective.
In a state of peaceful happiness I will take that over anything material this world has to offer.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
The Dream Never Changed
As I write this blog this morning there is one month to go until the release of The River Hideaway. There are tasks yet to be done. Choosing a book cover, one more read through for editing purposes. I wonder how many times I have read, rewrote, and edited this book. Maybe twenty times, maybe twenty five over the years?
I guess I should be nervous. I have promotion tasks to carry out and I will have to address certain groups. Aw, public speaking, very excited about that. :( I sure hope the audience can understand extreme southern dialogue.
The truth is I am for the most part peaceful about it all. Don't get me wrong I have certainly had my moments of anxiety and sleepless nights during this process but it reaches a point where you have to believe and follow what you know to be true. I have to own the words that I speak. They can't be words derived only from my mouth but from my heart.
Many times I have lifted this book up to the King of Kings and said, "This book is yours." I have to believe that just as I believe after all the years of pursuing this dream that this door was opened not by Oak Tree Press but from my Father. It didn't happen until I let go of the wheel of this life. He knew I meant it when I said, "I want this dream but if you are not walking through the door with me, close it."
The success of The River Hideaway will not be defined by how many books are sold. It would be great if it did well enough to open the doors for the four other manuscripts that reside on my computer, as well as others that right now are only an idea. I would love to write full time and never punch a clock again. But if it sells one thousand copies and that is all that ever happens with my writing I will earnestly say, "Thank you, God."
One of the people I shared the early news with was my nephew, little brother, and friend, Paul Atkinson. I knew he would understand how much it meant. He is a gifted musician, songwriter and he knows what art means to him and to others that have something in our hearts that we have to get out in some way shape or form. He also put it in a perspective that I had not yet thought of. He said the book was a piece of me that would be here long after I departed from this world. http://www.reverbnation.com/paulatkinson
This journey has never been about fame or fortune. My dream has not changed from the first day I went down this path in 1997 with an ill fated first draft of a story that will never be published in its original format but helped me learn how to put words on paper. It also served as tremendous therapy but that is another story for another day.
My dream has always been to be walking on the beach I love so dearly and see someone reading and enjoying a story crafted from my heart. It is that simple for me.
I guess I should be nervous. I have promotion tasks to carry out and I will have to address certain groups. Aw, public speaking, very excited about that. :( I sure hope the audience can understand extreme southern dialogue.
The truth is I am for the most part peaceful about it all. Don't get me wrong I have certainly had my moments of anxiety and sleepless nights during this process but it reaches a point where you have to believe and follow what you know to be true. I have to own the words that I speak. They can't be words derived only from my mouth but from my heart.
Many times I have lifted this book up to the King of Kings and said, "This book is yours." I have to believe that just as I believe after all the years of pursuing this dream that this door was opened not by Oak Tree Press but from my Father. It didn't happen until I let go of the wheel of this life. He knew I meant it when I said, "I want this dream but if you are not walking through the door with me, close it."
The success of The River Hideaway will not be defined by how many books are sold. It would be great if it did well enough to open the doors for the four other manuscripts that reside on my computer, as well as others that right now are only an idea. I would love to write full time and never punch a clock again. But if it sells one thousand copies and that is all that ever happens with my writing I will earnestly say, "Thank you, God."
One of the people I shared the early news with was my nephew, little brother, and friend, Paul Atkinson. I knew he would understand how much it meant. He is a gifted musician, songwriter and he knows what art means to him and to others that have something in our hearts that we have to get out in some way shape or form. He also put it in a perspective that I had not yet thought of. He said the book was a piece of me that would be here long after I departed from this world. http://www.reverbnation.com/paulatkinson
This journey has never been about fame or fortune. My dream has not changed from the first day I went down this path in 1997 with an ill fated first draft of a story that will never be published in its original format but helped me learn how to put words on paper. It also served as tremendous therapy but that is another story for another day.
My dream has always been to be walking on the beach I love so dearly and see someone reading and enjoying a story crafted from my heart. It is that simple for me.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Julie
Mark Batterson writes often of the inverted gospel. I am the poster child of that life, though I suspect I am not alone. I walked through life making my choices, seeking what I thought I needed to be happy, and if I could find those things on my own, then maybe I would ask God to come in and bless my life. Maybe then I would follow his path, however, I always had this nagging suspicion even when things were grand that it would never last as long as I led the way.
I will not pretend that I did not have my share of fun. I did. But somewhere along the way the down times grew deeper, and the ride was no longer worth the fall. Life became emptier with each excursion. Now a wise man when reaching this conclusion would have turned but I stubbornly held on because as bad as things got at times I still trusted my way more than God.
I sat in church yesterday with my wife Julie beside me. I reflected on her beauty, grace, the depth of heart that she possesses. I pursued love in my own vision and all of those times put together does not hold a candle to what I feel when she looks at me with clear eyes straight from her heart.
As stated many times before I was angry at God for most of my life. A minister would share how we are not worthy or don't feel worthy and I wanted to shout bull. I deserve the best of everything God. But I tell you when it comes to Julie I tell God he gave me way more than I ever deserved. Way more than I ever dreamed. She often tells me I taught her things and hopefully this is so but my wife taught me what real love is. There are not many lessons greater than that.
One thing we did as we were discovering each other that I know I did not always do and I bet many of you did not as well. Be honest with each other. Put all your cards on the table early. Let go of the fear that if I tell them who I really am they may not like me.I used the term deal breaker with Julie. Is this a deal breaker, or that deal breaker?
One thing I knew about Julie was I would never be first in her life. And for once I was glad of this in a relationship. I can't measure up to being someone's whole world. I will fail them and they will fail me.
Julie might have been attracted to me a few years ago but she would have stayed away from me and rightfully so. I needed to be a man seeking the kingdom first.
Julie was like a lot of us when we are alone. She would ask God where is the man for me? Once he responded to her that he was getting that man ready. But we don't want to wait do we? So we rush ahead, the inverted gospel at work. I want this relationship God and I want you to bless it... after I get it.
Maybe along this same time frame I remember praying one day. "God I do not want to be alone forever but if it is not someone that you approve of and will bless our path then I would rather remain alone because it will fail like every relationship has failed before." That was big for me because having that special relationship with someone who would treasure love the way I do was my hearts greatest desire.
I think at that moment God might have peered over the balcony of Heaven and spoke to those around him. "Aw, I have his attention. Let's go to work."
Yesterday after church we shared a laugh with Julie's parents, Don and Jan. A few years back Julie's mom one day in frustration was praying and asked God where is the man for my Julie? Lord, I don't care if he is in his 50's as long as he loves you and will love our daughter. Tell me God was not preparing all of us for what was coming.
This past Friday when we went to the movie, 'Son of God,' with Julie's parents. Jan introduced me to a couple she knew. "This is our son in law. Julie's husband, and we could not be happier." I don't know how you could not see God in the things that have transpired with Julie and I. I not only have a wonderful wife who treasures nearly every moment with me but I have a wonderful loving relationship with her parents. It is often me who says to Julie, "Call your parents and see if they want to meet us for..." I do this because I enjoy their company.I listen to the soft words of wisdom that often come from Julie's dad.
We all have our stuff don't we? One amazing thing that occurred with Julie and I as we were dating is not only were we falling in love and sharing the laughter of such an event. We helped heal each other of past hurts. We cried together as we learned we could trust each other. I mentioned my past failed relationships. Some that ended badly. One day as I was saying something else derived from past pain, Julie looked at me and said, "You keep sharing stuff as if this going to be the one thing that drives me out the door. I am not leaving." she stated, leaving no room for debate. I needed that.
You know what one thing God so graced me that I could give to his child that he so dearly loves? I am humbled and yet very proud that I was able to do this. I showed her how beautiful she is. She did not know. Often in those early days if I was to say something like that she would drop her head. I would lift her chin gently and say, "Julie I need you to hear me."
Very soon it will be one year since we were married. It has been the best time of my life. Thank you God. I have no words to truly express my gratitude.
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorBillyBeasley
I will not pretend that I did not have my share of fun. I did. But somewhere along the way the down times grew deeper, and the ride was no longer worth the fall. Life became emptier with each excursion. Now a wise man when reaching this conclusion would have turned but I stubbornly held on because as bad as things got at times I still trusted my way more than God.
I sat in church yesterday with my wife Julie beside me. I reflected on her beauty, grace, the depth of heart that she possesses. I pursued love in my own vision and all of those times put together does not hold a candle to what I feel when she looks at me with clear eyes straight from her heart.
As stated many times before I was angry at God for most of my life. A minister would share how we are not worthy or don't feel worthy and I wanted to shout bull. I deserve the best of everything God. But I tell you when it comes to Julie I tell God he gave me way more than I ever deserved. Way more than I ever dreamed. She often tells me I taught her things and hopefully this is so but my wife taught me what real love is. There are not many lessons greater than that.
One thing we did as we were discovering each other that I know I did not always do and I bet many of you did not as well. Be honest with each other. Put all your cards on the table early. Let go of the fear that if I tell them who I really am they may not like me.I used the term deal breaker with Julie. Is this a deal breaker, or that deal breaker?
One thing I knew about Julie was I would never be first in her life. And for once I was glad of this in a relationship. I can't measure up to being someone's whole world. I will fail them and they will fail me.
Julie might have been attracted to me a few years ago but she would have stayed away from me and rightfully so. I needed to be a man seeking the kingdom first.
Julie was like a lot of us when we are alone. She would ask God where is the man for me? Once he responded to her that he was getting that man ready. But we don't want to wait do we? So we rush ahead, the inverted gospel at work. I want this relationship God and I want you to bless it... after I get it.
Maybe along this same time frame I remember praying one day. "God I do not want to be alone forever but if it is not someone that you approve of and will bless our path then I would rather remain alone because it will fail like every relationship has failed before." That was big for me because having that special relationship with someone who would treasure love the way I do was my hearts greatest desire.
I think at that moment God might have peered over the balcony of Heaven and spoke to those around him. "Aw, I have his attention. Let's go to work."
Yesterday after church we shared a laugh with Julie's parents, Don and Jan. A few years back Julie's mom one day in frustration was praying and asked God where is the man for my Julie? Lord, I don't care if he is in his 50's as long as he loves you and will love our daughter. Tell me God was not preparing all of us for what was coming.
This past Friday when we went to the movie, 'Son of God,' with Julie's parents. Jan introduced me to a couple she knew. "This is our son in law. Julie's husband, and we could not be happier." I don't know how you could not see God in the things that have transpired with Julie and I. I not only have a wonderful wife who treasures nearly every moment with me but I have a wonderful loving relationship with her parents. It is often me who says to Julie, "Call your parents and see if they want to meet us for..." I do this because I enjoy their company.I listen to the soft words of wisdom that often come from Julie's dad.
We all have our stuff don't we? One amazing thing that occurred with Julie and I as we were dating is not only were we falling in love and sharing the laughter of such an event. We helped heal each other of past hurts. We cried together as we learned we could trust each other. I mentioned my past failed relationships. Some that ended badly. One day as I was saying something else derived from past pain, Julie looked at me and said, "You keep sharing stuff as if this going to be the one thing that drives me out the door. I am not leaving." she stated, leaving no room for debate. I needed that.
You know what one thing God so graced me that I could give to his child that he so dearly loves? I am humbled and yet very proud that I was able to do this. I showed her how beautiful she is. She did not know. Often in those early days if I was to say something like that she would drop her head. I would lift her chin gently and say, "Julie I need you to hear me."
Very soon it will be one year since we were married. It has been the best time of my life. Thank you God. I have no words to truly express my gratitude.
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorBillyBeasley
Monday, February 24, 2014
Sex: The Go to Sin for the Church
Why is sex often the go to sin for the church? Is it because for many people it is what they are hung up on and don't feel free enough to discuss? Is it easier to just label and blaspheme someone who dares to venture into sexual waters that you don't agree with?
Why is sex the bigger sin? What about people who judge people for sexual preference while they fudge a business deal during the week to aid their bottom line? Is that a pretty big deal or just a little white lie as Forrest Gump's mama said?
What about if your neighbor is hungry and you have food overflowing in your house? You drive past them on the way to church.
I have heard some interesting conversations lately and a great example yesterday by Pastor Steve. Are you going to go Old Testament on someone over sex, or anything else for that matter? People already know where they are at. He spoke of setting God's love free. Lavish people with love and see what occurs. Let God worry about the rest. Just love them. Wow what a concept. I am telling you that if the church did that I believe the buildings would be overflowing everywhere.
I lived in darkness for most of my life and I knew it. Someone telling me what I already knew was of no help and if anything pushed me further away. But authentic people reaching out to me with the love of God, now that spoke to me. The most spiritual man I ever knew was Horace Hilton. He knew my lifestyle and while he did not agree with it never once was I judged. He offered love and with it hope. He granted me an open door to his home. He came to see me whenever my Mom asked him too. He prayed for me when I was in his presence and when I was not. He believed in the good in me when I did not. Wow what a gift that is. Steve used one of my favorite words at the conclusion of the service yesterday...encourage. Now that is a word for all of us to grasp and liberally dish out. Let's face it. Life is difficult. Everybody has stuff they are dealing with. If we can be honest with our heart and not be afraid to look inside and uh oh be wrong. We will be humbled by our shortcomings. I sure have many but one I don't have and by the grace of God I never will is to walk arrogantly with our Lord. I wrote an earlier blog about The Path and how I viewed it. Safe to say if I begin to walk arrogantly that is when I have stumbled off the path and I am in the brier patch. And on another note let's be real careful about saying I would not do this or that when you have not had the life experience to even be confronted with such an occurrence. Pride does indeed go before the fall.
Choose to live with an honest heart and one thing I can assure you is you will be humbled. I am there right now. My last blog was Pressing In. I wanted to do better when obstacles emerged. No sooner than that blog was out it has been one obstacle after another and I have failed miserably. My wife has not. She has stood in her faith which exceeds mine.
Do you think Jesus is giving up on me right now? Is He judging me for doubting, for questioning where He is when I need Him to move? Should I just believe the lie of the enemy that I am just not good enough. That things will not change.
The Old Testament judging leads people to think they don't measure up even after they have been set free by Jesus Christ. They are not good enough because they did this or that. Guilt is a powerful tool of darkness. Why not model how we view things as how Jesus did them? Wow, what a concept.
The woman at the well. Did Jesus judge her or offer her hope? Mary Magdalene appears to have had a checkered past. Did Jesus set her completely free? All sins eradicated. Do we really believe that?
I told a minister once after his ridiculous sermon on sex that I did not care if a woman was a prostitute on Front Street. The moment she turned to Jesus and accepted him fully into her heart she is pure.
Do we believe that? Not with our words but our heart. Do we?
I do.........
Why is sex the bigger sin? What about people who judge people for sexual preference while they fudge a business deal during the week to aid their bottom line? Is that a pretty big deal or just a little white lie as Forrest Gump's mama said?
What about if your neighbor is hungry and you have food overflowing in your house? You drive past them on the way to church.
I have heard some interesting conversations lately and a great example yesterday by Pastor Steve. Are you going to go Old Testament on someone over sex, or anything else for that matter? People already know where they are at. He spoke of setting God's love free. Lavish people with love and see what occurs. Let God worry about the rest. Just love them. Wow what a concept. I am telling you that if the church did that I believe the buildings would be overflowing everywhere.
I lived in darkness for most of my life and I knew it. Someone telling me what I already knew was of no help and if anything pushed me further away. But authentic people reaching out to me with the love of God, now that spoke to me. The most spiritual man I ever knew was Horace Hilton. He knew my lifestyle and while he did not agree with it never once was I judged. He offered love and with it hope. He granted me an open door to his home. He came to see me whenever my Mom asked him too. He prayed for me when I was in his presence and when I was not. He believed in the good in me when I did not. Wow what a gift that is. Steve used one of my favorite words at the conclusion of the service yesterday...encourage. Now that is a word for all of us to grasp and liberally dish out. Let's face it. Life is difficult. Everybody has stuff they are dealing with. If we can be honest with our heart and not be afraid to look inside and uh oh be wrong. We will be humbled by our shortcomings. I sure have many but one I don't have and by the grace of God I never will is to walk arrogantly with our Lord. I wrote an earlier blog about The Path and how I viewed it. Safe to say if I begin to walk arrogantly that is when I have stumbled off the path and I am in the brier patch. And on another note let's be real careful about saying I would not do this or that when you have not had the life experience to even be confronted with such an occurrence. Pride does indeed go before the fall.
Choose to live with an honest heart and one thing I can assure you is you will be humbled. I am there right now. My last blog was Pressing In. I wanted to do better when obstacles emerged. No sooner than that blog was out it has been one obstacle after another and I have failed miserably. My wife has not. She has stood in her faith which exceeds mine.
Do you think Jesus is giving up on me right now? Is He judging me for doubting, for questioning where He is when I need Him to move? Should I just believe the lie of the enemy that I am just not good enough. That things will not change.
The Old Testament judging leads people to think they don't measure up even after they have been set free by Jesus Christ. They are not good enough because they did this or that. Guilt is a powerful tool of darkness. Why not model how we view things as how Jesus did them? Wow, what a concept.
The woman at the well. Did Jesus judge her or offer her hope? Mary Magdalene appears to have had a checkered past. Did Jesus set her completely free? All sins eradicated. Do we really believe that?
I told a minister once after his ridiculous sermon on sex that I did not care if a woman was a prostitute on Front Street. The moment she turned to Jesus and accepted him fully into her heart she is pure.
Do we believe that? Not with our words but our heart. Do we?
I do.........
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Pressing In
 | |||
| It is much easier to act like a Christian than it is to react like one! |
The quote in itself certainly is true is it not? We can go along our merry way being close with our Father right up to the point where someone ruffles our feathers. So many subjects out there to argue about. Politics, religion, sports, any news item in our 24/7 world. How about a bad boss? Most of us have enjoyed that wonderful experience. Many are dealing with it right now. As I was returning to Jesus the last person I had to dig deep and find forgiveness for was a Director that I worked with for eight years. I would not mouth the words forgiveness when in my heart I hoped he was homeless living under a bridge wearing a tacky Christmas sweater somewhere. But in time I believe it is as simple as this. The more residence of Jesus I allow in my heart the more fruitless stuff like the resentment of someone I will probably never see again moves out. I can actually pray for that man now and mean it. And if that is not God I don't know what is.
We all have families and they can be the most difficult to react as Jesus would have us too. We can hold on to the patterns that can be rooted so deeply in family lore. Once you are labeled in a family isn't it hard to ever be anything else? Or, once we brand a family member in one way do we offer them the grace to change?
Don't we all have our hot button behaviors that rile us easily, regardless the offender? Mine is don't talk down to me. I don't care how smart, rich, religious, or beautiful you perceive yourself to be. My first reaction is not good in these situations and my second is usually not much better.
The second part I saw in this quote is not about how I react to people as much as how I react to situations. I guess it has always been rooted in my personality that I react a certain way to obstacles that suddenly emerge. It is not a horrible way to deal with these challenges. I just think there is a better way.
Step 1. Obstacle appears from nowhere.
Step 2. It knocks me back and all I can see is this problem.
Step 3. I start to gather myself and think of solutions to the problem.
Step 4. Hey, wait a minute. Lord, you can do all things and you can assist me in dealing with this problem. You can even bring good to this situation.
Now I may mouth the words to Step 4 during the Step 1 phase but that is uttered with my mouth and not with my heart. I am still seeing only the problem.
This is me and I have been this way for a long time. Except for a long period when I didn't care about Step 4 at all. And if I did it was to blame God for yet another failure in my life. I wasted much of my life in anger.
But I no longer accept that this is who I am. I will accept that it is who I have been but I am leaving the door open to God to help me change.
(Ephesians 3:20) Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us
Where I want to be is this. Problem emerges from nowhere and my first inclination is to press into the Father.
Father this situation has suddenly come about and I do not have the answers to solve it. What I choose to do is lift it to your capable hands and trust that you will see me through it. You will find the answer that right now I can't. You will give me the strength, courage, and wisdom to walk through this place. You will even bring good to this time that right now I may not be able to see. I trust You completely with this matter and all things. You love me and I am your child. I am comforted in the knowledge that I do not walk alone but You walk with me.
Amen..
The year is 1967 and Wilmington, NC, like much of the nation is embedded in racial turmoil. Bret Marin and Money Wilkins, two boys on the cusp of manhood meet on a basketball court where each earns a measure of respect that leads to an improbable friendship.
Bret’s life is constructed around his love for his little brother Alex and hatred of their cruel wealthy father.
Money Wilkins possesses no external luxuries but thanks to his proud black father, Clarence, a builder of houses and lives, he has the greater riches. When his beautiful sister Teke visits it sets off a series of events no one could foresee. The most chilling being the dark night the Klan appears.
The River Hideaway
Monday, January 27, 2014
Overcoming our Childhood (Part 2)
The previous blog I wrote, as I commented later was not at all what I sat down to write.
What I took from that blog and I think there will be more to write about in a different format than this was the comments on Facebook about how people were so glad I was not on that boat. It really made me think.
Maybe I could have recovered from being on that boat eventually but it is certain that I would not have the life I am blessed to have now. Sometimes we (I) get caught in this thinking that I am just one person and not all that special. Sadly there is the other side of people that do so much damage because they become arrogant in their walk with the Lord. So as one person we can do good or harm, and we will do both in our lives. We can choose to be humble with the good and take ownership of the harm. I think that best.
Your comments made me think of that wonderful Christmas Movie, "It's a Wonderful Life."
One person removed due to bad choices or one person willing to go where he or she is led.
I thought what if I would have been on that boat. What good and bad would not have happened not only for me but for others.
1. I would not have Micah Beasley as my son.
2. I would not have my later in life gift of my wife Julie who exceeds this dreamer's dreams.
3. It might well have destroyed my mom long before dementia cruelly grasped her.
4. I would not have worked 32 years as a Park Supervisor and have a pension today that enables me to pursue my dream of writing full time.
5. I would not have so many of the wonderful friendships and relationships that I treasure today.
6. I would not have had the privilege of kids calling me "Coach" for 20 years. And even as adults, some in their forties now, and I am still "Coach" to them. Some have wrote me of how they have taking lessons taught on a basketball court and applied them to real life. What greater compliment could I ever be paid? It humbles me beyond belief.
7. There is a good chance I would not even be here.
These are but a few examples if I would have been on that boat. I could write one hundred good and bad and not touch the subject.
I wrote an earlier blog about "That One Person." Ed Wilson, my former coach, my mentor, took a chance on me when no one else would. I don't think it a stretch to say, God used this man to save me from that boat and all that would have followed. I wrote in an earlier blog about him...
http://billybeasley.blogspot.com/2013/03/that-one-person.html
Jesus Christ saved me but Ed Wilson rescued me.
One person, and to a God who can grant us more than we can think, dream, or imagine my suggestion is don't place limits on yourself and especially don't place limits on Him.
"It's a Wonderful Life," Isn't the best part of that movie when his brother Harry rushes in and toasts his big brother George, "the richest man in town."
What I took from that blog and I think there will be more to write about in a different format than this was the comments on Facebook about how people were so glad I was not on that boat. It really made me think.
Maybe I could have recovered from being on that boat eventually but it is certain that I would not have the life I am blessed to have now. Sometimes we (I) get caught in this thinking that I am just one person and not all that special. Sadly there is the other side of people that do so much damage because they become arrogant in their walk with the Lord. So as one person we can do good or harm, and we will do both in our lives. We can choose to be humble with the good and take ownership of the harm. I think that best.
Your comments made me think of that wonderful Christmas Movie, "It's a Wonderful Life."
One person removed due to bad choices or one person willing to go where he or she is led.
I thought what if I would have been on that boat. What good and bad would not have happened not only for me but for others.
1. I would not have Micah Beasley as my son.
2. I would not have my later in life gift of my wife Julie who exceeds this dreamer's dreams.
3. It might well have destroyed my mom long before dementia cruelly grasped her.
4. I would not have worked 32 years as a Park Supervisor and have a pension today that enables me to pursue my dream of writing full time.
5. I would not have so many of the wonderful friendships and relationships that I treasure today.
6. I would not have had the privilege of kids calling me "Coach" for 20 years. And even as adults, some in their forties now, and I am still "Coach" to them. Some have wrote me of how they have taking lessons taught on a basketball court and applied them to real life. What greater compliment could I ever be paid? It humbles me beyond belief.
7. There is a good chance I would not even be here.
These are but a few examples if I would have been on that boat. I could write one hundred good and bad and not touch the subject.
I wrote an earlier blog about "That One Person." Ed Wilson, my former coach, my mentor, took a chance on me when no one else would. I don't think it a stretch to say, God used this man to save me from that boat and all that would have followed. I wrote in an earlier blog about him...
http://billybeasley.blogspot.com/2013/03/that-one-person.html
Jesus Christ saved me but Ed Wilson rescued me.
One person, and to a God who can grant us more than we can think, dream, or imagine my suggestion is don't place limits on yourself and especially don't place limits on Him.
"It's a Wonderful Life," Isn't the best part of that movie when his brother Harry rushes in and toasts his big brother George, "the richest man in town."
Friday, January 24, 2014
Overcoming Our Childhood
Very few of us escape our childhood unscathed. Recently I listened to someone share publicly that their most hidden secret was something they did in the first grade. I don't make light of it at all. There are many things in my childhood I would like to turn a switch in my brain and never have reappear again.I do not know where I once read this quote or who wrote it, but I have never forgotten it.
"You spend the rest of your life trying to escape your childhood."
I once shared with my then teen age son that I believe one of the most unfair things in life is that teenagers must begin planning their future and make adult type decisions that can and probably will influence their adult life. Think about how young kids are today when the start taking PSAT & SAT's & deciding on a college. What major should they go for? They are still kids being asked to make adult type decisions and they for the most part are not equipped emotionally to handle it. Some are blessed to have great guidance and that is certainly an asset, though certainly not foolproof.
Lou Giglio spoke on this matter at Passion 2012 and he was funny but all so true. He started checking off the things young people were expected to do. Good grades, high SAT, pick a college & major, graduate, get a job, move out on your own.....
Looking back at that time period for me was a way different story. I was in high school and along with two partners my marijuana dealing reached a point where we were buying it in fifty pound allotments. We were pretty much for a period of time the biggest dealers on our side of town. I routinely had several hundred dollars in my pocket and life was a party pretty much every day of the week. Was I equipped to understand the repercussions when I came home to six narcotic officers and being the headline on the six o'clock news? No.
My record was clean up to that point so I escaped prison barely. I had a two year suspended sentence hanging over me and you would think the fear in me would keep me from ever wanting to deal again. Oh, I had no illusions about stopping my partying and especially my marijuana smoking. I did every drug available but marijuana was my God. I worshiped it. I was convinced that anyone not spending their life stoned was missing out. I use to say that if I had preached the Gospel as fervently as I touted the benefits of pot half the town would have been saved. Of course I jest, slightly.
I went back to dealing, though far more careful. Rarely was I involved in the transaction. I just hired people. And where did I get the money? My parents went to California and left me with $150 for grocery money. I bought one pound of pot. By the time they came home six weeks later I had over a thousand dollars and the fridge was full of food.
Why would I risk all this? Being a marijuana dealer was my identity. I lost it when I was going to court and had no money, no power, little of anything worthwhile. Strangely many of the friends I thought I had turned away when I no longer had a couple of grand in my pocket.
So I had to go back to the life that I knew, that defined me. It was about one year after my reentry into the life that my two partners were busted on a ship with tons of marijuana. I should have been on that ship that was a set up before they ever left the local dock. My life at nineteen would have been virtually destroyed. Considering my prior conviction I would have probably been sent away for up to ten years.
There is but one reason I was not on that ship. During that year I was walking down the street one night looking up at the sky and I felt a whoosh from head to toe, followed by a voice, "Come and admit you are wrong. Come and sing my glorious song."
I have wrestled with this calling. Why me? Why not the other two guys? I have little answers. Maybe my mom's prayers? My Little League Baseball Coach, Ed Wilson who took a chance on me when most people shunned me?
Sometimes today as I write this blog I feel a little guilty. I didn't deserve this. I turned away from God for decades. Oh, I would speak to him at night, usually in anger with horrible cursing at him for making me a part of this damnable life. I think I came out of the womb angry.
Sometimes today as I write this blog I feel a little guilty. I didn't deserve this. I turned away from God for decades. Oh, I would speak to him at night, usually in anger with horrible cursing at him for making me a part of this damnable life. I think I came out of the womb angry.
Here I am today with a beautiful wife and a long sought after book deal. Somehow my childhood has been overcome. Oh, I have flashes of youthful memories just as the speaker I alluded to in the beginning of this story shared. But they don't haunt me any longer and there are many far worse than what I have shared.
The identity of being a dealer and all the other identities I thought were truly me. They were all lies.
I am deceived no longer. My identify is clear. I belong to Jesus Christ. I am his child, even his friend.
Think about that. I am not talking religion. My friend and pastor Jim once said, "Jesus did not like hanging out with religious people either. He came to the sick. He came to me. He will come to you. He is as real as he was that night he showed himself to a lost, sick, troubled, young man.
Disclaimer :) I sat down thinking I was going to write something entirely different.
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